Based on France 1992
Kali — Monté la riviè

Convectional rainfall
(Joy!)

Occurs when moist earth absorbs heat
Evaporates up
And cools as it expands
Condenses as raindrops
In mid altitude

Can come down each day in Tonga,
Grand Cayman, Luzon
And other warm seas and
Continents
Heat is a must
As I'll demonstrate next

But your European latitude
Is too temperate
You can never have
Convectional rainfall

You may be upset you won't see
Such phenomena
But soon, do not despair
Convectional rainfall
Could be made at home

To start, just let cool air go in
The freezer may open
Or air conditioner
Keep a heated up bath
And drench some rags wet

Your toaster can thermal-radiate
If set to setting eight
To help evaporate
And leave it to fume
Then observe the clouds build, please
Don't tell that it failed
Wait, wait wait -
It rains in your living room!

🌧️ 🌧️ 🌧️

Convectional rainfall

⛈️ ⛈️ ⛈️

Is formed with a roaring thunder
Electric hazard, high intensity, yeah

Convectional rainfall

If you like to watch, a jacket
And an umbrella's a necessity, yeah

Convectional rainfall

Has made your house wet and messy
Gushed through to the flats
Downstairs, they will complain
Irreparably washed your carpet
And decimated your lacquered settee, yeah
I hope you have comprehensive insurance for that
Or else, at least you've had
Convectional rainfall

Based on Hungary 2013
ByeAlex — Kedvesem (Zoohacker Remix)

I was younger then
The awkward lanky kid
Neurotic clean-obsessive
No friends and long-term unemployed
My youth was scrubbed away by my handwashing
Compulsive handwashing

When we met last time
I drove into a ditch
Got pulled out of the wreckage
Lying with broken ankle
Someone came to me, my expert clinician
A cute Hungarian

… named Agnes

Step-by-step she became my friend
She became my friend and
Day-by-day I got well again
I got well again
She taught me not to fear all that life can bring
All that life can bring and
Use my hands to do dirty things
To do dirty things

… we found love
❤️❤️

Now it’s Agnes, me and one five-year-old kid
Relaxing at the beach
We build sandcastles, eat a picnic
I high-five with no more thoughts of handwashing
Too busy go-karting

At the swimming pool I dive straight in there
Fearless at the soft play centre
Moulding snowballs
Dodging paintballs
Baking using fingers without cleansing them

… and then the virus came

Now they say: HANDS, FACE, SPACE
You must wash your hands
Always wash your hands
Use alcohol against contagion
Against contagion
We take life in our hands when we touch someone
When we touch someone
My only thought, to get clean again
To get clean again

“Where’s my gel?”

Stepping back to my anxious place
To my anxious place, I’m
Feeling like all my work’s undone
Yet there’s worse to come

They say Covid-19 was an airborne thing
Was an airborne thing and
Hand hygiene was a waste of time
Was a waste of time

Fuck my life

Based on Netherlands 1990
Maywood — Ik wil alles met je delen

I was not the only one
To hurry to the mall
When it comes to global pandemics
There is no protocol

I mentally prepared myself
For what’s ‘bout to come
It is everyone for themselves
Once the game is on

I want ev’ry piece of paper
All of it shall be mine
That way I’ll be able to pee
Until the end of time

Food is deemed important
Water even more
Yet they can’t win against
Toilet paper rolls

The queue must have come straight from hell
It’s hard to path a way
When the whole world
Seems determined to
Fill a million crates

Corridor with number three
Where I need to be
But an empty wall is all I see
Nothing left for me

They took ev’ry piece of paper!
How selfish can you be
Though it’s hard to really fathom
I’m switching to Plan B

There’s no need to panic
I’ve been there before
So I made a call that
Put me in control

All of my friends like
To make fun of me
But at least, I can wee
That is guaranteed

What if you’re in isolation
And all out of TP

I have the solution
In hours they defrost
Keep them in the freezer
Ice-cold toilet rolls

Based on Croatia 1994
Tony Cetinski — Nek' ti bude ljubav sva

---

Just today I’ve voted seven times
Three on random songs, the rest in PerBjo’s annual poll
Office day, on the old work PC
I got to rank them all and move them round, ooh, so much fun!

Now on the tram home, any brand new polls? No…
Then I see what I’ve done. Whoa!
It seems I skipped Round 3, and the deadline’s looming
But I’m on my smartphone! Help!

How to use ESC-SVA? (SVA)
It isn’t working on my phone
And desktop mode (desktop mode) doesn’t seem to help at all. Aargh!
So I can’t vote in Great ESC? Nooo!
But I’ll miss Round 3! Ohhh :(

Scrabbles to find a solution, checks the MB for advice

Copy-paste?! (copy-paste) I don’t have time to waste! (time to waste)
Worse than waiting for STIMULATOR!!?!? every year

Please enhance ESC-SVA! (SVA)
Get it to work on mobile phones
And may I ask (may I ask), given what needs voting on:

Why there’s no ALC-SVA?! (SVA)
It would make voting easier – far!
’Cept for skipping seven, five and three, so…
Melfest voting, see?

Boo!

---

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Based on Austria 2021
Vincent Bueno — Amen

My looks are blessed
They are better than the average guy
But I detest
When I’m there, each girl passes by

No it couldn’t be my personality
Maybe women have no taste

But gay men, gay men
I can always catch them staring
At my regal bearing
Gay men, gay men
At the pool they’re always leering
Shirt’s off, and they’re cheering
Gay men

Now you should know that I’m not gay, but I could learn
Now I bet, it’s the truth
I’ll sell myself, think of the cash I’ll earn!

Gonna set up my webcam, take off my clothes
Gonna give them all a show

So gay men, gay men
Wanna see a straight guy jerking?
Watch it while you’re working
Gay men, gay men
I’ll do anything you want me
Just give me your money

As the cash rolls in I’ll even take requests
Not that
Not that
That I could do
Making my channel a success

Now gay men, gay men
Here’s a special one just for you
See a straight guy can suck cock too!
Gay men, gay men, yeah
Watch me lose my inhibitions
Getting fucked in wild positions
Gay men

Based on Greece 2005
Elena Paparizou — My Number One

Based on Ireland 2000
Eamonn Toal — Millennium of Love

I recall how we all were full of love and hope
Anticipating a bright future
"No more wars, no more oppression, end the bigotry"
"Welcome 2000s!"

Turned on my TV on a lovely night in May
A nice man was singing words of comfort
Kind blue eyes, gentle smile, the man made me believe
Oh what a stupid twat I was

Eamonn Toal is just a lying piece of shit
Carbon footprints are all we leave for the children
How did 9/11 fit his bullshit prophecy?
Eamonn has some explaining to do

Now, I'm aware that it's not
Really Eamonn's fault at all
That the World is full of anger
Still why could he not just have shut his mouth
Sparing us for fake promises

Eamonn Toal is just a lying pompous fraud
No more Rhinos will be left for all the children
Civil wars, recession, keyboard wars on Twitter, too
(Oh good grief, soy-fed beef)
Can't believe I believed in him

(Celebrate the sad Millennium of Lies)
COVID-19 is all we leave for the children
I'll start a petition, wipe that smug smile off his face
Mister Toal, you owe us an answer
Mister Toal, you should apologize

Based on Israel 1993
Lahakat Shiru — Shiru

The TV is on but there's nothing to see
Cause soccer, nej futból, is hogging the scene
It's on in the background alone, while I'm playing games on my phone
When I look up at the screen, I feel I'm in a dream

Giroud, Giroud, with your careless hair
Is it Pantène? L'Oréal? Do share!
Giroud, Giroud, take me far away
I know games I would rather play

Giroud, Giroud, with your careless hair
What's your secret? No conditionèr?
Giroud, Giroud, got an OnlyFans?
I'll subscribe if I get the chance

This game's never been all that fascinating
Oh but nevermind futból, see only one thing
It's 6 ft 3 testosterone. Be quiet, my heated hormones!
My impatience, how it hurts. So please take off that shirt!

Giroud, Giroud, with your careless hair
In dry shampoo? Chérie, whatevèr.
Giroud, Giroud, Men's Health Magazine
On the cover? I'll buy fifteen!

Giroud, Giroud, with your careless hair
Perfect beard too, and an endless stare
Giroud, Giroud, with your manes so proud
Even on mute you're super loud

Regarde son visage, comme il est merveilleux
Non je n'ai rien à foutre, c'est presque un dieu
Pardonnez-moi, Google Translate, this French Fever's not over yet
(D’ailleurs entre parenthèses, je voudrais qu'il me baise!)

Giroud, Giroud, with your careless hair
Carved of marble, muscled derrière
Giroud, Giroud, take your weapon and
Play it like you're at Arsenal
Arsenal!

Giroud, Giroud, with your careless hair
You're a Libra? Great with Leo, yeah!
Giroud, Giroud, I just met you but
Gotta ask you, oh please say YES!
Giroud, Giroud
Marry me!

Based on Netherlands 1975
Teach-In — Ding-a-dong

When they're squealing all night, everything is not right
That's the time of year when men play with their balls
There can be some big ones, then there are some small ones
And, if he prefers, there are odd-shaped ones

Stare at balls every evening, nothing intervening
Even when it ends in a nil-nil dud
Bouncy balls when it's tennis, still it makes me grimace
Leaving me alone, he gets drunk, drunk, drunk
Win, lose or draw

When he's watching rugger, I should scream "Oh bugger!"
Every sporting contest sure drags on and on
And it makes me grumpy, lacking rumpy-pumpy
So I'll sing a song 'bout his Big Bad Dong

Schwing his dong is my leisure, riding it a pleasure
Mainly in off-season we bonk, bonk, bonk
Bat and ball often tempt him, baseball maybe cricket
Soon it gets me starting to long, long, long
For Big Bad Dong

{Getty shares some dick pics}
(Big Bad Dong)
(Bigger Bad Dong??)

When you see his erection, it will astound
May cause fears if you're young or a virgin
Now I smile while I lay back to...
(Think dong! Think dong!)

Big Bad Dong brings me joy, top to bottom
Even one or two men know too-ooo-oooo

Wow it leaves me quaking, somewhat slightly aching
As he slips and slides through my deep lady cave
There can be no joking for there's risk of choking
When he probes a gob with his Big Bad Dong

Sure, his dong can be chafing when he goes a-raping
Where before he never has gone gone gone
Night or day hanky-panky, never you'll be cranky
Ecstasy is certain with Big Bad Dong

Very soon I'll go munchin' on his chunky truncheon
Footy's over! It's time for dong, dong dong

{Getty mislays Mike, her lover}

Where's he gone? What’s he watching? God, no it's Olympics
Meaning just one thing to be done, done, done
Think Big Bad Dong!

Based on Albania 2018
Eugent Bushpepa — Mall

One pretty charming hombre's tapped
Enticing looks, muscled, can travel tonight, huge dick
That's a great sign

His profile, hottest that I could see
Won't push off the bed for eating crisps on my sheets
Reasonably, that's not a risk I'd foresee
Must yell what happened then:

What have I done, I've let in a fraud
Opens a bag in front of my eyes
Lay's Super Chips, and begins to dine

I'm more than annoyed
My sheets are destroyed
Solution is one I cannot avoid
No other choice but to push him off

Do you recall I went once
For swim and tan
Home later noticed my toes had dragged the shore
The bed's full of sand

Tormented much more by crumbs while he's falling
Those are the source of nightmares and ants in beeeeeeuuugh
Semen on sheets, hand-washing cleans it with ease
Sweat can be just Febrezed
But my old washing machine
WON'T REMOVE TRANS-FAT TINT

Two metre fall
My bed is quite tall
Smash-landed on my pet porcupine
There was no chance
To survive that plunge

He's down on the floor
Unconscious and cold
But who will help now
And change bed clothes?
Doing those chores drives me up the wall

(wall)
(fall)
Bed's all soiled
(soiled)
Yeah...