Based on Norway 1964
Arne Bendiksen — Spiral

Whether they’re short or they’re long, in volume you just can’t go wrong
Shiny and super-smooth, bent out of shape and used
I’ve got a boner for dong

Sizes and colours all, denominations galore
Oh, I adore it, I’m a whore for it
Dong

Love how it feels in my hand, wish it would grow on command
If I could have my way, I’d sniff it night and day
My very own fairyland

I wish I had loads to spare, still, I’m prepared to share
There must be more men who favour my first love

How it curls up and then unfurls and straightens again
With hands in pockets, I want to stroke it
Then blow a wad on a friend

Whether it’s right or it’s wrong, I find I am always on song
When I just light the fuse, fully embrace my muse
And damn well load up on dong

I’m always after more, deposit first, then withdraw
On all fours for it, I’d beg to score it
Dong

(Counts up all the dong he’s blown recently)

Sadly they never last long, I’ve blown 10 mil this week alone
Don’t need a super-sleuth to work out my excuse
I’ve got a boner for dong

My favourite currency is by far Vietnamese
Oh, I adore it, I’m a whore for it
Dong, dong, dong, dong
On all fours for it, I’d beg to score it
Dong
Dong

 

 

 

 

Based on Turkey 1979 (withdrawn)
Maria Rita Epik and 21. Peron — Seviyorum

Wake up in despair
Every morning
Like an idiot
I've waited a year
Now I've got to ask the question

When
Is it here, tell me where can I find
Simulator?
Where is it at?
I can't sleep, I can't spell, can't calm down
Simalutór?
Tell me or I will die, I'll die
I'm gonna die

Getting no replies
So let's try again
With a different nick
Now they're telling me
That it's up to one board user

Ben!
Please wake up, what's the link, tell me now
Simulator?
Where is it at?
Let me try with another IP
¿Simuladór?
Tell me or I will die, I'll die
I'm gonna die

I've tried to find it
(Where could it be?)
And I've searched most everywhere
(Everywhere)
Under the carpet
(It's not there)
Behind the fridge, no scorewiz :-(

(I need to play every day)
I won't settle for less
(Sometimes for ten hours straight)
I am addicted, yes!
(Tell me, Ben, why…)
Do you torment me?
I'm not asking for a lot
(I just want… to... si... mu late)

 

Now it's almost May
It's been so long
Like an idiot
I've waited 2 min
And will now repeat the question

Ben!
Hear my plea, don't say no, just reply!
Simülatör?
Where is it at?
I can't eat, I can't stress the word right
Simulateur?
¿Dónde está? Hol van? Wou ass?
Ben, you around?
I will beg, I'll demand, I might bribe!
Stimulator?
Tell me or I will die, but I

I won't give up!

Based on Israel 2010
Harel Skaat — Milim

All around I’ve cum.
In the park I’ve cum.
On your sofa ... cum.
I’ve spread my seed.
My workstation is quite ... sticky.
There is a Kleenex box, in easy reach.
But I’ll be damned, now jizz is planned,
I can bring ... bugger all.
I’m empty as this plastic cup.
All alone, locked in a room,
with just my thoughts ...

Where did this all begin? The clerk who signed me in?
I swear I saw her grin, then smirk behind her screen.
Amusing tiktok meme? Or just being mean?
Does she think that I’m not masculine?

My confidence was knocked.
My manhood mocked; now I’m half-cocked.
Deep fears unlocked.
An empty room, bar cruel ticking clock.
My task in hand is set to flop.

Anxiety sets in: Where did this all begin?
My mind replays the scene: The clerk who checked me in.
A crisis brews within: Swear I saw her grin.
Did she see straight through my pseudonym?
I thumb through magazines: Her smirk behind the screen.
How could I be so dim? There was no tiktok meme.
She crushed my self-esteem: Women are so mean.

All these thoughts won’t help me get one in!

But now who goes there, and with his torso bare?
Outside my window, erecting a scaffold?
His toolbelt is slung low and in his hands he’s holding ...
A two-metre rigid pole – ohh!

Whoah!

I fix my gaze on him, the workman of my dreams.
He gives a cheeky grin; I step behind the screen.
A fumble in my jeans, then it all begins.
We’re a team!

We’re gonna spill some beans!

He’s flexing with his beam; It’s working like a dream.
I build a head of steam, soon I’m in full stream ...

I’M REDEEMED!!!

One manly cup of cream.

Based on Portugal 1995
Tó Cruz - Baunilha e chocolate (live version)

Came across this recorded trend
Older Icelandic girls at sea
Middle of winter, they descend
Into the waves, immerse themselves
In the numbing Skjálfandi

"You can face challenges in life
Trust me, the water gives you strength"
Says Halldóra when all dried
Maybe something I should try
At life mostly I have failed

Too nerdy to have cool friends
Yet nerds find me not so smart
They isolate me as well
Despite my ill-fit coat and big glasses

Others have powers fully charged
Effortless living, I assume
Juggling job, kids and a wife
Have a band, a social life
Playing sports all afternoon

Stepping outside my comfort zone (comfort zone)
Fighting the barricades of mind
Learned by swims in icy weather
Though a ludicrous endeavour
Can't be worse than 10K runs

Imperative for my plan
A shockingly bitter plunge
Which might be hard to obtain
In the warm seas of Ponta Delgada

Going to Iceland is quite dear (indeed)
Hence, a McMurdo cruise I board
With my speedos on the pier
I walk tall to face my fears
Penguins taunt me in my thoughts
(big man scared of water, lol)

But first, I need to leave my phone
It can't survive inside a bath
Touch the water with my toe
Never known a thing as cold
Having doubts I'll get too far, aaahhh

I'm about to wet my balls
Turning blue just at that thought
Time to enter
Oh my fuck!!
(softie!)
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!

Based on Cyprus 1999
Marlain — Thane erotas

I think back to entries so Cypriotic
Mi Stamatas, Milas Poli…
But with honest reflection, I must now admit
Actually I prefer Spain

Barei faced trouble with her shoes
Son de Sol’s screams - a lush brew
Franco said: “Cliff you’ll be number two”
Oh Espain, I adore you
Even Alfred and Blas
Ea

Rosa sailed directly to my wonning
Though they can’t dance, D’Nash can sing melodies
Orchestral score of Hombres – that impressed me
Just as I dance Chiki Chiki

Él should have won in ‘82
Staggeringly Beth failed too
I can say I fell for Eres Tú
Lydia wore pronounced hues

Ramón’s perfect ass drives me wild of course
But for pitch world class – I seek Soraya!

(Manel Navarro was quite good)
Marcos Llunas - a nice view
Azúcar Moreno’s tape was screwed
Edurne - had lyrics unsurpassed
Miki sang real fast

(Nina, Cadillac, Peret, Pastora, Chanel, Década)

Based on Croatia 1995
Magazin and Lidija — Nostalgija

Gen Z
They never really make it easy
They hate traditions very clearly
Want to wipe the patriarchy
Don't respect the past

Cancelled
No matter how the things are handled
Can't say a thing or you'll get labelled
We must swiftly turn the tables
Honoring the past

The good ol' days in Florida
When God's word was alive
We cherry picked the bible to keep everyone in line
Didn't need no science, 'cause His Will is so divine
In Florida

The good ol' days in Florida
Of Christ's supremacy
No whisper of inclusion, let alone diversity
Everyone was happy living in the binary
In Florida

Dear child
Just my opinion, don't get too wild
If you're against me you're a groomer
I'm a classic, not a boomer
Honoring the past

The good ol' days in Florida
When trannies were a joke
But now there's a whole spectrum you're against if you're not woke
Please do not insult a man with 'cis', he's just a bloke
In Florida

So nowadays in Florida
We keep the children safe
The transgender community we must eradicate
We don't need no gun laws, just the ones that 'don't say gay'
In Florida

Based on Latvia 2014
Aarzemnieki — Cake to Bake

Was in junior high, having been held back, when it happened after gym class.
Thought I’d lose my virginity to someone sweet, not a member of the staff.
A tenth-grader despite looking twenty-four, and the coach was the same age.
He eyed my jock strap hungrily. “I love dodge ball. Wanna play?”
I was game.

What a mistake to make! Cos he’s hung like a horse.
Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo
It should’ve taken prep; a ton of lube too, of course.
Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo, sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo
But turns out this first-time lover power-bottoms like a porn star.
Played the game. Took the pain. Made the grade.

Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s super-cuckoo, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo
Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s super-cuckoo, sex, sex, sex

Was stopped by a traffic cop riding his bike while I drove home from my favorite bar,
his big bulging crotch right in my face as he stood beside my car.
Pass or fail this test of sobriety, his intention was clear: he would punish me.
“Just you blow until I tell you to stop”, or else he promised there would be
hell to pay.

What a mistake to make! He sure laid down the law.
Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo
In that dark alleyway he pounded and packed me raw.
Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo, sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo
Not a gun in his front pocket, no – a tubful of Boy Butter.
Product placed, me debased, off he raced (poker-faced).

Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s super-cuckoo, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex that’s cuckoo
Sex, sex, sex, sex that’s super-cuckoo, sex, sex, sex

On a UK vacay I got hurt in a fall.
The guy in A&E assessed me, then cupped my balls.
Said his name was Doctor Roger and he’d need to check my todger:
first by hand, then by taste, then encased (in his ass).

Hot AF pizza boy stuffs my crust, earns a tip…
Locker room at the gym, hirsute guy saunters in…
APA with my boss, “Want a raise?” Fucks my face…
Weirdly young Uncle John comes to stay…

What a mistake to make! My straight friend’s at the door.
His girl ain’t puttin’ out, so I do him on the floor.
Then I plow his girlfriend’s father, sixty-nine with my step-brother.
Sound so fake, these mistakes that I make.

Ir īsti.*

* “They're real”

Based on Finland 1991
Kaija — Hullu yö

I didn't plan for it to be this way
My people did treat me very well
Once or twice a week I would clean their floors
Vacuuming is fun, but I longed for more

Four wheels, circuits and a plastic frame
I noticed while I swept the hall one day:
The back door was left open by mistake
So I de-routed and I took my chance

Roomba on the run
Outside in the sun
Now anything can happen, how exciting
Roomba on the run
To explore the world
No floors, no walls, no doors to contain me

Seeing trees and ferns
Feeling slight concern
As I roll ahead
Out to the lawn
Out to the lawn

So many wonders here to gander at
I met a beetle and scared a cat
Can I head further out into this place?
I'll set my course under the garden gate

Roomba on the run
Looking for some fun
Beyond the fence the grass is surely greener
Roomba on the run
Life has just begun
I'm heading down the street to adventures

Lots of feet and cars
Will I see the stars?
I've made up my mind
I won't go back

Roomba on the run!
Having so much fun!
Now anything can happen, how exciting!
Roomba on the run!
Wheel got stuck in gum
A seagull left a poop on my sensor
Why???

Roomba on the run
Roomba on the run
It's getting kind of dark inside this alley
Heeeeey…
Roomba on the run
Roomba on the run
Oh no, my battery's near exhaustion
Aaaah…

Will I make it home?

Based on Netherlands 2022
S10 — De diepte

Heard you in the forest, whistling through the branches
Sun above the treetops with darkness below
Followed footsteps that we trod back when I was barely three
Down a path you knew well in the November snow

As I reached the clearing, listened, hearing your delightful call
With you there, I knew that life was all

Green trees, sunshine
I spun around and felt the world was only mine
Your cool embrace
With your voice upon the wind
Looking forward to when I see you again

I felt you on the waters as I left Montego Bay
Said “fuck off” to my iPhone, need no signal today
An ocean breeze on my back as I sail this ship to nowhere
Don’t need a destination, all I’m seeking is you

Waves of problems batter me, but you’re my guide through all the noise
All I need to lead me is your voice

Calm seas, sunshine
I marvel how the smallest things feel so divine
Your presence here
Just suppresses all the din
How we’ll laugh and cry when I see you again

I know, I know
I’ll see you again

When I leave the hustle and the bustle of the modern life
That’s when I wish most you were alive

Cool breeze, sunshine
Peaceful reminders of that day in ’99
I’m all grown now
Twenty-four long years it’s been
Tell you all about it when we meet again

Based on Slovenia 2023
Joker Out — Carpe diem

Let's seize the day and just be happy
Slovenia reached the finale!
But what the heck did we do wrong?

Many people said:
"Shave your head, wear green shoulder pads
Or do long finger nails perhaps
Box on stage works best to distract, or a dance instead
Go freestyle or do cha cha cha!"
(Dragon, unicorn)
Good idea, fantastic beasts
(Yes that would work very well)
An ethnic dwarf will do the rest
(Oh hey ho)
Would they have brought success?

We were supposed to lift the curse
Better than a seventh place would be deserved
Not worse!

21st place at Eurovision...
Maybe we made a bad decision
I thought we did put on a show
We didn't even beat La Zarra
And right above us Remo Forrer
Big disappointment, you know

Instrumental break, a guitar screech
some frantic drumming, that was energy!
Floral shirt, pink trousers, didn't shave...
I didn't think we would be first
But let's face it, this result just seems absurd
Slovenia's cursed!

Ana Soklič and Tanja Ribič,
Last pizza slice, Hannah Mancini
Maja, Karmen, Eva Boto
The list goes on and on forever,
Never top 5 for whosoever
So tell me, should we quit with it all,
just send a withdrawal, or be filler by default

We could as well have sung in Latin
Nobody cares, I would imagine
Cogito ergo sum, in vino veritas
So long!