Based on Spain 2023
Blanca Paloma — Eaea

You must…
You'll accept him…

No way!

I wanna register my boy
Why?
My wonder mannered brainy boy
'Cause mum knows best, right?
Received top scores at his preschool
Perfect fit for your escuela

Our education catchment area
A sternly laid out catchment area
You live outside the catchment area
Your iron-fisted plea won't influence us!

We live close to your frontera
The mansions of Bonavista
But thoughtless Elche officials
Said go to a state escuela
With cokeheads of Poble Vell
Worst in Elche, below subpar

Sod it!

I drive a neat Kia Niro
Brag weirdo, we all drive Renault Clios
Can bring him into school all days
On my way to the beautician
Plus also back

But education catchment area
One cannot change a catchment area
So says Valencian Generalitat
(see? see? see? see?)
It really doesn't hinge on transportation

My critical last attempt at
Upending your disapproval
This generous cheque as handout
Renew your ramshackle playground
Or use it to treat yourselves

Now you have our attention señora

I've friends at the local health club
The best tennis institution
They'll sort you discounted entrance
Come to think of, we could use one

This education catchment area Can be amended, we see eye to eye

This education catchment area Can be amended, we see eye to eye

We'll disregard this weird law as an error
(cheat! cheat! cheat! cheat!)

Our new extended catchment area In this exceptional rare circumstance We'll see him 1st September at eight sharp

Yaaaaay! Yaaaayaaaaaaayaaaaaaaaay!!! Yay!

Based on Czechia 2022
We Are Domi — Lights Off

A fire, a famine, an earthquake
There’s only so much we can take
Seas are rising thanks to man
But we can save Earth! Here’s the plan:

Biology provides solutions
To end all misery, wipe out pollution
A pigment change for our bovine friends
And a Savior is born

Little red cow on a green field
A heifer to bring the true apocalypse
Look at you now
The cat’s meow
We all say, “Wow!
Little red cow!”

Not all is peaceful with this beast
The cow comes from the Middle East
“The temple shall be rebuilt,” some share
But there’s a mosque already there

Possess the spot and God favors you
For you show more belief than your neighbors do
We’ll show God’s love, we’ll show God’s peace
When we kill the heathens

Little red cow grazes calmly
While Earth descends into the Last World War
Kick up a row
Jab and a pow
Victims say, “Ow!”
Little red cow

Then the heifer speaks (I know not how):
“We’re all the same, so stop your fighting now!”
Little red cow

Little red cow, God’s messenger
Will bring everlasting brotherhood and peace
Don’t ask me how
All’s better now
Just take a bow
Little red cow

Based on Israel 1981
Hakol Over Habibi — Halayla

♫ ♫

[Tonight's guest enters the studio, receives a warm welcome - looks like she's had a few before coming]

♫ ♫

♫ ♫

Coloured pods right ahead
Like candies overspread
I do hope one of them is a redhead
They attract me, tall and freckly
All the way down

This woman talks too much
I have an urge to nudge
Heartburn still on, bloody pickles at lunch
Come on begin, let them be seen
La la la la

♪ Ahahaha haha ♪

I shall have a large sherry then
They're at last revealing
Nice shadowy good shapes there
What a lovely feeling

Call it a dream, God now I'll scream
La la la la
They are all standing like

Ma chérie come, look what I got
It's here, waiting for you
Why shy away, it's alright
We can have some chat too

That one's all pink, where is my drink
La la la la

♪ Lalala lala ♪
♪ Lalala lala ♪

Look careful, they might fool
Malfunction could be cruel
And keep in mind, some can be shocking growers

Not sure now (Hurry woman)
Can't decide (It's cold in here)
May I see their backside
What a pity
We should try, before we buy
It's like that everywhere, yeah

♫ ♫

♫ ♫

Come take a look, come take a look
I should go a bit nearer
Can do a lot, give it a shot
Second looks familiar

Which one to pick, pretty or big
Don't you have more
Would be nice another four

Don't shy away, don't shy away
Inspect closer this time
Don't hesitate, won't regret
You will want for lifetime
Not convincing, something's missing
I don't know why

First they caught my eye
I'm not gonna lie
Maybe when I'm high

Cannot feel the vibe
One last look to five
Nope, I'm going bye

 

 

Author's Note:
Needless to say, this is just a parody and was created for entertainment purpose only, with the use of some visuals from 42 years ago.
No offense or disrespect is intended toward the artist and the whole script should be considered as a joke, in case this reaches anyone not familiar with ALC.

Based on Netherlands 1972
Sandra & Andres — Als het om de liefde gaat

Nanananananana
I'm in the mood, I have an appetite tonight, aha
Nanananananana
Show me the goods, make sure you have them on display
Hey, can you help me finish and show your gratitude?
That is way more fun than simply look!
Nanananananana
Let's get it on, turn up the heat and let off steam

I need a large zucchini, a courgette is what it takes
Preferably a little fat
It has to be six inches, maximum of eight
A good length I need to stuff with that

An eggplant, if you please, to serve the chef his needs
Big sizes make him very glad

Nanananananana
I'll let you choose, shall I invite more people here, mmm
Nanananananana
Who could refuse, free protein along with beer
Oh oh oh, should I get some acorns, or do you need mushrooms?
Where is all the meat this afternoon?
Nanananananana
Let's call our friends, all those in want of vitamins

Give me a big carrot, it can never be too hard
Chef knows what to do with that
Be gentle, take your time and eventually it's soft
As a rule it's flaccid very fast

Abundant olive oil would surely do the trick
I think they make a real good match!

Nanananananana
I like it smooth, cream goes on top, let's consummate!
Nanananananana
Nanananananana
Nanananananana
Nanananananana

Based on Sweden 2009
Malena Ernman — La voix

ah ah ah...
ah ah ah...
ah ah ah...

Every night I play it!
Every night I play it!
Taking over my life.
Why are you so addictive?
Why are you so addictive?
Always in my life
ohohoho...
My name is Yami and

Je t'aime, amour, quand
j'entends la nombre
Je t'aime, ma vie,c'est jamais sans toi
Je vis ma vie pour toi,
c'est l'universe pour moi
Je t'aime, amour, quand
j'entends la nombre

You got me hypnotized
You got me hypnotized
I just wanna win
Why you’re so amazing
Why you’re so amazing
2048
ohohoho...
Stay and keep me safe

Je t'aime, amour, quand
j'entends la nombre
Je t'aime, ma vie, c'est jamais sans toi
Je vis ma vie pour toi,
c'est l'universe pour moi
Je t'aime, amour, quand

j'entends...

ah... la nombre
ah ah ah...

Je vis ma vie pour toi,
c'est l'universe pour moi
Je t'aime, amour, quand
j'entends la nombre

J'entends la nombre

La nombre...

Based on Greece 2002
Michalis Rakintzis — S.A.G.A.P.O.

Hey (Hey, hey, hey, hey)
In the desert of Oman (Oman? oh man)
There was a wildlife sanctuary (For, O, R, Y, X)
That got ruined (Found oil, in soil, land spoiled, plans foiled)

Then (T, H, E, N)
Located in Saxony (E, L, B, E)
A beautiful river valley (F, L, U, S, S)
With a new bridge (An eyesore, no décor, this lakeshore, is done for)

We (oui, we) are inspectors from,
UNESCO, U.N.E.S.C.O
Stay (stay, stay), within guidelines and,
You'll remain on our list and not go,

We (oui, we) can't stand working for,
UNESCO, U.N.E.S.C.O
So (oh no), if you mess around,
Your site's gone from our portfolio!

Down (L, I, V, E)
By the Mersey waterfront (R, P, O, O)
An impressively sized dock (Yes, I said a dock)
There no longer! (Boutiques have got stronger, Antiques gone, caused a stir)

Those (Them over there)
Big ugly glass tower blocks (This time said blocks)
And that dreadful stadium (New ground? Club's gone down)
City's ruined! (Old site his-torical, looks dia-bolical)

They (yes, they) are inspectors from,
UNESCO, U.N.E.S.C.O
Stay (stay, stay), within guidelines and,
You'll remain on their list and not go

Who (the hell) told inspectors from
UNESCO, U.N.E.S.C.O
They (yes, they), have the right to choose
If a place is renowned or so-so?

Twats

Based on France 1976
Catherine Ferry — Un, deux, trois (live version)

The 🚫 word
Well last night on the plane
I managed to interview a very well known man... [ here’s the transcript:]

“Hello Sir”
“oh please go fuck yourself”
“Nice to see you as well, let’s start this:

Why do you spew so much hate?
Are you a racist? Something else?”
“no no you are wrong, I love the world
f*****s, n*****s, d***s and the k***s too”

“Sir you cannot use those words!
They’re offensive to us all!”
“just to make it clear
I’ll have you know
that I love the retarded too!”

(Interlude/Snack break)
( What a shitshow...♫♫
♫♫... I miss my nukes where am I fake news pussy shithole )

“Okay then ( you’re a dick )
You’ve been indicted twice... ( THAT’S A LIE! )
What if you lose again
EXCUSE ME? I NEVER LOST! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!

“Just for that ( oh my god)
I’ll raid all the gay bars ( what the fuck?!?)
migrant shelters
and then, you ready?

I’ll line you up against my Wall
wetbacks and the ay-rabs too
next will go the snowflakes
with Mike Pence
followed by Joe Biden
and the press”

“Jesus on the fucking cross
Are you gonna shoot us all??”
“sure why not hey could you get me a coke?
and I want 6 burgers as well”​

♫♫
(I think I have all I need
sure you do you fucking cunt) ♫♫

“Thank you for your time”
“get off my plane”
“This will be out tomorrow”
“go to hell”

That was quite an exposé
And a cautionary tale
You are what you say
Don’t you forget
I will never ever ever ever
Ever ever ever
Say the Trump word

Based on Portugal 2018
Claudia Pascoal — O jardim

Eww look at the quiche.
Is that oregano, sea salt or pin mould?
It smells fine, we’ll add salad leaves.

Here is your cortado made with non-dairy milk.

See the floor. There’s spilt milk. Look out!
I gotta get downstairs, find a mop and go clean.
See the floor. There’s spilt milk. Look out!
I gotta get downstairs, find a mop and go clean.

Oi , Miss Pregnant Teen.
You’ll be a mother before the summer’s through.
Sit yourself down here, time to breathe.
Let me bring a menu.
See what may catch your eye.
Sandwich IV is the melt? That’s out.
I gotta check downstairs, for some more tuna tins.

Sir, the floor! Yes, it’s milk. Look out!
I gotta get downstairs, find a mop and go clean.

I gotta check downstairs, for some more tuna tins.

I gotta get downstairs, find a mop and go clean.

I gotta go downstairzzzZZZ.

I gotta get downstairs,
Find my place to just -

Sleep.

Based on Israel 2023
Noa Kirel — Unicorn

Ohm, this is not the time for talking
Ohm, you can sit here but don’t ask me Q’s
No, not cos Loreen just said so
I’m not gonna do it, won’t do it

Ohm, I don’t wanna brush your garden gnome
To redecorate or paint your home
I’m not gonna file your nails, no
I’m not gonna do it

I’m in a meditative state right now
I can’t do your chores
I’m in a meditative state right now
Just leave me alone
I’m just breathing in and breathing out
I’m busy, man, if there was any doubt
A meditative state right now
A meditative state right now

When you ask me shit to do
And then call me lazy
I have now found the best excuse
Some Eastern voodoo
You can’t call me lazy now!

I’m going to meditate, meditate, meditate now
Meditate, meditate now
Meditate, meditate, meditate now

I’m in a meditative state right now
Can’t look for your phone
I’m in a meditative state right now
Water your own fern
Won’t make you a snack, or go to town
Refill your cup, or help turn up the sound
A meditative state right now
A meditative state right now

I’m going to meditate, meditate, meditate now
Meditate, meditate now
Contemplate, reflect, breathing in and out
I’m going to meditate, meditate, meditate now
Meditate, meditate now
Chores? No, I’m not keen​
A profound calmness

Won’t help you refinance
I won’t teach you tapdance
I’m in an abstract trance!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Breathe in!

(...)

(Not going to... Yay!)
(Not going to... Yay!)

No to chores!
Mop no floors!
Close the stores!
Messy drawers!

Just breathe in and out...

Based on Italy 1963
Emilio Pericoli — Uno per tutte (live version)

They have now released her name, the youngest victim: Claudia
Her death has since been linked to, the butchering of Nadia
Yet the inquiry at large, has turned up so far, empty
That's why their parents came to the makers of our True Crime

They sent their crew down to the rocked community
A town where everybody, all knows everyone
How they lit up the room, they all did say
Hoping the killer would leave and not strike again

But he did not change his ways, the next whom he preyed, Laura
And sadly that was not all, he murdered a fourth: Giulia
All our investigators, who do this old thing, daily
Were blocked in every one of their attempts, to bring this bad guy to heel

But once the viewers deploy their amateur joy... sleuthing
For the baddie who did indeed do the deed, there will be nowhere to hide

So let me save all your time

The evil killer.....

Is me