Mr. Smith Goes to Waterford

Based on Ireland 1972
Sandie Jones — Ceol an ghrá (live version)

*an Englishman walks into a bar*

Think that imperial Britain abused you, no – you’re wrong
Stop saying “mam” - it’s “mum”. Children of Lír’s dumb. Leprechauns!
Where has the Magners gone? You call it Bulmers? What?
Good afternoon. How do you do. Your accent’s raw!

Transubstantiation. Schooled by ghastly nuns. You’re just odd
Good rugby? Seriously? Rejected Kiwis form your squad
From Oughterard to Bray. Place names no-one can say
Rains like monsoon. Inopportune. Made Murphy’s Law

Why can’t you see Europe’s taken your sovereignty
But you could be free if you’d just re-submit to our King
Cork smells of pee. Londonderry
And your uileann pipes cause ear pain

Does PR-STV aid good policy? No – it’s flawed
National income? More like tax haven. Overdrawn!
Football here makes no sense. Fisting in sport is dense
Your native tunes give me the blues. Cease the bodhráns

Sadly my name is not Her Majesty Victoria
What? Reparations? Cruel mass starvation? Not my fault
Let them eat bairín breac. Looks like scones, tastes like crap
You can’t impugn, you silly fools, we won the war

Never cared for the craic. Give us Spike Island back
Hurling is cack. The Union Jack shall fly once more