Barbara Berta Award

Based on Switzerland 1997
Barbara Berta — Dentro di me

All know
I have a talent
Knowing what's inside us
Can see one's concealed undergarments
Tell you who's lacking good judgement
And shame-award them

Start with Carola
Twenty layers laminate
Taped to her middle
Cassock washed with holy water
Protects her devotional honour
Keeps her vajesus safe

I nominate
Mariella Farré's
G-string that's made
Of piano string lace
Ingvar Wixell's
Ab-scent journelle
Worse yet, Piera Martell's
Laced with iron cowbells
She got from Appenzell

[ shaming trumpet ]

Also
Patricia Bredin
Has one-size-fits-all pants
Aska slipped on a mesh made of cable
Meant to resemble switchboard operator girls
But looked like a fishing net

Corinne Hermès
Gift-wrapped pelvis to breast (tasteless!)
Christine Minier
In her Sunday PJs
Patrick Juvet: bridal bouquet
Taped across his derriere
Hopes he'll marry someday

Lotta Engberg
Stuck chewed gum on her waist
She had no say
The sponsor fees placed it there

Corinna May
Had by mistake
Put her facemask down there
Straps felt like underwear
Easy error to make

Not those.
Worst of all factly
Must be yours truly
See, Swissair have lost all my cargo
So I had Alla's wig borrowed
Put it between my legs

[ shamed trumpet ]