Based on Claudia Faniello – Caravaggio (Malta NF 2008)

I can't believe I am in jail
As a criminal I'm a fail
And it's because a small detail
Some jerk called JesMan outed me
With a Sebastian, who is he?
In some kind of lyrical spree

I am Faniello
The cruel jigsaw killer, Faniello
Rotting in prison, I have discovered a new pastime
Playing with colours, Faniello
I paint portraits, all in yellow
Of all the people that harmed me in some way

Fabrizio looks nice without head
Chris and Moira's colour is red
They'll look better after they'd bled
What can I say about JesMan?
For him I have a special plan
That includes his friend Sebastian 🫟

Fear me! Faniello!
Painting cursed pictures of your death throes:
Poisoned with cubed hogs… trampled by bullfrogs… slipped up at work…
Thought Balkan lynxes were just fiction…
Buoys exploded under friction…
Shopped at Lidl, went home Riddled with budget germs…

>:D

The guards say no more paint till I learn to behave :(
Too bad Fabrizio can’t help

Newsflash! Ira Losco
Washed up in pieces around Gozo
Killer’s still out there, means I can go home! And paint!! Huzzah!!!
Wrote to my brother, “I’m in trouble”
Hoped he’d send pencils… this is better
Deaths on canvas feel so lifeless… let’s make real art!

Killing with teamwork!
And secret weapons…

Scrotal paintballs! 🫟🫟

Based on Malta 2001
Fabrizio Faniello – Another Summer Night

Another hand washed up last week
There's murder in the air
Torn apart: a whole band
Segmented on the sand
Times Three, divided

Can’t work out where this skin goes
Perhaps on Number 2?
Comb the beach
One nose *each*
We want these girls to rest ‘n peace

Another puzzle night for us morticians
The Jigsaw Killer prowls these isles
Those aren’t Number 3’s front teeth, they’re too white
Fix that, we’ll all have beaming smiles

Dreadful crimes
Pleasant times

Best start with the corners
Can’t just plug the gaps with hair
Why’s this pile got spare eyes?
One vocal cord complete
That’s quite concerning

Number 1 is now almost done
That’s Moira’s sister – fun!
Number 2,
Not a clue,
I must analyse her poo

Another puzzle night, but it’s too much work
(and you are tired)
I will call my colleagues; one’s a jerk
(he always smirks)
We’ll have fun while assembling these bodies
It’s just one of our vile hobbies

Chiara’s here
Chris brought beer
(helps with his sister-in-law)

Another puzzle night’s like a thriller
(so exciting)
We should thank this bold killer
(all of us)
For all the hours of fun they provide us
Shame the press is making a fuss

Who’s Jigsaw?
(we will give you a hint: They are a pure soul)
I don’t get the clue
(They are a Caravaggio fan)
Is that true?
(The cops are on high alert, so you know)
(Breathlessly searching for her now)

Oh! I’m so proud of her

Based on Montenegro 2026
Tamara Živković – Nova zora

Tale that is unknown.
It’s dire.
Legend untold,
now hear the
true story the two Grimm brothers stole.
The red riding hood,
Montenegrin gold.

(Montenegrin grandmas start chanting the tale)

…Little Dunja loves her grandpa Djordje (big Djo!)
Secret spy in the Ottoman Empire…
Grandpa Djo’s gotten a little old and ripe.

Djordje hides in Orja Luka,
long way from Gorica.
Ottomans have blown his cover,
Dunja has to help him.
She wears a hood– it’s red with two headed eagles.
Goes her way up, rocky mountains,
pine forest of Crna Gora.
…So it all starts…

**Dunja strolls happily admiring nature, but she occasionally feels the breath of someone watching her, until she hears footsteps on leaves and turns around in a sudden manner**

BALKAN LYNX: Where do you think you’re going?
DUNJA: What the fuck?
BALKAN LYNX: Lead me to that old man.
DUNJA: You are not to trust!
BALKAN LYNX: I’m a cute little kitty. A friend of his.
DUNJA: I guess you’re not a spy! It’s right after that hill, suppose that you can walk with me!

What the knez is going on, is this bitch real?
Does that cat think that I am this stupid?
I know this story and how it's meant to end

Once the night sets he will ask for
Help to work his toothbrush
Once I reach in to start brushing
He will gobble me up
No way, no way, no way, that ain't gonna happen
Cause I'm smarter, I'm a daughter
Of the wrath of Crna Gora

"Dunja, it is dark, can we rest here please?"
(Here goes)
"I need some help with my teeth"
(Really?)
I will help you brush, let me get that brush
"Thank you"
Open your mouth, here it comes...
My knife!

Slit his throat from inside out
He never saw it coming
Wore his skin as a disguise
To get to Orja Luka
"Djordje, dear grandpa, I am here now to save you"
He was dead, and so it ends
The morbid tale of Crna Gora

Crna Gora

Based on Lithuania 2005
Laura and the Lovers – Little by Little

Base notes of jasmine,
Musk and vanillin
With top notes of orange,
Turk’s rose, bergamot

Such things as you might find
On the fruit and veg side
The rest is a mystery
Cos ladies, it’s all middle aisle

New… Ridl®️ by Lidl
Work out the notes at its heart?
No one will ever
Guess its constituent parts

Mortar and pestle?
Chinese cookbook? Waffle iron?
Pocket Prosecco?
We’ll bet you haven’t a clue

Reached no conclusions
About that infusion?
Why not then muse on
Our Ridl®️ Pour Homme?

Perfume meant to smother
Her nostrils, body, appetite…
It comes at a discount
50ml for a dime

Yeah… smell our Ridl®️
Go guess its own counterparts
Basil, cucumber
What makes it glow you may ask!

Eau de toilette
Also repels mosquitoes
Don’t you dare drink it
Won’t pay for your stomach pump.

Mmm… Parabens free? – No!

Guess its 10 liquids
Give us a list of extracts
Creative thinking
Will help you get to the prize

Solving our Ridl®️
Grants you a Lidl coupon
500 euros
To spend in our Riga store!

Based on Bosnia and Herzegovina 2007
Marija Šestić – Rijeka bez imena

Grateful these things are there
Common anywhere
Shape may vary ball to ball
Often round is usual
Seen yet ignored
Sullen razzmatazz
Startling they could save my life…

Anchored down they’re put to work
Unseen, their hollowed cores
Intrigues me so, they must have holes?
Lavishly spelled with a “u”!
And if judged overall
Class untouched so in awe…

Would you ever know?
Buoys hold my heart so
My attraction drives me weak!
Let’s talk candidly
Although polyethylene
It’s that “u” so suave, let’s boy on buoy!

Got to collect all
All buoys globally
And we’ll make an island
To the air
Form a pyramid
Now buoys fill me up, so
Near Polynesia

Got to collect all
My approach is now
All the ships worldwide
Come to here by me
(Forget Strait of Hormuz)
Pile them all in one huge pyramid

Would you ever know?
Earth’s buoys are all here
Giant slide!
Visible from space
Artemis II also
Giant buoy watersliiiiiide

*Happy splashdown*

Based on Greece 2002
Michalis Rakintzis — S.A.G.A.P.O.

Mon (day day day day)
At the office I’ve arrived (hope no Michelle)
My laptop out of bag and docked (oh crap, she’s in, in)
What’s my password (my password? My password? My password? My password?)

Now (let’s think v. hard)
I did change last Friday eve (was on the wine)
When the monthly prompt arrived (Hate that thing so, so)
What’s my password, my password, my password, my password?! (help!) My password?!?

What, what, what the hell did I put?
Was it S, 3, 2, dollar sign, O?
No! No, no, ticket to IT:
“Please reset and for sure let me know”

Here’s Michelle, looking smug as hell
“Did you check IVA? VAT?”
Fuck, logged in, 56 unread
Saw my invoices, all wrong, God please!... (help!)

[Frustrated stomping]

Changed (pace, ways, and fate)
All the sudden working fast (files stamped, piles halved)
Organised and streamlined (done right, precise, nice)
Tomorrow's work (and next day's, and next week's, and next month's, and beyond)

Praise ("Great, Dave! Firm's saved!")
Single-handedly outdone (Q1 forecast)
Downward revenue rebound ("Wow - how?" They bow now)
Thanks to the stomp (Must have spawned skill hormones from my bones. Who'd have known?)

Celebrate, bosses gather round
By next month I will be CEO
Take a call, it's IT, what now?
"It's all good, I don't need anymore!"

"Dave (soz, late), got your ticket now"
"And good news, we recovered your code"
"It's: MichelleIsAMassiveWhore"
"... underscore, eight" and speaker is on

Damn

Based on Luxembourg 1990
Céline Carzo — Quand je te rêve

Maybe you think I'm sad and vile
Because you'll never see me smile
My manager said to the press
It was due to pressure and stress
That’s nonsense

The sad truth is that I was cursed
In my childhood, while I was nursed
So when I smile my curse causes extreme bad luck
And its main consequences are yuck!

Each time I smile, everything ends up in tears:
Sophie Carle tries to sing, she hasn’t learnt in forty years
Each time I smile, two "papa pingouin" die,
Printemps does not revient and Marion is not so fräi

That’s when I smile, each time I smile

:(

That’s why I avoid having fun
My sad is best for everyone
Even one wrong emoticon
Could cause a dying Solomon

Just last week, without thought I smiled near Chris Baldo
And his hair all fell out in one go

Each time I smile, Baccara gets worse at French
Luxembourg shrinks some more, Park Café got split by a fence
Each time I smile, Ireen Sheer goes up in flames
Bertrand’s wardrobe turns straight, ‘85 group adds 6 more names…

It’s such a burden being the cursed one
I take no pleasure teaching these lessons

Once Sarah Bray mocked my face, she scrubs taints now
Tell me to smile one more time, you might end up
In Kontinent

Based on Turkey 1975
Semiha Yankı — Seninle Bir Dakika

Centipede stuck in my bra
How did it get there, who knows
Bit me and then simply crawled back to sleep
While I'm awake in the cold

Ladybugs nest in my hair
Bullfrog just crapped on my knee
"Camping is fun, come and join!" my friends lied
Why did I ever agree?

The tent is a leaking pool
And my left shoe's full of bees
At least there's a lesson learned:
Centipedes are not for me

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Monkey-kind are not for us
They only see us and scream
Why do they even come here, dunno
They simply shun all our gifts

Just a wee nibble or two
They’re a sweet ‘Hello!’ from me
Ladybugs work tirelessly for you
Give a head massage for free

Like them, you reject the bees
Show you warmth, but they are shunned
The frog’s gift of poo repelled
Your disgust leaves us all stunned

And then you begin to kill!
No idea how we have earned
Your hate when for you we have,
Come what may, nothing but love

La-la-la-la-la-la-loooooove

Based on Estonia 2026
Vanilla Ninja – Too Epic to Be True

"Cubetti Cubicù"
The catchiest of tunes
This pork by-product
Used in adverts last
In 2022

When I'm starting to question
My life choices and all
Midnight's past, but only song six
The guest acts continue
Number seven? Argh, more presenters
Now pubblicità, then I hear it:

"Cubetti Cubicù"
Itself an AL to
A 1960s Yé-yé song from France
Called "Zou Bisou Bisou"

But no, still not song seven
DJ spins by the pool
Wish that fucking cruise ship would sink
Just go home, Fiorello
Even Bugo left, he was clever
But it's all worthwhile for the jingle

“Cubetti Cubicù”
It's 3 A.M., we’re doomed
Let's call the dealers
Roll the note, drugs up!
Well, Måneskin did it too.

Revived a thousandfold
High time I had a go:
Ditonellapiaga… nailed it!

“I can't wait for the advert to come on!”
“Mph-mph."
"More Coke.” ( snorts )
“You’re missing the line like that!”
“I'll rerack it."
"These boobs won't stay still."

“Cubetti Cubicù” ( Song 30! Woopty-do! )
Was cheery, now I'm through
What started genius
Grown in annoyance
Repetitive half-tune!

( This song, ick! I feel sick! They're squeaky! )
We'll somehow AL through!
( Jump off bridge! Use arsenic! Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak-squeak, squeak! )
Cubicù genius!
San Remo lasts for hours!
Cool vibes' their better tune.

---

( Singing harmonies: "R, A, 1" , "Ooooooo" )

---

Pubblicità
( Cubetti Beretta Spot 2020 )

Crack eggs with regret but
This is on you
Ham-oniony texture
Reduces to goo
Laugh manically, there's
Aromas to challenge
Strong oregano
The key is disguising

“Daddy, Do you think it's food...?"
“Paul, what do we do...?"
“Eww, bits have turned to soup..."
“Form a splinter group ( ALL: ) Oh... er... it tastes so good!"

Cubetti Beretta. You have to see it... but you'll never believe it!