Based on Germany 1995
Stone & Stone — Verliebt in Dich
Sound of spokes out on a spin
Early breakfast tray's brought in
Tea for me, a boiled quail egg
Then it's time for my morning prank
Sneak up on her as she leaves
Bide my time so quietly
Grab her thigh and shout out "hi!!"
Her startled yelp pleases me
Heh heh
Can she dust tall shelves?
No, she can not, but I make her try
Meanwhile I have fun
Hiding her broom just out of reach
Glassware and spoons to rinse
She smells like bleach and soap and fear
While making sure my sink's pristine
Then sweeps the corners of my house
Go on, maid in a wheelchair
Polish the frames, unclog these drains
Wash up the linen and iron those sheets
Although she can't use the stairs
Ground floor is clean, countertops gleam
The living room's tidy, the upstairs reek
Sometimes I feed her twice a week
Wages are not quite my thing
She gets paid in swiffer cloths
Why bother to learn a name?
I just call her 'Rosario'
Tuesday night, I'm feeling bored
I pour out marbles on the floor
Hiding out behind the bin
But she's nowhere to be seen??
Go mop, maid in a wheelchair
Scour these pans! Hear my command!
Backdoor is open - oh damn, she got free?
Come home, maid in a wheelchair!
Where did you go, I miss you so
I treated you well so why did you flee?
It’s such a mystery to me
You
Can battle stains so well
I am helpless now
So please return…
…hoooooome!
Maid in a wheelchair!
Dishes pile up! All out of cups!
Guess I've no choice but to learn how to clean?
Should have foreseen…(should have foreseen)... this shit
And locked her in... (and locked her in)... the loo
Remember playing in the pool in summer?
You’d close your eyes and have to find the others
So much fun… paired with ESC!
So when I heard that someone was in Venice
I thought, “That’s perfect! Surely this will make his day!” So…
Marco Mengoni in a Lido resort, the full five stars
Found him poolside, watched him get in and I knew the fun could start
When I jumped in he fell off his blow-up unicorn
“You are Marco, I will be Polo!” Know what he did? He swore!
I soon found out how he responds to ‘threats’ – he
insisted that he’d call carabinieri!
Time to leave! I mean Italy
Decided I should cross the nearest border
And try again. I hoped that I’d have more fun there. So…
Eva Boto, in Novo Mesto, alone on a towpath
One would think that, given the setting, she’d know how to swim, but
When I pushed her in the river? Couldn’t even float!
To my “Marco…?” there came no “Polo” as she just flailed and choked
Sopping-wet Eva spewed, “How I despise you!” Time to go!
Head south? Not sure how far. You never know what you’ll find on the road…
Damir Kedžo sprawled on a lilo, relaxing in Zadar
That’s until I give him a push and he ends up out quite far!
It’s quite windy, so I wonder just how far he’ll go
Who knows? I hope Italy’s coastguards will find him from their boats…
I’ve a heavy load
It’s rainy and I’m cold
Business is a crime
We hardly get a dime
This hill will never end
The distances they send
Minimal, they say…
The wheels of aching pain… Aaagghhh…
My limbs failing,
With these orders weighing
Dodging cars colliding
Death beware!
So unaware I’m gonna fall
They won’t get anything at all!
You think it’s easy-clicking food?
Yet guys like me Deliveroo
Riding the wrong way down a lane
With two flat tyres, it’s insane!
You think your order’s coming soon?
Yet guys like me Deliveroo
Bewildered, I check now…
My bag is too full!
I’ve got a whole load of cans,
A bucket of wings,
An olive baguette!
Silence straining,
And the strange design means
It has torn the lining of my bag!
I’m chock-a-block, I’m going to fail
I’m riding slower than a snail!
You swipe, you wait, you want your food?
Yet guys like me Deliveroo!
Probably fired, I left at eight
I’m gonna be a little… late…
You pay your fee to get it chewed
Yet guys like me Deliveroo
**CRASH**
**SIRENS**
With splatted hair, covered in mud
Sirens blaring, so much blood
In shock despair I check my wound
Yeah, guys like me Deliveroo
Oh please don’t stare, it’s just a sprain
I’ll cycle through it, won’t complain
Make way, back off and let me through
Yeah guys like me Deliveroo
All is fair in love and grub! ooohhh…
Yeah, a low fare’s still a job!
So guys like me Deliveroo
Based on
Sweden 2000 / Switzerland 2004 / United Kingdom 1985 / Turkey 1980 / Finland 2002
æonian [iːˈəʊnɪən]; adjective
Lasting for an immeasurably or indefinitely long period of time
Synonyms: Eskerian, Sebastianian
Esker here. This is the 2nd ever use of the inverted footnote in ALC. If you missed the first one, well as Sigga&Sigrún once said: go on and follow this link. Being your Queen of Cowgirls, nay power bottom of ALC, I was particularly pleased to see my two-time sparring partner take the victory in 2023. That said, in the afterglow, Sebastian has become quite precious, even diva-ish, since his win.
Esker: No thanks, it reeks of Worcestershire sauce! Anyway, we had hoped to co-write again some day to complete our trilogy. But life - and death - got in the way as it often does. Following our respective victories last year, I suggested we write a potential opening ceremony AL, which Andy graciously accepted. Sebastian's rider for co-writing was extensive. In fact, more gifts than your average Pep Guardiola mega-fan would proffer. He laughed at my dong, spurned alcohol, rejected haute-couture apparel and scoffed at some holiday vouchers. I traipsedtrudged trekked through the internet: Only when I bought him this snow globe did he confirm participation. To each his own.
Sebastian's Review Editor, Corinna, urged us to "come together, right now, in sweet harmony." Even though I think she had something ruder in mind, we concur:
It is our hope to inspire future Winner & Cowgirl co-creations.
Of course, as you all know, writing an AL isn't always straightforward…
Sebastian: So we wrote a lyric about that! We felt it was important to show how even the best writers, and Esker, still get stuck sometimes.
Sebastian: He also insisted we come dressed in spectacular Eurovision outfits. An hour ago. So I chose Piero (sans Music Stars), since I already had a pink shirt, and had to rush to the bus stop to catch the limo Esker sent for me. I’m not a happy bunny…
Esker: He's just jealous that I’m attired as Roger Pontare circa 13th May 2000.
Sebastian: Aww. I thought you were Dustin the Turkey. :(
Alternate reprise idea:
You’re Once, Twice, Three Times a Cowgirl (to France 1976)
Back-up Alternative reprise idea:
Where the Hell Did My Votes Go? (to Austria 2023)
...but since both those songs have been AL'd before...
Actual reprise based on UK 1989 (Live Version)
Live Report – Why Do I Always Get It Wrong?
Footnote: Yeah, I know this is the wrong place for a footnote. As in DEVIL, I've inverted things – get over it. This AL was written early this morning but after the Day-One voting...when Sebastian and tim,london were practically Amina'ing. Since I may not be around for some of the voting tonight, I’ve left you some optional lyrics at a couple of points. Of course, if someone else won [presumably Jonas as it was Yami last year], well, congratulations – consider this your mention. Indeed, at the moment Man in the Manor is on nul points – here’s hoping it will stay that way but I've also provided for the joy of points. Sing as you see fit. Without further ado...
<polite but annoyed applause>
One more sad AL for me to write
Much more heartache
Than
Death
Has brought me
Once more
Being
The voteless kind
Not quite pointless/Life is pointless
But I can’t find them/In my A.L.C.
Whenever I was writing, I thought it might do well
Yet the votes expose
My inner nincompoop-ness
What you can’t ignore
Is that my lyrics are a bore
Should have written ‘bout Sonia’s wrath
Or the purviest show on Channel 4
But-
I’m playing--
Your fool of prose⸺
Least I’ve found there’s some meaning to life
No never could I write of...
...such condimental girls /such baristastic stuff
Nor do I regret
My lyrics filled with weakness
Cause I am quite proud
My votes are rather...unendowed
(Need more bad ALs/crap ALs, Mister?)
(He can write them but you won’t like them)
I just wanna correct these
stories for everyone
so those who should will feel embraced
Because who you are within, is
something to be affirmed
the joy you bring it is
something to celebrate
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
The movies need updating
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Harina Potter
I hope you know you're magical
That the Mirror of Erised shows your true self
Sweet lady
Harina Potter
That closet you outgrew
Outside it, you found you
Harina Potter
Had the fight to
Pull through, debut anew
And decide to
Be true, renew, do you
You inspired to
Be good, do good, love good
By your side to
Break through, undo bad views
She was eleven, when she found out her whole world would change
Put on the Sorting Hat: told she's not the same
The whole Great Hall heard her real name
Fear crossed her face, life was changed
Oh what a howler, where is that invisibility cloak?
She stood paralysed, a Dark Mark cast its deathly evil spell
She looked to her friends, someone to depend
Along they came, anti Dark Arts Defence oh
Feared being locked up inside Azkaban
The entrance of her Secret Chamber flung open wide
Even showed on Marauder's Map
Golden snitched by the Sorting Hat, imagine that
Yet magic world, they did accept
The wizards, witches too, they all got her back
No matter demented plans, untoward
They don't restrain when that TERF attacks, no
Whether they were
Cis, gay, non-binary
They all signed to
Dumbledore's Queer Army
They defeated
She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
Fantasies now
for trans people reclaimed
This one is for all those
Girls and boys who lived, and lived out loud
You all have magic inside, you do
Wand chooses wizard; gender chose you
Based on United Kingdom 2023 Mae Muller — I Wrote a Song (music video version)
It was 9 in the evening
During semifinal 2
I think I ended up screaming, yeah
And then I needed a poo
It was so mad to watch her
Sing out loud for all the crowd
Something quite unforeseen
People still off the scent
I knew she meant
The secret was set free
Because now thing is known
I called you on the phone
And said about the bones
Iru was not alone
Because now thing is known
No time to wonder how
Although the secret’s out
And we need to be strong
Because now thing is known
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh no no no no
Oh heavens, thing is known!
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh no no no no
Christ, Jesus, thing is known!
I had only two days’ notice
So it was time to take charge
Yes, I took out the folder, baby
Because she was still at large
So I was gonna
Warn them all, tell Österdahl
By fax I sent my plea
And then it all began
A genius plan
Made up in ’93 (oh, gee, oh, gee)
Because now thing is known
I’ve got to set the tone
They should go ban to sing
One act for this one thing
Because now thing is known
This person is the worst
Avoid her maybe first
A horse killed with her stone
Because now thing is known
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh no no no no
Oh heavens, she’ll perform!
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh oh oh oh no
Oh no no no no
Christ, Jesus, she’ll perform!
Look, it’s been a while
Some thirty years, but it was vile
He featured in a postcard then, that night, that night
No lie, it was sick
I’ll tell the world, just what she did
Our Millstreet boy, as named by her
She threw a stone, gave him a kick
Won’t complicate, he passed away
Justice Sonia will face
Because now thing is known
As Iru passed along
A comeback feels so wrong
It’s time to make her gone
Because now thing is known
Watching the final now
But there’s Sonia all out
I’m wordless for so long
I thought that thing was known…?
