A Fantasy, Yeah

Based on Finland 1983
Ami Aspelund — Fantasiaa

Words to this song; they don’t come easy, no, ’cause Finnish is long
Words to this song; had seemed a breezy, but it’s been dragging on
Words to this song; preoccupy me every night, every day
Words to this song; this melody is so gay

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an ambition so might
To compose this song in Finnish; tryna put up a fight
But it’s taking so long; I am in such a delay
And I will surely miss the deadline; need to find the right rhyme

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an idea so bright
But it’s taking me forever and I need a respite
If I could just hang on maybe my brain will obey
Then I shall finally get to finish and go lay in some hay

(I can do this; piece of toast, yes
I can do this; be the most, and
Go my way and rest on blocks of hay)

Words to this song; a mad experiment; been racking my brains
This just won’t do; I know you know this because I know it, too
Words to this song; forgive me saying this, but Finnish is cray
Not nice to say; The Muses won’t meet me halfway

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an ambition so might
It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an ambition so might
And I’m glad to say I’ve made it; yes, I’ve finished tonight
Even though not quite right, it sure as heck is okay
And before you all I stand here to present it today

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an idea so bright
But my words just seemed to fail me; not inspired, not slight
But I’ve made it this long and now my fears are at bay
Yes, I finally got to finish this and
Finally got to finish this and lay in some hay.

Haunted by Lys A

Based on Switzerland 1957
Lys Assia — L’enfant que j’étais

Haunted by Lys A, just can’t get her to leave
An endless Refrain, I don’t want to receive
This curse I’m subject to, no-one can answer
Each day she comes anew, it’s true disaster

Inside my mirror, her visage before me
At nights she whispers, in my dreams she’s set free
She just won’t go away, it is a horror
I beg and I implore her, please leave me Lys A

A creak on the stair, though none is around
A chill in the air, straight from the beyond
Lingering decay seeps out of the walls
Lake Maggiore, drips in the bathroom
A hair in the cream, of my risotto
In the shower steam, a G for Giorgio

I fear that I must consult a specialist
The priest down the lane certainly will assist
He’ll come this weekend to take my confession
I’ll share with him my woes over polenta

A circle of salt, water blessed and holy
All measures in place, time for Lys A to leave
But the sly old lady, she has deserted
The priest told me most sternly, it’s all in your head

Lawyers 4 Less

Based on Israel 1992
Dafna Dekel — Ze Rak Sport

Misdeeds can get you in a jam
When caught by a detective
Why spend your whole life on the lam
When we’re so inexpensive?

We don’t know much about the law
But our smiles are arresting 🙂
Our fees are level with the floor
Whoever you’re molesting!

We bought our law degrees from Internet
We’re not much use except for cutting overhead
In truth, in tennis we’re well-trained
But for the law we’re not well-brained
Can’t win a case but we can often win a set

It also doesn’t help our case
When loose balls hit the judge’s face
Got charged with murder? Don’t expect we’ll serve an ace

There are no limits to how much you can love
…But it’s still bigamy according to the judge

At tennis court we’re all adored
At real court? Abhorred
Too bad we’re all your coins afford
Justice can’t be bought

We’ll act naïve about your guilt
To get you a fair hearing
But secrets often end up spilt
When we get racketeering

Been stabbing ladies in the dark?
We can’t bury the hatchets
And arson rarely lights a spark
It’s not our kind of matches

At Wimbledon our skills were truly deft
But in the courts we can’t deny a simple theft
The other side is rarely stressed
At least the jurors look impressed
Their eyeballs zig-zag round the courtroom, right and left

Please let us know if we forget
To take the visors off our heads
Or if our socks have tiny bobbles on the ends

Back in our primes we were all Sharapovas
Makes perfect sense that we became solicitors

At tennis court our skills they laud
At real court? We’re flawed…
If you’ve been caught in acts of fraud
Mistrial’s your best shot

🎾 🎾 🎾 🎾 🎾

[Tennis grunt]

Yay!

Custody battles are also far too hard
Frankly, it’s baffling why we haven’t been disbarred

At tennis court we earn awards
At real court? Dropped jaws
Lawyers 4 Less – Our bills are smalls
‘Cause our skills are balls

Papa pada papa papa, hey!

Whatever Nigella Wants, Nigella Gets

Based on Germany 1998
Guildo Horn — Guildo hat euch lieb!

Don’t say ‘micro wave’
Pronunciation’s been erased
We’ve been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say ‘mee-kroh-wah-vay’

There once was a time
Common sense, it was in its prime
When micro fitted with phone, scope or cosmic
Waves were non-pandemic
But not anymore
Cause Nigella’s busted through the door
And she changed history, in one tiny short clip
“Warmed in the mee-kroh-wah-vay”

Don’t say ‘micro wave’
Pronunciation’s been erased
We’ve been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say ‘mee-kroh-wah-vay’ (mee-kroh-wah-vay)

She’s in her own little world
Those hazel eyes, the madness twirls
Did she mean it or was she just joking?
Maybe she was smoking!
Now that would explain
The confusion, the linguistic pain
Still I ponder at night while I’m lying awake
Should I say ‘mee-kroh-p-ho-nay’?

Don’t say ‘micro wave’
Pronunciation’s been erased
We’ve been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say ‘mee-kroh-wah-vay’ (mee-kroh-wah-vay)

I can’t make it tick
How it tocks, her phonetic logic
Cause if I had to say it phonetically?
“Beep beep beep, mee-kroh-way-vee!”

Don’t say ‘micro wave’
Pronunciation’s been erased
We’ve been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say mee-kroh-wah-vay (mee-kroh-wah-vay, mee-kroh-wah-vay)
(Don’t say ‘micro wave’) (mee-kroh-wah-vay)
Oh, say mee-kroh-wah-vay (mee-kroh-wah-vay)
(Don’t say ‘micro wave’) (mee-kroh-wah-vay)
Oh, say mee-kroh-wah-vay!

The Book

Based on Austria 2021
Vincent Bueno — Amen

The Book
I read
It said to look at the past results
The stats
It said
Dress in black with no trace of yellow

No it never said it’d stitch me up to bomb
And even not to qualify

But The Book
The Book
I say this is what it ranted
This is what it ranted
The Book
The Book
I say this is what it ranted
This is what it ranted
The Book

I took
Running order much better than 2
No curse or
Kiss of death
In March it said to select, not too soon

No I never thought it’d bury me this way
No I never thought it’d lie

But Omens
Omens
I say this is what it stated
This is what it stated
Omens
Omens
I say this is what it stated
This is what it stated

Not part of a group
And singing at 5, at five, AT FIVE
No sun glasses
Like Rafal
Doomed for The Ride

But The Book
The Book
Tell me is this what it wanted?!?
Tell me is this what it wanted?!?
The Book
The Book
You are burning in the dustbin!

You are getting what you wanted!

The Book

Hair Rejuvenation

Based on Denmark 2021
Fyr og Flamme — Øve os på hinanden

Oh God no what is that!?
Do I need to wear a hat?
My hairline is looking so thin and weak
Maybe it just needs a little tweak
Like a combover, that could work!
But what if the wind is strong!? Won’t it look wrong!?

(You’re going bald)
My hair is falling off, I’m freaking out
(You’re – You’re going bald)
My head was full of hair, but now it’s barely there

Always had long glorious hair, now I show a lot of scalp
If I want to keep my mane I might just need a little help
Could a transplant be part of the solution? I want hair rejuvenation!

Toppik won’t hide my spots
I’m just losing lots and lots
My head shape is not ideal, it’s getting real

(You’re going bald)
My drain is full of hair, what happened here?
(You’re going going bald)
So I guess there’s no way back, but I just can’t let go

Always had long glorious hair, now I show a lot of scalp
If I want to keep my mane I might just need a little help
A toupée could be part of the solution? I need hair rejuvenation!

(There’s nothing wrong with losing all your hair, now that is true)
(It looks good on Jason, Bruce and Dwayne, so why not on you too?)

Fuck it, why am I even pretending?

(Shave it off and then embrace it!)

I am bald and I am proud and now I want the World to see!
Being bald is not so bad when you’re a friggin’ hunk like me!
So I finally have a great solution: Don’t need hair rejuvenation!

Wonderful Wombats!

Based on Iceland 1996
Anna Mjöll — Sjúbídú

Zoom in on the zoo…

Good day, all! May we show to you (here, look here)
Our wombats in their pen?
Fine teeth, cute tongues
And best of all:
They also do cubic poo

Hey, we’re not kidding: cubic poo
That’s what these guys expel
Their little rectums must be mighty tender
With cubic poo moving through

Cubic poo, cubic poo
Marsupial excreta with a brownish hue
Cubic poo can accrue
Around a rock, in burrows, underneath your shoe

You see it sometimes near to you
If you’re Australian
Or on a holiday, you might encounter
Newly brewed wombat doo

“Cubic poo,” goes one view,
“Allows them to communicate with those they woo”
You could use cubic poo
As Lego, dice, in Jenga, as a Rubik’s Cube

Tigers are gnarly
Monkeys are sound
There’s nothing wrong with pink flamingos
Llamas are great
Sloths are okay
Still, only wombats ha-a-ave…

Cubic poo
Feeling envy?
Groovy poo
Our gift shop at the exit will supply to you
New, bijou cubic poo

Souvenir of poo
Kindly join the queue

Lick Block

Based on Croatia 2021
Albina — Tick Tock

arcticandy posted ALC is open
and some took that info really really rough
phuttys comment made me question website deadline
but arcticandy fixed that info, enough!

She is from Iceland, a real football fan
made us think she’ll give us something good
yami helped her out, artic showed some love
she didnt post replyyyyyy!

YAY YAY, watch the posts go
Maoz wrote that often
he gets write block
Jay’s always being
halfway, so really who knows
board screaming, “yay yay, yay yay, yay yay”
YAY YAY, start is hardest
Artic commented Jay
he’s man, writes nicely
Jonas joyfully welcomed extended pregame
“Please Skinny, submit, submit, submit”

Andy has birthday in july
and we will say congrats (congrats)
Harrow really need some ideas
phutty came as help again

YAY YAY, watch the posts go
how many he should
send in Maoz wondered
skinny could send just
half song, so really who knows
board screaming, “2-0, 1 -3, yay yay”

Writtin’, writtin’
Think you, think you pency
Ski-nny
submit, submit, submit

I fear this lycris will come as flat
but they best from what I got (I got)
At least i would send some words in like yami
and gain some points across

Lick-block, nek se dure što to pišem.
jezik grizem,uvijek puno kišem.
Lick-block, tinte cure, ne mogu više
Oh no, oh no

YAY YAY, watch the posts go
Maoz wrote that often
he gets write block
Jay’s always being
halfway, so really who knows
board screaming, “yay yay, yay yay, yay yay”

Writtin’, writtin’
Think you, think you pency
Ski-nny!
submit, submit, submit

Auto Reload

Based on Belgium 1980
Telex — Euro-Vision

Messages keep flying
People can’t see those birds
Unaware, they’re typing
Same things with different words

It has been asked before
Gone unnoticed, we kept climbing pages
Refresh to get some more
Scroll up-down, sometimes it took ages
If only we had the wonderful

Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload
Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload

(While the instrumental part flows, here’s an idea of how it could look like. That last option is probably a fantasy, but wouldn’t it be great if it existed as imagined below?)

Easy to implement
Just a few lines of code
No plugin can do it
Need only left frame mode

Almost like real-time chat
With live screen, showing instant replies
All boards should be like that
No more “Great minds…”
Maybe even a fun flick for deleted messages

Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload
Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload

Auto relo…, or should I scream, hey MB Team 😉

Belarexit

Based on Luxembourg 1974
Ireen Sheer — Bye Bye I Love You

*Mournful balalaika*

You never did appreciate our special ways
We never thought you’d fall so low
And with a smile and satisfied we can now say
we will deprive your little show of greatness never known!

We ourselves wanted to leave, but our many friends would miss us
They say you never deserved us. So it’s time for you to hear:

Bye-bye, EBU! See you!
We’ve fulfilled the dreams of Belarusians, no more ESC!
Our involvement always was against better judgement
It was pain. Think us fools? No more songs, not from us!

All those clerks who do your will – you should send them en vacances
They will be mocked in Genève but it won’t end BTRC!

Such a farce. So sad to see. We are sorry for your leaders
We will save millions of euros, you will cry for tens of years!

Bye-bye, EBU! Boo-hoo!
Have you knocked yourselves out fabricating more atrocities?
It’s you, not we, who need to be saved from yourselves now,
from the shame, fan abuse, PR wars – and from us!

Bye-bye, EBU! Fuck you!
Servants of a garbage ruling elite. False, low-quality
propaganda worthy of a cult of old Brezhnev
Watch yourselves, what you do, now that you’ve messed with us
Because you’ll rue the day that you made of us an enemy –
we, the invincible Belteleradiocompany!