Based on Greece 2005
Helena Paparizou — My Number One

I was browsing
all through grindr
when I found a pilot who looked like a model

He was so hot
with an 8 pack
that I went ahead and told him “ wow I want you!”

So I met him
at an alley
and I blew him dry until I had him screaming

Then I took him
to the bushes
and I fucked him silly for more than ten hours

You were my fuck
my one grindr fuck
the only asshole I’d ever sucked
You were my fuck
my one grindr fuck
Tell me that you love me and I will eat your ass

Sex was so good
for a few months
that there were days when I couldn’t feel my prostate


Something’s happened
you don’t call me
so I follow you into your swanky apartment

What the hell, dude?
Who’s this woman?
I think I’ve been taken for a very wild ride

You can see me
from the kitchen
now you’re shaking madly dropping all the dishes

You go crazy
and I notice
that you’re packing heat so I will make my exit

But oh my god
oh my fucking god
turns out you married a girl named Kat
But oh my god
oh my fucking god
good luck with your six kids, your dog and your Kat

You’re a cheater
and a sleazebag
good luck getting rimmed now cos my tongue is busy


I have her mail
her email address
and there’s one thing that you’ve never known
I have the tapes
of all of our fucks
and to your dismay they are now on their way

Back to grindr
but from now on
I’ll jerk off alone you useless motherfucker*

*Inspired in part, to my eternal shame, by true events. Don’t look at me like that, he was really hot goddam it!!!!!!