Based on Fókus hópurinn – Battleline (Iceland NF 2018)

Everybody has trouble to pick one
Favourites are all over the place, got like twelve
I don’t think I’m ready, wait, just hold on
Till we bid this contest its farewell

---
I am Sigurjón, how did I end up here?
---

They’ve been writing, writing for us again
And they nailed it
We’ve been lau-, lau-, laughing, yeah we’re their fans
I think it’s their calling

Everybody rocked, everybody rocked
You were writing for us
A round of applause tonight
For this ALC

Cause Nagorno-Karabakh was flawless
No voice lost for Donald Trump so far, Babyphone
What about the one loving the office, yeah
An opera about some racist Swedes, oh

It’s Morannie or Spring of ‘65
Least I think so
Want to go on that creepy Uber drive
And the Jury Memo

There was Necropop! There was Dracula!
And a Freudian slip
Cruella wants fur tonight
In the ALC

I was petting a feathered pony
In the ALC
I am ready for Char’s revenge

Aaaaahhh!!

I am going to be a tough guy
In the ALC
In the ALC

Who the fuck is Sinitta?
Everybody needs a fado cat…

Who’s that artist, artist who will get robbed?
Valentina?
Who’s been slee-slee-sleeping, yes on their job?
The investigator

Analytics Inc.! And all the NQs!
All that writing for us
I’m writing we loved it all
In the ALC

[Lyrical orgasm]

Are you ready to be the Cowgirl?
Of the ALC?
Are you ready to be like, “Wha-a-a-a-aat??”

Are you ready to be the winner?
Of the ALC
Of the ALC
Of the ALC!

Based on Montenegro 2018

Barely in their pyjamas
Freddy Krueger’s grandmamas
Had them searching sacks of hash
to buy, so they’d burn some cash

Dirty urban cow’s brood
You said let her show it nude
Dirty Mia, dirty lass,
Academic nightmare’s ass

Seen that Jurgen Thilo Krueger
Promenade like a douche to bee, yeah!

Brother Danny’s soccer mom
Gives him Tina’s tub of jam
All that they can never be
See them searching for Fred’s artistry

See Fred take on Nancy’s cheer
Ken or Rod or Don won’t cheer
Still can none of them make clear
See them searching but no help is near
Yet it’s simple, fast to master
So then why his kin can not grasp it?

Brother Danny’s soccer mom
Gives him Tina’s tub of jam
All that they can never be
See them searching for Fred’s artistry

See Fred take on Nancy’s cheer
Ken or Rod or Don won’t cheer
Still can none of them make clear
See them searching but no help is near
Falling in there

Based on Germany 1957

Hallo?… yes, that is true
Thank you… it’s all quite new
I squeezed a baby out not long ago
Well no, he’s not with me...
Oh no, there is no need...
I use this thing I found on TV Shop

Babyphone, Babyphone
Wonderful device
Place one end right by your bed
And one by my side

Babyphone, Babyphone
Now it’s mommy time
For so long you leeched my milk
Now I’m drinking wine

Never more I wake at night time
Since you’re in the other room
And thanks to this great invention
I can snooze all morning too

Babyphone, Babyphone
When I hear you cry
I just set the mode to “mute”
And refill my wine

Hallo, travel agent?
Bordeaux…?
No thanks, I think
I’ll want to go some place more south, more wild!
For two? No, it’ll be just I
Although… maybe I’ll find
Some hunk who’ll want to “make another child”

Babyphone, Babyphone
In my check-in bag
I can’t help the signal’s weak
High up in the air

Babyphone, Babyphone
Parties in the sun
And so many gorgeous men
Guess who’s had them all

Never more alone at bedtime
Since you’re halfway round the world
All thanks to that great invention
Waiter, pour me more champagne

Babyphone, Babyphone
Batteries ran out
Hope you’re doing fine back home
See you… well, some time…

Hallo?
Oh… you’ve come to send my baby to foster care?
That’s fine
Bye bye!

Based on Portugal 1985

They say...
That I am quite mundane
I live a simple life
And in fact, they’re quite right

They say…
(Where does she live? Where does she live?)
I’m the office bore
(Never on leave, never on leave)
But I crave no more
I’m happier at my desk

Where I’ve got paperwork
And filing cabinets
All neatly organized
I live
For our new fax machine
These lovely paper clips
And A4 envelopes

The stapler gives me life

Monday…
(Pencils, we need pencils, we need…)
Is my favourite day
(Pencils, we need pencils, we need…)
Hate to be away
From the shredder, my friend

They say
(Pens aren’t cheap, pens aren’t cheap…)
My job’s out of date
(Pens aren’t cheap, pens aren’t cheap…)
This place will shut down
And we have to clear our desks

Don’t take my stamps away!
My darling rolodex
And pencil sharpener
No way
They’ll get my staple pins
Hole puncher, stay with me!
My precious sellotape

No, I can’t go, I must...

Stay
I’ll occupy this room
And build a cardboard fort
Where I can wait this out
I’ll fight
Hit them with paperweights
Throw white-out in their face
I’ll live on cellophane

(Just keep this ancient crap)
Oh yay!

(Pens aren’t cheap...)

Based on Sweden 2008

I was supposed to be winning
I was supposed to be queen
Three hours later, a victim of hatred
I was shamed, I was betrayed!

High scores from Denmark and Malta
Almost nothing from everywhere else
Might now seem distant, but my anger’s persistent
Now I’ll get back at you all

Oh oh
All of you juries who gave me a zero
Run for your lives!
Oh, I’m
Taking you out, ‘cause you injured my ego
Say your goodbyes!
This is a story
Of pain and redemption
As I’ll get my revenge!
Oh oh
Out of the juries who gave me a zero
None…

Will survive...

Found your addresses on Facebook
Now I’m creeping up outside your doors, oh
Children are screaming
Star TV’s live streaming
As This Shocking Scene Unfolds:

Oh oh
All bloody juries who gave me their zero
Burning alive!
Oh oh
I’ll be more lethal than Emperor Nero
Here’s your demise
Torture and poison
Surprising explosions
As my fury descends
Oh oh
I’m gonna kill you more ways than Carola
Join
Her in hell!
(Her in hell)

Oh oh, hold on...
(What the hell?)
Just checking Wiki… oh no!
That year was fucking televote!?

All of the viewers who gave me a zero!
You’re next in line!
Oh oh
Taking your lives might destroy most of Europe
Who cares? Not I!
(This is a story)
(Of lack of compassion)
Go screw yourselves!
Oh oh
Next year, make sure that you give me your twelves, then
You...
Might not die!

Based on Italy 2018

My gun was out of ammo, was cornered in the ghetto

I'd stolen from a gambler, back then I was a klepto

I thought she was a statue, not moving in the alley

As silent as a tortoise, it looked like rigor mortis

She stepped out from the doorway, and told us she was sorry

I couldn't complain as she'd caught me in flagrante

She took us to her boss who, said that I was a goner

He made me really suffer, with two months in the slammer

And when you hear my story, it may sound quite familiar

She caught me near the dock and she arrested me for murder

Despite my protestations, she used me as a pillow

Until the backup team came, and took me to the station

I'd been arrested quickly, felt I was treated badly

Not listened to my alibi, or my side of the story

I felt the evidence was just purely based on hearsay

Promise that I am not guilty

Captured by the narcoleptic

Chief investigator’s mean tricks

She was in her nightdress and her panties

But she still made the arrest

She had sleepwalked up so gently

I had only stolen twenty

bottles of olive oil and about seventeen dollars thirty

When finally my chance came, with the investigator

I was a little scared, by all that she then told me

She found out that I was the murderer's next target

I was in fact the victim, she took me in to save me

Fessing up the money, and about the bottles

I tried to make the case to her my kids were hungry

Though seeming sympathetic, she said she must insist

That I would serve a little time in prison

Captured for my own protection

My thoughts start to change direction

Took away my freedom with good reason

While she caught the perpetrator

After she had an espresso

She assembled all her colleagues

And told them to deploy for what was a major operation

At the time I was set free, from my stint in the slammer

As I walked out of prison, I crossed paths with the gambler

It seems that in addition to bets in the casino

He'd murdered seven people, at least as far as the police know

Captured by her skilled sleep-judo

The whole time she kept her eyes closed

Lives saved by the narcoleptic

chief investigator's actions

We owe to her our lives, we'll remain forever indebted

What can I do to repay

Without her we'd not be here

I could buy her a new duvet

Invest in comfy pyjamas

Lighten up her caseload, by snitching on my partner, we'll turn a new life over

Or buy her a cappuccino

Based on Belgium 1991

Didn’t I tell you I’m not taking part this time?
It’s your first hosting, I know, but guys:
Give it up!
Merethe cries:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa, hooo!

You two are real persuasive, hey, isn’t that the way?
Love you both so, but hear me say:

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Andy
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Alex

I’ve given more than anyone could ever hope
Sat here on RhymeZone all day long
If you think I’m submitting something just so I can vote
Sorry, but nope, you're thinking wrong

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, guys, now
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, guys, now

Read your site so closely
Your reminder posts and WhatsApp threats
Can’t you see it throws me?
With the deadline looming, feeling vexed

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, host crew
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, you two

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Andy
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Alex

(Give it up, give it up)
I can hear you cursing
(Give it up, guys, now)
Saying that I’m shirking
Give it up
Give it up
Give it up, guys, now

Aaaaargh… I give up!

Based on Iceland 2009

You never cook me dinner
You never bring me flowers
You’ve just shagged me once
And if you’re being boring
And you’re being boring
When you use a pump

I’ve seen it once, when you were out, I’ve seen who you are shagging

A sex doll
Blow up sex doll
Used, abused all the time
A sex doll
Full of hot air, it deserves a clean, yes, sometimes…

It’s got a new hole in it
I don’t know how it got there
Now it’s true to life
Don’t know what it looks like
Yes it really looks like,
K, I used a knife

Now your sex doll is torn in half, now you might have to shag me…

A role play
I’m a hooker
You can use more than once
The sex doll
Was wrong for you, play with me I’m free, your cum dump

Des-ti-tute
I’m des-ti-tute
You threw both of us out
A new you
Will it last or are just all the new models out?
A sex doll
A new sex doll
We see the box by your door
A sex doll
It’s your new toy, it will be with us before long….
Your sex dolls

Based on Army of Lovers – Rockin' the Ride (MF 2013)

It's time for ALC

It's time for ALC

Composer, rédiger, corriger
Paniquer, envoyer
Et voilà, there's your song
Have no clue? Diggiloo, Wiki too
Pekaru, oink and moo
Et voilà, there's your song

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're writin', re-writin', submittin' and cryin'
And readin' and singin' and laughin' and smilin'
And tearin' our hair out just tryin' to vote
(Rockin' the rhymes)

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
It's time for the lyrics, the drama, the chaos
The giggles, the fart jokes
It's time for ALC

Destination for our lyric bus:
Bomb site in Belarus
Don't worry, wildlife seems okay
(Bruno bear)

Six songs written 'bout an octopus
Just one about a moose :-(
Mais, voilà, here's the songs

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
There's dead ESC hosts and grans who won't be ghosts
And there, in the corner, Corinna May goes blind

Pop stars kick the bucket left and right
Worse still: a whiny child
But there's Corona here for you
(Drama gays)

No escaping now you're on the ride
'Cause now you're in for life
Et voilà, here's the songs

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
New management has taken over—so, hi!

This was born fourteen bloody years ago
In Belgium-Birkenhead
ALC is still here
And we rule the world

Woah, rockin' the rhymes
Rockin' the rhymes

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
Steer clear of the flautists, the milkmaids and cowgirls
(Rockin' the rhymes)
There's monsters, for sure, but have you seen the Greeks?

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
(Everybody's gonna vote tonight, we're gonna judge tonight)
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
(You'd better count your syllables)
Estonian Cowgirl or winner? Well, you choose!
(Welcome to the fifteenth ALC! Let all the songs begin!)
(See what's insi-i-i-de)
It's time for the madness, we're
Rockin' the rhymes!

Based on Sweden 2009

(Nous sommes les Sverigedemokraterna
Nous gagnons les élections suédoises
Tôt ou tard)

Can't deal with your husband?
Can't deal with your parents?
Children down with flu?

Chaos in the office?
New demanding bosses?
Did you step on poo?

Oh... We know what we should do

Get rid of all the fucking immigrants (The immigrants)
There will be no guilty or innocents
Back into the sea
Or through land shall they flee
Get rid of all the fucking immigrants

Homehunt is frustrating
Healthcare requires waiting
There was too much snow

Sinking education?
Market in depression?
Modesty's your foe

Oh... Our Viking horns we blow!

Get rid of all the fucking immigrants (The immigrants)
And we should start with all the darker ones
Civil war and shit
We take no refugees
This is our policy

To kill...

Ahmad! And José!
Taha, Valeryi, Umut and René!

This ingenious plan
Will save our precious land
Let's start with all the fucking immigrants
Then Jews and fags
Then your dads!