Save San Marino!

(Author’s note: due to a total lack of response to their international campaign trying to get someone, ANYONE, to embarrass themselves represent the country in the Eurovision Song Contest next year, SMtv San Marino has commissioned a special ALC reprise to highlight their terrible plight.)

This is more than we can bear and nobody seems to care
No-one sent an answer to our ad
If you all leave us bereft, we’ll have only one choice left
You’ll agree that would be bad.

Save San Marino from Valenti-NO!
Please help us out, our reputation’s up the spout
Don’t make us ring her, we need a singer
Why must we be the country that you laugh about?

Irene Sheer or Ebonique?
Carol Rich or Cocktail Chic?
Bebi Dol or Paradise Oskar?
And as you can surely guess, not a single one said “Yes”
We’ve been searching near and far

We tried Peppino and Sandra Simo
Youddiph prefers to stay at home and wash her hair
Called Zymboulakis, Takis Biniaris
Alsou said she would rather give birth to a chair

Not one amico for San Marino
We’ve tried the A-list, B-list, all the way to Z[ed]
Spent hours sieving through artists living
(And yes, we even asked some who are sadly dead)

Save San Marino! There’s still no fee though
Can’t pay you Euros, bahts, manats, riels, drams, or dongs
But we’ve got vino and cappuccino
Sing for us next year – what could possibly go wrong?
(Just promise: never sing the Social Network Song)