Based on
Sweden 2000 / Switzerland 2004 / United Kingdom 1985 / Turkey 1980 / Finland 2002
æonian [iːˈəʊnɪən]; adjective
Lasting for an immeasurably or indefinitely long period of time
Synonyms: Eskerian, Sebastianian
Esker here. This is the 2nd ever use of the inverted footnote in ALC. If you missed the first one, well as Sigga&Sigrún once said: go on and follow this link. Being your Queen of Cowgirls, nay power bottom of ALC, I was particularly pleased to see my two-time sparring partner take the victory in 2023. That said, in the afterglow, Sebastian has become quite precious, even diva-ish, since his win.
Sebastian: I am not a diva!! We’ll discuss this later in my trophy room.
Esker: No thanks, it reeks of Worcestershire sauce! Anyway, we had hoped to co-write again some day to complete our trilogy. But life - and death - got in the way as it often does. Following our respective victories last year, I suggested we write a potential opening ceremony AL, which Andy graciously accepted. Sebastian's rider for co-writing was extensive. In fact, more gifts than your average Pep Guardiola mega-fan would proffer. He laughed at my dong, spurned alcohol, rejected haute-couture apparel and scoffed at some holiday vouchers. I traipsed trudged trekked through the internet: Only when I bought him this snow globe did he confirm participation. To each his own.
Sebastian's Review Editor, Corinna, urged us to "come together, right now, in sweet harmony." Even though I think she had something ruder in mind, we concur:
It is our hope to inspire future Winner & Cowgirl co-creations.
Of course, as you all know, writing an AL isn't always straightforward…
Sebastian: So we wrote a lyric about that! We felt it was important to show how even the best writers, and Esker, still get stuck sometimes.
Esker: See how Sebastian treats me‽‽‽
Sebastian: He also insisted we come dressed in spectacular Eurovision outfits. An hour ago. So I chose Piero (sans Music Stars), since I already had a pink shirt, and had to rush to the bus stop to catch the limo Esker sent for me. I’m not a happy bunny…
Esker: He's just jealous that I’m attired as Roger Pontare circa 13th May 2000.
Sebastian: Aww. I thought you were Dustin the Turkey. :(
Esker: How jolly dare you--
[Intercourse interruptus by a familiar tune...]
We are winner and cowgirl
Together again
We started to write you this AL
To welcome you on this auspicious day
Some 20 years since ALC began
What should the theme be?
For our craft, what idea could land?
Let's celebrate those ALs not recognised enough at the time
So our task was going well
Poofly to Muggle-Wump
Near completed, well I thought
When someone (not Esker) did get...
[Brace yourselves…]
That song’s horrid!
Change it, change it
To one less meh
I don’t want to write to that!
I’ve decided he’s dull and bland
Thought at first it wasn’t bad
People do change their minds!!
Hey, let’s AL Celebrate!!! :)
Yes it’s awful, but hear my case
We should praise those ancient greats
With this song everyone on Earth hates
It’s from ‘04, a nostalgic pick :)
Pair it with caffeine, it goes twice as quick :) :)
This Swiss cheese is worse than pubic lice
Still, it beats two piss-corroded eyes
Yes he’s crap, completely flat
But just picture him being slapped
Or blown up and swiftly stabbed
Now it’s slightly less vile
Think I’ve made my point with grace
Roger Pontare’s too sedate
Our ystävyys is at stake
But I hope now y’see things my way!
[Drama intensifies]
Now my ears are bleeding
No I can't believe it
Only a twat would want to throw
Our lyrics all away?
Have you lost your focus‽
Well, then, read this notice
Were the Swedish words from Roger's Vind
That made you walk away?
Sure there's always a big one
Sometimes a small one
Stressed out to make it fit?
Gimme a Letdown or maybe a slowdown
But changing the song, for sure is risking it
Since you’re the top now, I'll bend to your know-how
Find songs to float your boat
How about Beatles? The Dream? Foi Magia?
Given you want something that's evil, this one:
Now that I’ve had time to think
I’m ready to concede
Sorry that I was so mean
About your ugly swede
We’re not here to screw around
Let’s do that gruff old goat
At least if it’s a hot mess
It's not up for a vote
Swedish is… kind of vile
Not pretty like Malay
But alas the spirits called
Rang from Hell just to say hej
For you, I’ll replay that dross
Pluck lyrics out my arse
There’s a trick to songs one loathes:
With inhalants, it goes fast
Hfffffffff… 🥴
Huffing on petrol
I see potential
Fumes are leaded
Feel light-headed
Lightning-fast pencil
Struggling? Huff petrol
Problems all settle
Too hard? Don’t stop
Motivation?
Need for perfection
I think it's working
Just needs rewording
Hope they won't dope test
Or I’ll be stripped of all my medals
Verdict from Esker?
“New draft’s no better”
“Unreadable mess…”
I knew I should have gone with Wingdings
OhhhHhHhhhOhhhHhHhhhOhhhHh 🥴
[Esker reboots Sebastian… and the lyric]
Wow, we were in a pickle
Songs flooded in but lyrics trickled
Thought, “let’s rejuvenate”
What song befits our A.L.C. state?
We love stories that hypnotise
Based on real-life dates gone awry
…and bullfighting odes!
Why would anyone step outside
Before summer’s up?
It’s not done till the cowgirl croaks
Bored through the eventless Maytime
Stuck in lyric limbo we pine
ALC’s a drug, made us addicted to yew
Whenever a great idea strikes
We stir-fry some lyrics with pride
They can make you laugh, or start you tearing up too
Obsession with changing words
It never gets old
All the MB know
(Scrolling down on through the ALChive)
Look at how our contest still thrives!
It’s our only drug, besides petroleum fumes
Decades on, ALC won’t die
Yet our tribute’s end is in sight :(
So, to make this short, we’re just addicted to moo
Wow! These 7 minutes flew by
Ending with a great compromise!
Nah, let’s just restart… what do you think of Shiru‽
______________________
Sauces of Inspiration
Inverted Footnotes
| Follow this link: | 2023 / Esker / MM, SHTT! I Blame DEVIL!! |
| Power bottom: | 2023 / Esker / Man in the Mirror |
| Two-time: | 2014 / nacs / Dirty Cheater |
| Afterglow: | 2019 / Dunge / Chernobyl in the Rain |
| Diva-ish: | 2023 / ijwblue / Diva |
| Diva: | 2009 / Esker / Diva Wars |
| Discuss this later: | 2010 / Jahner / I Really Need To Piss |
| Worcestershire sauce: | 2023 / Sebastian / The Condiment Girls |
| Death: | 2023 / Esker / Silence Hides the Tears |
| Graciously accepted: | 2010 / Haris / Too Hard To Resist |
| Pep Guardiola: | 2015 / Keithykat / Gifts for Pep Guardiola |
| Dong: | 2021 / Esker / Big Bad Dong |
| Alcohol: | 2008 / Jeremy / Guv! Gin n’ Sprite |
| Haute-couture apparel: | 2012 / Amutrejk / Papa wears a bra |
| Vouchers: | 2021 / ariseatex / Get 10% Off My OnlyFans With a 12-Month Subscription |
| Corinna: | 2010 / Kenny / Don’t Hit My Eye |
| Sweet harmony: | 2022 / SpK / Sweet Kingdom |
| Co-creations: | 2010 / Yami / The Freaky Cross-Breeder |
| Straight: | 2020 / liam_j / Wimbledon |
| Treats: | 2008 / phutty / Lagrits - Ah! [Liquorice is, in fact, disgusting - but the lyric is a treat] |
| Outfits: | 2007 / Thomas / Panties and a Bra |
| Sans: | 2007 / ChrisMCR / Je ne parle pas français |
| Limo: | 2017 / nikosextra / Blablacar |
| Happy bunny: | 2014 / Oliver / #HobbyToUnwind |
| Jealous: | 2015 / moshe / How I Wish That I Had A Thigh Gap |
| Turkey: | 2016 / Yami / Turkey in the Eurovision Song Contest |
| You: | 2008 / Pete D / You’re Such A Bad Friend |
Sweden 2000: To Boldly Go Where No AL Has Gone Before
| Winner: | 2005 / AdolfoPT / The Worst One Won |
| Cowgirl: | 2005 / Elin / The Real Number One |
| Started to write: | 2008 / Nick D / Min Första Schlager |
| Auspicious day: | 2008 / BKR / Life begins at forty |
| ALC began: | 2004 / Yami / La vache et l’Enfant [In the beginning, there was cow. Cowgirls were invented later] |
| Theme: | 2015 / carly & rich / These are the silly themes |
| Craft: | 2012 / Adonis / Master in Arts |
| Land: | 2016 / nikosextra / We’ll leave for Jan Mayen |
| Not recognised enough: | 2005 / Pete D / Strip-o-gram, Strip-o-gram (A Typical Career After Eurovision) |
| Poofly: | 2009 / Orestis / Poofly |
| Muggle-Wump: | 2012 / Harrow / Muggle-Wump |
| Completed: | 2020 / TenT / Still Washing |
| Someone: | 2010 / RobAUS / The Bitch |
| Cold feet: | 2020 / Jonas / In the Freezer |
Switzerland 2004: A Pointless Argument
| Horrid: | 2019 / carly & rich / To Serve Man |
| Change: | 2012 / Arvid / Sudden Tempo Change |
| Meh: | 2010 / LukeF / With A Shit Song Like This |
| Bland: | 2019 / Andrei Felix / Don’t Spice Yo Food |
| Change their minds: | 2023 / Paul / I Really Should Have Gone With Marco |
| Write: | 2010 / Doron / Letter by Letter |
| Celebrate: | 2023 / SpK / Zero and Counting |
| It’s awful: | 2012 / Thom-NL / That Sounds Shit To Me |
| Ancient greats: | 2023 / ijwblue / U.N.E.S.C.O. |
| Earth: | 2007 / Marianne / ET Phone Home |
| Nostalgic: | 2014 / arcticandy / Ostalgie |
| Caffeine: | 2011 / Timoteus / Oceans of Caffeine |
| Cheese: | 2023 / ariseatex / Little Red Cow |
| Pubic lice: | 2019 / Dunge / My Crotch Is Itching |
| Piss-corroded eyes: | 2014 / Jordy / The True Story of How Corinna May Got Blind |
| Completely flat: | 2011 / Boris / Mélancolie |
| Blown up: | 2006 / Luke / Inflatable |
| Stabbed: | 2018 / Tom Colchester / Your Sex Dolls |
| Made my point: | 2011 / Timoteus / The Most Convincing Argument Ever |
| Sedate: | 2023 / tim,london / Tired Barista |
| Ystävyys: | 2012 / Jukka / Ystävyys |
| Y’see: | 2007 / boog / Y’see |
UK 1985: ALChemy with Aeone (the Artist formerly known as Vikki)
| Bleeding: | 2010 / Jonas / Where Is My Tampon? |
| Twat: | 2011 / Frank / Twat |
| Throw: | 2005 / [PoLLe] / Throwing the Fish |
| Lost: | 2018 / Esker / A Lost Voice |
| Read this notice: | 2009 / Asterios / ALC User Manual Song |
| Swedish: | 2013 / tim,london / Made in Sweden |
| Walk away: | 2008 / Arvid / We’re kicking out the Swedes now! |
| Big: | 2021 / Esker / Big Bad Dong (2) [Yes, - so big they named it twice] |
| Small: | 2008 / Oliver / Small guys are feath’ry things |
| Make it fit: | 2023 / John007 / I Wore a Thong |
| Letdown: | 2023 / Ali B. / Letdown at Channel 4 |
| Slowdown: | 2020 / Dimivision / Procrastination |
| Song: | 2012 / wahoowa / Postmodern Song |
| Risking it: | 2016 / JonathanBE / Syphilis |
| Top: | 2011 / Martin-DK / Penetrate |
| Know-how: | 2010 / Bobbo-NL / Happy To Sing (Left or Right) |
| Float your boat: | 2012 / Doron / Sharks! (We cannot leave the bay) |
| Dream: | 2015 / Holger / The Story of a Lyricist |
| Evil: | 2009 / Nick D / History’s Wackiest Villains |
| Verliebt: | 2009 / Harrow / Fuck On A Leaf |
| Dich: | 2010 / Thomas / The Smallest Dick on Earth |
Turkey 1980: Petrol Stationary
| Time to think: | 2020 / Sebastian / Freedom |
| Concede: | 2014 / Dimivision / I Am Not Right in my Head |
| Sorry: | 2022 / Jay / Gerard's Regret |
| So mean: | 2011 / Dimivision / Lys Assia |
| Swede: | 2023 / Jay / Ratatouille |
| We’re not here to screw around: | 2020 / Esker & Sebastian / Urk’s Files: The Day That Urk Stood Still |
| Goat: | 2018 / Sebastian / Scami and the Beast |
| Hot mess: | 2022 / Javi / Grindr |
| Vote: | 2006 / [PoLLe] / We Can’t Live Without Neighbours |
| Kind of vile: | 2012 / Yami / Swedish Lesson |
| Malay: | 2011 / Jonas / I Love Asian Cock |
| Called: | 2019 / Dimivision / Your Voice Can Take Me There |
| Hell: | 2023 / kccc / One Night in Birkenhead |
| Dross: | 2006 / ade / Every Song Is An Irish Dirge |
| Pluck: | 2016 / Harrow / Great Emu War |
| Out my arse: | 2021 / yves / Poopity |
| Goes fast: | 2006 / Geert / Grannie on Speed |
| Petrol: | 2011 / Asterios & Thomas / CargoVan |
| I see: | 2014 / Jordy / The True Story of How Corinna May Got Blind (2) |
| Leaded: | 2016 / kccc / Replacement bus service |
| Light: | 2008 / Dan, Dan, ALC Man / Chip Shop Light |
| Lightning: | 2022 / Yami / Maja Static |
| Struggling: | 2017 / Esker / Learner Driver Confesses |
| Problems: | 2016 / Dimivision / I have no pubic hair |
| Hard: | 2006 / ChrisMCR / Hard Cock From Viagra |
| Stop: | 2007 / David in Hull / They Can’t Stop Incest |
| Motivation: | 2022 / Harrow / The Eurovision Gym |
| Perfection: | 2013 / Alexander-NL / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder |
| Working: | 2005 / Aviad / Rent Me Tonight |
| Rewording: | 2023 / John007 / Sonia’s Revenge |
| Dope test: | 2012 / Yami / Heike Dreschler Doped |
| Stripped: | 2005 / Timoteus / Takin’ clothes off one by one |
| Esker: | 2005 / Alexander-NL / Estonian Cowgirl |
| Unreadable mess: | 2017 / Esker / Care For A Dance, Milady? |
| I should have gone with Wingdings: | 2021 / Sebastian / My Number One (Hieroglyphic Version) |
Finland 2002: The Finn-AL Frontier
| Pickle: | 2014 / Doron / A Day in a Vegan’s Life |
| Flooded: | 2006 / Timoteus / Pissadansen |
| Trickled: | 2014 / Jordy / The True Story of How Corinna May Got Blind (3) |
| Rejuvenate: | 2021 / Dunge / Hair Rejuvenation |
| State: | 2023 / Alexander-NL / I’m In A Meditative State Right Now |
| Love stories: | 2014 / nacs / Make me feel your love again |
| Hypnotise: | 2016 / Dimivision / Hail, hail rainbow |
| Real-life dates: | 2021 / Maoz / This Cute Dwarf Is Really Stubborn |
| Bullfighting odes: | 2017 / DeeVee / Bullfighter’s Wife |
| One step: | 2015 / Harrow / The Interrupting Bettina Soriat |
| Summer: | 2008 / Martin-DK / Summer Santa |
| Croaks: | 2009 / Martin-DK / Do Me Like I Was Amphibian |
| Bored: | 2010 / Spencer / Snoring |
| Maytime: | 2011 / Nigel / ESC - Come What May… |
| Limbo: | 2006 / Niall / Soulless |
| Pine: | 2010 / AdolfoPT / Porcupine Kate |
| Drug: | 2011 / Frank / L.S.D. |
| Yew: | 2010 / Roger / In Love With A Tree |
| Great idea: | 2011 / jaymakk / Mass Murder in a Sushi Bar |
| Stir-fry: | 2007 / Nannarja / Shaken Not Stirred |
| Pride: | 2014 / CostasP / Requiem of a Drag Queen |
| Laugh: | 2021 / scami / HA, HA, HA!! |
| Tearing up: | 2007 / Fulingen / To My Father |
| Obsession: | 2023 / YouSkinnyBitch / 2048 |
| Words: | 2014 / Esker / Obscure Lexical Delights |
| Old: | 2010 / wahoowa / Who Stole My Hair? |
| MB: | 2023 / SpK / MB Baby |
| Scrolling: | 2017 / nikosextra / Tinder, Grindr |
| Look at: | 2017 / nacs / Look at my |
| Thrives: | 2013 / phutty / Barely Alive |
| Petroleum fumes: | 2024 / Esker & Sebastian / Æonian Lyrical Celebration |
| Decades on: | 2020 / srg / Now It’s True |
| Won’t die: | 2007 / Richard_CT / Undead Marija |
| Our tribute: | 2010 / Martin F. / Verbal Diarrhoea |
| In sight: | 2020 / Dunge / An Adventurer's Photo Collection |
| Short: | 2006 / Laura Malice / Je T’Adore |
| Moo: | 2013 / Thom-NL / Cowie Daisy |
Code Embed: No embed code was found for CODEtablenoborder