One Night In Birkenhead

Based on Albania 2019
Jonida Maliqi — Ktheju tokës

*cheers as car exits the mystical M53*

Seems quite dear for two grand
Is Travelodge a high-end brand?

TV won’t switch on
Soundproofing acoustics don’t impress
When lesbians next door have sex

Bloody shower’s broken
Where’s my complimentary pen?
Damp walls riddled with lead
Suspiciously white stained bedspread

*returns after jury final*

Blinds don’t block the sun
Breakfast is a contemptuous mess
Fruit juice has not been freshly pressed

Stale burnt toasted white bread
Served with communal low-fat spread
Must avoid the ‘latte’
Lesbians drank seven. They’re dead!

(Toilet tissue? That costs extra)
(Room had mildew? Tasty fungus!)
(Hey you! Pay up! You had breakfast)
(Please leave review)

*with acute passive aggression*

“Thank you very much. Faleminderit shumë. תודה רבה.”