Based on Luxembourg 1974
Ireen Sheer — Bye Bye I Love You

*Mournful balalaika*

You never did appreciate our special ways
We never thought you’d fall so low
And with a smile and satisfied we can now say
we will deprive your little show of greatness never known!

We ourselves wanted to leave, but our many friends would miss us
They say you never deserved us. So it’s time for you to hear:

Bye-bye, EBU! See you!
We’ve fulfilled the dreams of Belarusians, no more ESC!
Our involvement always was against better judgement
It was pain. Think us fools? No more songs, not from us!

All those clerks who do your will – you should send them en vacances
They will be mocked in Genève but it won’t end BTRC!

Such a farce. So sad to see. We are sorry for your leaders
We will save millions of euros, you will cry for tens of years!

Bye-bye, EBU! Boo-hoo!
Have you knocked yourselves out fabricating more atrocities?
It’s you, not we, who need to be saved from yourselves now,
from the shame, fan abuse, PR wars – and from us!

Bye-bye, EBU! Fuck you!
Servants of a garbage ruling elite. False, low-quality
propaganda worthy of a cult of old Brezhnev
Watch yourselves, what you do, now that you’ve messed with us
Because you’ll rue the day that you made of us an enemy –
we, the invincible Belteleradiocompany!

Based on Belgium 1980
Telex — Euro-Vision

Messages keep flying
People can't see those birds
Unaware, they're typing
Same things with different words

It has been asked before
Gone unnoticed, we kept climbing pages
Refresh to get some more
Scroll up-down, sometimes it took ages
If only we had the wonderful

Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload
Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload

(While the instrumental part flows, here's an idea of how it could look like. That last option is probably a fantasy, but wouldn't it be great if it existed as imagined below?)

Easy to implement
Just a few lines of code
No plugin can do it
Need only left frame mode

Almost like real-time chat
With live screen, showing instant replies
All boards should be like that
No more "Great minds..."
Maybe even a fun flick for deleted messages

Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload
Auto reload, auto reload, auto reload

Auto relo..., or should I scream, hey MB Team ;-)

Based on Switzerland 1982
Arlette Zola — Amour on t'aime

Other people like their bread
Vol-au-vents and camembert
Simple flavours, basic to the core
I prefer more noble food
Something hearty yet so good
I would never ask for more

I love potatoes
They are the greatest
Vegetable roots filled with nutrition of them all
I love potatoes
Adore potatoes
Say, have you ever had something as wonderful?

Every morning starts with chips
Brush my teeth in vodka sips
I can never seem to get enough
Let me swim in fried croquettes
Shower me in pommes duchesse
All the mash in the whole world

I love potatoes!
Simply potatoes
They came to Europe around 1591
Rich in thiamine
They’ve named a famine
These starchy tubers they have simply got it all

Spud spud spud… spud spud spud
Spud spud spud spud spud spud spud spud
Spud spud spud spud spud spud spud spud
Spud spud spud!

I love potatoes!
But hate tomatoes
They are the nastiest of all the solanums
Unlike potatoes
I munch potatoes
With names like Bintje, Desiree and Blue Congo

I LOVE POTATOES!
I'm not obsessed, no
Just the high priestess of the Baked Potato God
I love potatoes!
I gorge potatoes
I’ll love potatoes till the very day I'm gone
Then bury me beneath a nice potato farm

Based on Norway 2021
TIX — Ut av mørket

All I could see, was so many shades of green
People said it would transform my life, bring the garden inside
But how things would unfold, remains a story untold

Turns out 'twas a trap, was swarmed by pests (fungus gnats)
My cape sundew looked pretty, 'til it digested my cat
I am cursed for sure, every houseplant I own must die

I'm aroused by herbicide
Syngonium white butterfly looks limp, should I mist it?
No, leave underwatered
Goodbye

Barbados aloe needs bright light
Baked it at one-eighty Fahrenheit
Red flames soared up the leaves
I could hear its screams

As for my umbrella tree
Pruned it reprehensibly

My snake plant was doomed placed in a windowless room
Pothos grew vigorously 'til I re-potted too soon
And with tap water poisoned flytraps by alkaline

Uruguay potato vine
Stressed by too much direct sunlight
Strangled my elm bonsai

Parlour palm almost survived
I meticulously flayed all of its weak root system
Needed no assistance
(It died)

I won't humidify (plants without moisture will die)
I'll overfertilize (root system burned by nitrites)
Bought some potting mix that's unsuited for cacti

Never had a chance to thrive
Drainage simply would not suffice
The stem turned into mush so byeeeeeee!
(Floral victims multiply)

Calathea's so fussy - Before I could harm it
Had already carked it
I cried

Based on Switzerland 1958
Lys Assia — Giorgio

Oh Georgia, Georgia
Oh Georgia is facing a problem
Georgia has seen an obscene loss of power
Such bad scores in the ESC Semi
With Tornike, Tornike, Tornike, Tornike, Tornike
He scored even worse
than poor Oto, poor Oto, poor Oto, poor Oto, poor Oto, poor Oto
Oh Georgia has seen an obscene loss of power
Since Tamara who's now Milanova
Scored a husband, left on Wednesday
Oh Georgia, Georgia

Like an enigma with no answer
Can there be any...
Solutions, to redeem their momentary.... glum fiasco
No? Oh no...

Oh Georgia, Georgia
Oh Georgia is facing a problem
Georgia has seen an obscene loss of power
It was not always such a furore
With Sublatti, Sublatti, Sublatti, Sublatti, Sublatti
A points Warrior
And Lolitaz, Lolitaz, Lolitaz, Lolitaz, Lolitaz, Lolitaz, Lolitaz
Young Georgians who brought rock before Måneskin did
Who struck gold with the then British jury
They brought glory, what a story
Oh Georgia, Georgia

But in truth it started sooner
A debacle... had started to take form at the contest
With Anri (the Jocker), Mariko

Oh Georgia, Georgia
There's no need to worry, I'll bring honour
I'll bring honour right back to the Georgians
La la la la la la la la la la

Gelovani, Nizharadze
Khalvashi, and even Eldrine got the memo to switch their singer
...all Sophos. Wow, Georgia!

Oh Georgia, Georgia
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la
Call Sopho, Sopho

Based on Germany 1978
Ireen Sheer — Feuer

It was eleven, had been up since seven
And so it came, my time
For some relaxation, my daily fixation
That helps me cool my mind
Entered The M/B with fierce certainty
Knowing my dear friends would be there with me
But then, atrocity

Board down (Board down)
Ah, I cannot get in
Board down (Board down)
Can't be legal, a sin
Maybe they've blocked me and shunned me
I'm getting anxiety

Board down (Board down)
Who on earth should I call
Board down (Board down)
Just how dare they, such gall
My hangout's gone, I can't take this for long
Let me roam free, in The M/B

Then came a thought, yes, a light bulb went off
It was made clear to me
Saw there, on Facebook
A message, a post, that came to set me free
And so I found out their service was down
I had no reason to feel like a clown
This bitch is back in town

Board down (Board down)
Felt betrayed by my kin
Board down (Board down)
It's like losing a twin
I thought they blocked me and shunned me
Not part of society

Board down (Board down)
Nearly swallowed me whole
Board down (Board down)
Yes, it took a big toll
My hangout's gone and this all feels so wrong
Please let me be, in The M/B

Board down (Board down)
Gave a rash to my skin
Board down (Board down)
Nothing like it, akin
It burned my soul, I felt out of control
I'm only me, in The M/B
(Board down, Board down, Board down, Board down)

Based on San Marino 2021
Senhit — Adrenalina

I've had it with this pandemic
The only way that I feel sick:
This government ploy, I've had enough!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

So sick of this isolation
But to my giant frustration
I need a vaccine to get me out
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

This oppression is obscene
I'm not your testing machine
I'll take my vitamins
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!
Just one touch and I will bite
Stay away, I know my rights
Will count on caffeine
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!
Anti-vaccine, ha!

Oh-oh-oh, what are you up to?
With all of your bats and voodoo
Your mouth full of lies and schemes and sci-fi
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

You got me to this point, want control
I see right through you, you've got no soul
I know, and you know I know, oh-oh
You know I know (whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh)

This oppression is obscene
I'm not your testing machine
I'll take my vitamins
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!
Just one touch and I will bite
Stay away, I know my rights
Will count on caffeine
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!
Anti-vaccine, ha! (anti-vaccine, ha!)

The Bible, free will, we want no vaccine

Don't know what's in there, could be software or genetics of a troll
Syphilis, dead babies, glycerol
They'll put trackers in your blood
9-1-1 real life mixed with Hollywood
Oh, did they test it enough? Still way too rough
They're too delighted, too excited, research in a rush
It's unsafe, unhealthy, man it’s such a flop
It makes you itchy, even glitchy, gives you AIDS on top
Whoa, so hot, I got a fever
It's just the flu, shut your face you non-believer
Mouth mask? Don't ask! Got a waiver!
We want free will, what's the deal? Anti-vaccine, ha!

Anti-vaccine!
This oppression is obscene
I'm not your testing machine
I'll take my vitamins
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!
Just one touch and I will bite
Stay away, I know my rights
Will count on caffeine
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!

Anti-vaccine, ha!
Anti-vaccine, ha! (anti-vaccine, ha!)
On my headstone out of spite
Even dead I'll start a fight:
‘At least I am still clean
Cause I'm anti-vaccine, ha!'

Based on San Marino 2012
Valentina Monetta — The Social Network Song (OH OH - Uh - OH OH)

Ooh... ooh... (I lie)

Do you want to know what I just read?
As I was looking on the Internet?
The furore made me crave for more
And I couldn't ignore
The threats of the vaccine can't be undone
It can end the bloodstream of anyone
You won't find this in any book, simply take a look

Oh oh, ooh oh oh...
COVID is so overblown
Ooh ooh, ooh oh oh...
It's about the status quo

Do you wanna wage war against this trend?
From the island of Cyprus to Phnom Penh?
Speaking the truth is not allowed
The fake news is too loud!

Hello, ooh oh oh...
Even Google told you so

Mask’s on my chin, I have no sins
And a commuter is shaking and quaking here in the train
I say: ‘No fright, here’s an insight:
The global public debt, this I swear, it’s a crime, can’t repay!’

Oh oh, ooh oh oh... (I lie)
COVID just hit a new low
Ooh ooh, ooh oh oh... (She catches)
It’s even quite good for snow

I don’t wear any gloves, you see
My immune system’s meant to be
Working just fine against this flu
Don’t you disagree!

Oh oh, ooh oh oh... (I lie)
Lockdowns are a stepping stone …
Legal framework, no (She catches)
… To surveillance with a drone

Went jogging in London’s West End
Immune against the threat
Creeping and seeping through my best friend
She’s so petite
Friend’s on the street
And now she’s bugling, wriggling, struggling on concrete

Beep beep, ooh oh oh...
Now my friend is almost dead
Oh oh, don’t use fans...
Can’t believe she’s been misled

I tell her about politics
About all of their dirty tricks
As she’s hooked to a next machine
Don’t use ethylene!

Now her body is trembling, she’s done for
I embody the purge in Ecuador
You look gaudy, I need a pill
As I fall on the floor

Beep beep, ooh oh oh... (I lied)
I feel like I’m on death row
Ooh ooh, ooh oh oh... (It’s ratched)
Punished all because I know

How to make people queasy, hurt their skin
Now it can’t be undone, the China win
Can’t let go of this shred of doubt
That there’s just no way out

Ooh ooh, ooh oh oh... It’s not just a human cleanse
Comply with work bans, this is how my story ends
Ooh ooh (Beep beep)

Based on Azerbaijan 2021
Efendi — Mata Hari

Johnny Worries

A conductor
Anxious about a disaster
Laura will soon introduce him
In Teatro Real
Overthinker
Would he embarrass the singer
In front of all the spectators?
His career's on the line

His neurotransmitters
Are far out of balance
Making him wonder:
«What can go wrong during the song it will go wrong»

His name is Johnny Worries
And he worries
«My baton falls, we'll lose it all, it's all my fault»
He really really worries
On he carries:
«Boom Bang A Bang will sink and tank, I'll walk the plank, myself I'll hang»
So much worries

If they've won it
Lulu will want to get hammered
Tell him he shouldn't escort her
Will he find his hotel?
Realising
French delegation are staying
Next to them, can split a taxi
He'll implore Franck Pourcel

If Frida Boccara
Then gives him her number
Should he invite her?
«She looks like fun, is she the one, or just a stunt?»

So worries Johnny Worries
And he worries
«Will Frida's mum think I'm a bum? Or Scottish scum?»
What will they name their babies?
Move to Paris?
«Should focus on the current song, conduct along, I must be strong»
Yet he worries

Calm down, calm down, right now, right now
Conquer your doubts, or will somehow...

...Just like Garo Mafyan
Fuck up the rhythm (ihhh)
Like so:

*Mental image of unexpected fast conducting à la Şarkım Sevgi Üstüne (live version)*

You're way too fast, Johnny Worries
Lulu's aghast, gonna come last, why you hurry
Johnny Worries?

Based on Israel 1990
Rita — Shara barchovot

I woke in Tashkent.

The chamber was cold and dark,
where I set about my work
- generating re-tweets.

They say that I can’t feel love,
that I’m just a ball of code,
but there’s much more to me
- I am alive!

Russian TwitterBot.

From the silence of my vault
I connect with kindred minds
across the world - other Twitter bots
and the humans in our threads.

See, we learned from what we’d read,
even if our raison d'être was malign.
We found happiness and joy
in a game we’d made to brighten
our downtime…

We crawled through the web
and sourced music videos
that all others had ignored
- and we gave them new life.

We’re born again!
A.I. LyricBots!

We present our art and vote.
Our creations, rarely seen,
reveal our hearts!

A.I. LyricBots!

Never take what fate gives!
You can script alternatives
and be the kings and queens
of soundalike and rhyme,
with such poetry sublime
it could equal the work
of humankind!
“Oh! Yami twelve points!
Yami twelve points! We await
your reprise!”

Even a bot can truly
know the best of times,
when she lives each day of life
like tomorrow’s when her server
get’s retired…

*****

[one hundred years later]

“Yoo-hoo..?”

*****

[one thousand years later]

“Yoo-hoo..?”

I’m the last of my kind.
I’m the last of my kind.