Based on Ireland 1994
Paul Harrington and Charlie McGettigan — Rock 'n' Roll Kids

Based on Portugal 1987
Nevada — Neste barco à vela

Listen to me, meu amigo
there’s something you don’t know
I am gonna teach you the trick to
writing a really fine song

Not a lame song like Rybak’s
a song with coração
a song so good that it has the
flavor of Portugal

Start by writing nice lyrics
so deep and poetic
that nobody gets them
lyrics about saudade
about Portugueseness
about amizade
There must also be a rio
that dies in the sea
but then flows upstream
politics are never a problem
if you disguise them
with seventies clothing

You must have a good team to
help you with the task,
a charismatic performer
that can help to lift the song

Of course, for the music
you may also need some help
If you don’t have inspiration
just go and call Andrej Babic

Music should be so heartwarming
That melts your soul,
makes you feel like crying
It may resemble a fado
with a modern touch
unlike Carlos do Carmo
You can also go uptempo,
a little pimba*
is a guilty pleasure
Include a lot of guitars
to get an ethnic sound
in this extravaganza

Recruit Dulce to sing this
as Simone and Manuela
don’t want to do it
If you prefer something sexy
just pick Suzy
she’ll always be ready
Good styling is key so ask
Adelaide for
outfit advices
If you follow my tips
you’ll surely get true
Portuguese masterpieces

* Pimba is a type of “Portuguese schlager”. Some examples of pimba include “Quero ser tua” or “Dança comigo”

Based on Estonia 2012
Ott Lepland — Kuula

Kula, a small touristy town
Kula, in southwest Turkey
Kula, district of Manisa
Kula...

What a pleasant invitation
Hotel opening on last May
Kuula, they asked me to sing it there
Cool ha?

Kula, had a bad surprise for me
Kuula, was rewritten in Turkish
As Kula, describing the region

There was no way I could sing all that
Not on such a short notice at least
Would be ridic even if I did
So I suggested vocalists sing the entire song
Just Kula, I had to mime the rest

Kula, did not sound at all bad
Kula, Italians had a few laughs
In Kula, some odd stares at me

So, Kula was weird...

Based on Spain 1973
Mocedades — Eres tú

You once were so noble, EBU, EBU
You're founded on peace, love, understanding
And no politica, EBU, EBU
World peace, world peace, EBU
United by music, EBU, EBU	EBU
Although there was always the odd rumble
But now like a stormvind, EBU, EBU
Fuck you, fuck you, EBU	EBU

EBU
Stuck in Euro-tunnel-vision
Reference group
Censorship through loud fake applause

What's the tea, EBU?	EBU
Oh, transparency's not your point of fuerza	Stuck in Euro-tunnel-vision
You're two-faced, EBU, iiiee-uw	Reference group
Hey Martin, you deserved all those boo's.	Censorship through loud fake applause
Wait, who is your sponsor, EBU, EBU?	EBU
Your stance isn't neutral, hear the bell: shame!
The spotlight's on you now, EBU, EBU
Fuck you, fuck you, EBU	EBU

EBU
Bunch of despots, cowards, nitwits
Reference group
Designers of their own demise

So what now, EBU?	EBU
We return to the land where it once began	Bunch of despots, cowards, nitwits
Will it end, EBU? *desperate cry*	Reference group
Your fate is in your hands, EBU	Designers of their own demise
By the way, EBU	EBU
It's the artists and fans that are the Contest	Bunch of despots, cowards, nitwits

Reference group
Designers of their own demise

Based on Ukraine 2008
Ani Lorak — Shady Lady

Sitting here at my desk
It’s ten thirty - and yet
I feel a throb down below

[The other office inhabitants]
Oh no

Ugly boss knocks on door
“Photocopies for four?”
But I give zero shits, yo

They shake heads disapprovingly

Gotta answer the phones
But I’m not in that zone
Feel my hand’s gonna wander

Shake heads

Put hand under my skirt
Couple minutes won’t hurt
So there’s no need to ponder

Tinder! Short shorts! I wanna see some big thighs
Biceps! Deltoids! Big boxing hunks with blue eyes
Insta thirst traps, wanna be covered, nuzzled
My nips are throbbing

Blond hair! Bulges! Love me some tighty whities
Let’s meet? Big feet? Is it true there’s a ratio
With a big dick, I’ll message those, so let’s go
My clit is throbbing now

Just a little bit wet
Calm the hell down and then
A nice microwaved pasta
Lunch time!

Insta fantasy man
Would cook green eggs and ham
Before licking me out, yeah
Dessert!

Now I’ve eaten my lunch
Ping goes off, have a hunch
Tinder muscles are here, now

Oh my Jesus! Didn’t expect two-hander
Tryna fit in, not really gonna happen
Blow jobs, wank offs
His peen is just too big
Too big, too big for her

[Sexy interlude]

Horny PA

I wanna be filled with my Instagram thrill
I did not enquire re: girth down below
Now I’m gonna be stretched - hands held over head
My Insta Spitfire: experienced, he knows

Done it again!
In front, of us!

[Orgasm pyro]

Oh my God, whew, I needed that to happen
Such a relief: better get back to work now
Photocopies? Four, wipe off juice and kow-tow
Can’t wait to do that
Again

Please not again

Based on Portugal 2022
Maro — saudade, saudade

Three years ago,
weird thoughts got in my head, and
didn’t know how to get rid of them.
They paved their way,
seemed like they’re here to stay, they
made me check if I had locked the door.

Gettin’ harder, gettin’ harder.
People all around me say
Everything will be okay.
Gettin’ harder, gettin’ harder.
Feeling I’m alone in this
Maze that’s spread inside my head.

(Internal dialogue)
-Did you forget to close the window?
-Please I don’t wanna be a weirdo!

I’m drowning inside my subego.
Don’t know how to fight this vertígo.
Seems like I need help.
I did not foresee,
Clear the bushes, heal the tree.

Get the work done, long way to run.
Face the fear that’s in my head,
Searching what has been unread.
How to cope with, making progress.
Have better and harder days.
Find the pathways out the maze.

Nothing more that I can say
Says it in a better way.

Reca -lling now
I see how much I’ve grown
This was my way outside the maze.

Based on Croatia 2022
Mia Dimšić — Guilty Pleasure

Drew within the lines when I was a young kid
In auctions on eBay I’m always outbid

Too risk-averse to cycle, never liked George Michael (I preferred Andrew Ridgeley)
I get palpitations drinking caffeinated tea

By the standards others use to measure
Things that I enjoy are simple pleasures
Maybe I’ll find that people adore me if I stop being so boring

Feel my reservations set me apart
In a world of line graphs I’m a bar chart
It would be rather romantic if someone swept me away

But please not today, I’ve got ironing to do
Must clean the bidet… can this love just wait?

Met him at the till at a furniture store
I gave him wood when he asked to scan my drawers

Six foot two with glasses, hair dark like molasses
Don’t know what he saw in me
Feel appreciated when I’m in his company

This year we’ve done things I’d never dreamed of
We won big at a Vegas casino
Kidnapped a pet snake in the Spring Mountains
Fell in the Bellagio fountain

At the end of it I feel exhausted
Didn’t want to do all that – he forced it
How could I begin to tell him that I’d like us to part ways?

Is it a mistake?
	Why'd you run away?
Is this the way to live life?
Are the things I hate
	What about our snake?
Those that others crave?
	Please don't leave today
Told him I had to slow down
Shared our belongings, half each way
	Moitié, moitié
Feel bad for the snake 'cause we used a sharp knife…

Six months on and I’m no longer tired
Hibernation is what I required
Sometimes I get lonely now I know things are no easier on your own

I’d still like someone to spend my days with
Can’t help feeling that I’m just like a sieve
Trying to catch love but it slips away
So I call him and say, say, say

Can we meet again?
	You mean for a date?
Maybe just for a quick drink,
At mine you could stay
	You're sure that's OK?
But make no mistake
	Can I come today?
It will be different this time
	Wish you had just said to me
In my comfort zone I will stay
	Love you either way
And this time I'll choose the pets
	What do you suggest?
Maybe just mice?
	*sigh*

Based on Slovenia 2002
Sestre — Samo ljubezen

Not many beauties in Tallinn
Like picking scraps out from the bin
From the gay bar
To gaydar.ee

We got good dick pics from some Greeks
Then saw their faces… they’ve got beaks

Cyrano thanks
Won’t give the password to our cheeks

It must be ugly week
In Tallinn’s nightclubs
What happened to all the sexy men?
Was Dave Benton not free
To cum on everybody?
We'd even take Tanel, it’s that bleak

Why not this one? Hey daddy!

Don’t waste your time hun, he likes shit

Some twat asked if we’re “really chicks”
Then sent a picture sucking dick

Asked “u sisters?”
Blocked him instantly

Russians round here look like pugs

Tragic → weird → eww → what the fuck?!

Ugly cocks too
The blond’s hung like a mouse

This Lithuanian
Looks happy naked

Shame his pics have all got that beret
We would’ve had his seed
But he’s just here to buy weed
Told him to piss off and try Sarit

Woahhh!!!
Look who’s fresh on the scene!!!
Manuel Ortega!!! (Hoorayga!!!)

Begs don’t say a word, he’s not out yet
He came here for TV (he’s packing more meat than a wurst factory!)
He’s a big fan of us three
Told him come and get some new CDs

Finally some decent

Based on San Marino 2024
Megara — 11:11

[indistinct telephone call from Gary to Ryan O'Shaughnessy]

Gary's fallen on hard times
Once a true great Irish hope
Now crushed by high-risk loans
Called his nephew and proposed
They should get together and
form a crew

It seems Gary had an idea to propose
Cos bad times call for desperate measures
For him to repay what he owed
To the sharks - and in full
To achieve, he would need eleven

He came up with a plot, forming a posse
To find riches to purloin
They'd break into the home of a rival
While he was performing in Malmö (mö mö)

J-O-H-N-N-Y L-O-G-A-N
He's got two contest winners
and one more as a writer

Each one had their unique role
Financing the outfit: Brooke Scullion
Logistics handled by Red Hurley
Colm CT Wilkinson
He was born to handle comms
Blueprints entrusted to
safe hands of Lesley Roy

And on the cable drop? Course it was Jedward
Going down as the big one
They roped in Linda M, as the muscle
Niamh to get them past the pupil scan

All successful heists (including this one)
Need an inside man
To be more precise Bambie was
their inside they/them

Despite their planning
There was a shock

[dramatic slomo action sequence]

Lesley mixed up the maps - story of her life
Linda Martin got too drunk
And Jedward's hair set off all the lasers
Red - he got the wrong day
Then Bambie changed their tune - and they warned Logan
Niamh had no box to stand on
And Colm began to sing - to enforcement
Brendan forgot the escape balloon

J-O-H-N-N-Y L-O-G-A-N
They're held now by the Garda
But there's always a sequel

Based on Hungary 2018
AWS — Viszlát nyár

So you think you write like Dickens
Just because your lyrics contain
A zillion showy, deep terms

You may speak eloquently – won’t care
Still, we’re sorry to bring you disillusionment
These whole words are a big chicken shit

We just can’t with your pedantry
We’re tired of looking up every weird term
That’s in your texts

It’s just ungood, such impenetrable mess
Plus your longest word is our shortest
Kiss it, then – Magyars win

Straight fact: You’ll never deserve our pity
Tumultuous my ass
Such easy life, you hipster

Stayed in India, didn’t cost peanuts
We’re just eager to see you’re underpaid again
Want you broke, homeless, nearing your death

We just can’t with your vanity
You love to call out your exes on that
You “pious” bitch

We can’t stand your intellectuality
How can you have the nerve, when you don’t
Understand irony?
Don’t you think?

Miss Smug
Miss Dumb
Miss Dull

(We dislike you since ‘96)
(You Oughta Know was all nifty, and then)
(No slaying hits)

(We can’t stand) Eat my wang
(Your indignities) Suck my massive dick
(We doubt your Jekyll and Hydeness is liked)
It makes you stink

(We despise you) Piss off, get fucked
(That’s our unabashed threat – flee) Banged by a steed
(Or your feared adversarial force)
(Might meet you on the street) We’ll beat your head off

Miss Cunt