I Wore a Thong

Based on United Kingdom 2023
Mae Muller — I Wrote a Song

Ooh yeah!

Browsin’ in Marks and Spencer’s
Selectin’ new underwear
Likin’ the look of big knickers, yeah
So comfy, maybe austere

So confused, I gotta
Choose some pants to wear in France
And hope a boy may see
Granny knicks seem more appropes
But: “sexy as can be

So yeah, I bought a thong
To aid my hunt for schlong
Red really sets the tone
Hot men – they’re comin’ home
Oui, vin blanc - sauvignon
But should it feel like this?
Barbed wire’d be the same
To rub against my clit
Won’t have to wear it long


Pain must be undergone


Oh crap, I hate this thong

I keep my cool and composure
In evil sous-vêtements
This château got some real hot men, baby
They notice my pert tétons

Oh, my poor li’l
Punani is split in two
Stuck miles up my ass
Pubic hair: escapin’ out
Cos I forgot to wax

So yeah, this stupid thong
Just gotta suck it up
I cringe when I sit down
Refresh my solo cup
Let’s look around just now -
Potential beaux galore
But this is… holy cow!
I’ve never been so sore

My thong’s declaring war

This party – I belong


The pain - I can’t prolong

Bonsoir, Pierre, ça va, copain?
Would you lend me ta main?

At last! I’ve ditched the thong
My fanny’s so relieved
Pierre: a gentleman
It feels like I can breathe
But what is this discharge?
Fuck’s sake: I can’t believe
Must google “lady thrush”
Would not happen to Niamh

Wish I’d not worn the thong