Based on Iceland 1999
Selma — All Out of Luck

Don’t twerk on a Segway
Don’t sleep on a runway
Don’t go for a dive with crocodiles
They’ll gobble you down, nom

Don’t choke on a cupcake
Don’t tickle a stingray
And certainly don’t download that file
You’re bound to get phished, or else infected

Look, I know you live for lols and pleasure
And life can seem just like a game
But every single moment’s risky
And that’s why I’m warning you

So! You don’t give a fuck,
Pick a fight with a duck
And then it’ll suffocate you, so feathery
Swim with a shark
And then you will drown
Or wind up no longer intact

Life can suddenly suck
If you act like a schmuck
Take care for the sake of your health
My advice: don’t roll the dice
And just be cautious, lower the stakes
‘Cause the world can be tough
Don’t leave it to luck

Stay safe, stay safe, beware!

Don’t jump off a big hill
Don’t play in a sawmill
I know I’m a buzzkill, but my tale is gory and true
See:

I used to do ballet
On a dangerous freeway
No place for a plié, but for thrills it was way off the chart
Then I

Forgot to look up
Suddenly I was struck
A Juggernaut bowled me over mid-arabesque
Squished like a bug
My tutu was found
Inside my intestinal tract

Motorway ballet class
Ten-ton truck up my arse
Believe me, it still hurts like hell

My advice: always look twice
And don’t perform a pas de bourrée
In the path of a truck

Road covered in guts
Stay safe, stay safe, beware
And bits of my butt
Stay safe, stay safe, beware!

Based on Latvia 2002
Marie N — I Wanna

🎺

I used to act all straight
Then got tired of that game
The truth is now I've found my call
And what I crave

Like in a 90s song
I can’t resist a charming date
‘Cause nothing gives me feels like other
Ladies of the stage

I like to sample all the women
Who graced the Eurovision scene
From east to west and ‘cross the ocean
There’s always time to have a fling

A little bit of Xandee in my life
A little bit of Mando by my side
A little bit of Tina under my sheets
A little bit of Rita in the streets
A little bit of Samra in the sun
A little bit of Maarja all night long
A little bit of Jessika, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your 'man'

Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay...

One, two and three, four, five
Get in my car, come on let’s ride
My backseat has seen every Precious
All turn gay

And after one long weekend
Doing some Netflix and chill with Barei
I move on down - the list of singers
Who’s free today?

A night of lust with Ulla Wiesner
Then morning tantras with Javine
My travel schedule can get busy
But there is just one thing I need:

A little bit of Tamta on replay
A little bit of Sertab everyway
A little bit of Monica makes me clap
A little bit of Anja fills my gap
A little bit of Suzy makes me shake
A little bit Efendi and the snake
A little bit of Lena in my blue pants
A little bit of Lou and her whole band

A little bit of Paola on a slide
A little bit of Krista as my bride
A little bit of Gina locates my G
A little bit Corinna’s all I see
A little bit of Inger in the rain
A little bit of finger in Montaigne
A little bit of Mika across the sand
A little bit of you for Marie N!

Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay...

Based on Germany 1991
Atlantis 2000 — Dieser Traum darf niemals sterben

I was sitting at a gay bar
Ordered strawberries and Champagne
And I felt like Julia Roberts
Though I knew I looked insane

Men were passing by me
Although none who would suffice
None who had the magic
No-one there to break the ice

Then without a warning
To my shock and great delight
Walked a dwarf right through the door
And he was Mr. Right

This cute dwarf is really stubborn
This cute dwarf is really keen
And his penis is enormous
Don't know if I can get it in

This cute dwarf is really stubborn
And he says his name is Dwight
He was so attractive
That I just fell in love and
Forgot about the height

Peeping perverts all around us
Stared and would not look away
So in no time we decided to hop in his Chevrolet

Back in my apartment
He performed so brilliantly
Tricks I'd never dreamt of
Or imagined there could be

He knew how to do me
Never felt this way, the same
Dwarfed all others with his charms
Put taller men to shame

This cute dwarf is really stubborn
This cute dwarf is really keen
And his penis is enormous
The biggest one I've ever seen

This cute dwarf is really stubborn
And I can't put up a fight
He was so attractive
That I just fell in love and
Forgot about the height

Based on Switzerland 1956
Lys Assia — Das alte Karusell

Lys Assia's in Hell
Don't ask why, I can't tell
She runs, with Terry Wogan,
The ESC hotel

The afterlife's protean
Don't know which room you'll be in
Depends on the behaviour
You showed as human beings

After you leave the mortal coil
and face your ordinance
If bad outweighs your most good deeds
You won't go to the clouds

You'll check in there instead
They'll make for you a bed
Your soul will then be dragged in
To your eternal cell

You must Stay Forever
Turndown? No, No Never
And you'll sleep on a pillow of Stones

The service Rock Bottom
Cig stains on the carpet
And the smoke alarm's Gordienko

You will not sleep so well
As outside the fires swell
But even attempting to draw pyro curtains
Surely won't have a pleasant outcome

Be sure that Hotel Hell
Is no good place to dwell
Be good and get to Heaven
To check in with D'Mol

Lys Assia's in Hell
Youuuuuu
Could end up there as well

Based on Finland 1983
Ami Aspelund — Fantasiaa

Words to this song; they don't come easy, no, 'cause Finnish is long
Words to this song; had seemed a breezy, but it's been dragging on
Words to this song; preoccupy me every night, every day
Words to this song; this melody is so gay

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an ambition so might
To compose this song in Finnish; tryna put up a fight
But it's taking so long; I am in such a delay
And I will surely miss the deadline; need to find the right rhyme

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an idea so bright
But it's taking me forever and I need a respite
If I could just hang on maybe my brain will obey
Then I shall finally get to finish and go lay in some hay

(I can do this; piece of toast, yes
I can do this; be the most, and
Go my way and rest on blocks of hay)

Words to this song; a mad experiment; been racking my brains
This just won't do; I know you know this because I know it, too
Words to this song; forgive me saying this, but Finnish is cray
Not nice to say; The Muses won't meet me halfway

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an ambition so might
It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an ambition so might
And I'm glad to say I've made it; yes, I've finished tonight
Even though not quite right, it sure as heck is okay
And before you all I stand here to present it today

It was a fantasy, yeah; oh, an idea so bright
But my words just seemed to fail me; not inspired, not slight
But I've made it this long and now my fears are at bay
Yes, I finally got to finish this and
Finally got to finish this and lay in some hay.

Based on Switzerland 1957
Lys Assia — L'enfant que j'étais

Haunted by Lys A, just can't get her to leave
An endless Refrain, I don't want to receive
This curse I'm subject to, no-one can answer
Each day she comes anew, it's true disaster

Inside my mirror, her visage before me
At nights she whispers, in my dreams she's set free
She just won't go away, it is a horror
I beg and I implore her, please leave me Lys A

A creak on the stair, though none is around
A chill in the air, straight from the beyond
Lingering decay seeps out of the walls
Lake Maggiore, drips in the bathroom
A hair in the cream, of my risotto
In the shower steam, a G for Giorgio

I fear that I must consult a specialist
The priest down the lane certainly will assist
He'll come this weekend to take my confession
I'll share with him my woes over polenta

A circle of salt, water blessed and holy
All measures in place, time for Lys A to leave
But the sly old lady, she has deserted
The priest told me most sternly, it's all in your head

Based on Israel 1992
Dafna Dekel — Ze Rak Sport

Misdeeds can get you in a jam
When caught by a detective
Why spend your whole life on the lam
When we’re so inexpensive?

We don’t know much about the law
But our smiles are arresting :)
Our fees are level with the floor
Whoever you’re molesting!

We bought our law degrees from Internet
We’re not much use except for cutting overhead
In truth, in tennis we’re well-trained
But for the law we’re not well-brained
Can’t win a case but we can often win a set

It also doesn’t help our case
When loose balls hit the judge’s face
Got charged with murder? Don’t expect we’ll serve an ace

There are no limits to how much you can love
…But it’s still bigamy according to the judge

At tennis court we’re all adored
At real court? Abhorred
Too bad we’re all your coins afford
Justice can’t be bought

We’ll act naïve about your guilt
To get you a fair hearing
But secrets often end up spilt
When we get racketeering

Been stabbing ladies in the dark?
We can’t bury the hatchets
And arson rarely lights a spark
It’s not our kind of matches

At Wimbledon our skills were truly deft
But in the courts we can’t deny a simple theft
The other side is rarely stressed
At least the jurors look impressed
Their eyeballs zig-zag round the courtroom, right and left

Please let us know if we forget
To take the visors off our heads
Or if our socks have tiny bobbles on the ends

Back in our primes we were all Sharapovas
Makes perfect sense that we became solicitors

At tennis court our skills they laud
At real court? We’re flawed…
If you’ve been caught in acts of fraud
Mistrial’s your best shot

🎾 🎾 🎾 🎾 🎾

[Tennis grunt]

Yay!

Custody battles are also far too hard
Frankly, it’s baffling why we haven’t been disbarred

At tennis court we earn awards
At real court? Dropped jaws
Lawyers 4 Less - Our bills are smalls
‘Cause our skills are balls

Papa pada papa papa, hey!

Based on Germany 1998
Guildo Horn — Guildo hat euch lieb!

Don't say 'micro wave'
Pronunciation’s been erased
We've been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say 'mee-kroh-wah-vay'

There once was a time
Common sense, it was in its prime
When micro fitted with phone, scope or cosmic
Waves were non-pandemic
But not anymore
Cause Nigella's busted through the door
And she changed history, in one tiny short clip
"Warmed in the mee-kroh-wah-vay"

Don't say 'micro wave'
Pronunciation’s been erased
We've been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say 'mee-kroh-wah-vay' (mee-kroh-wah-vay)

She's in her own little world
Those hazel eyes, the madness twirls
Did she mean it or was she just joking?
Maybe she was smoking!
Now that would explain
The confusion, the linguistic pain
Still I ponder at night while I'm lying awake
Should I say 'mee-kroh-p-ho-nay'?

Don't say 'micro wave'
Pronunciation’s been erased
We've been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say 'mee-kroh-wah-vay' (mee-kroh-wah-vay)

I can't make it tick
How it tocks, her phonetic logic
Cause if I had to say it phonetically?
"Beep beep beep, mee-kroh-way-vee!"

Don't say 'micro wave'
Pronunciation’s been erased
We've been getting it wrong, but it’s child’s play
Say mee-kroh-wah-vay (mee-kroh-wah-vay, mee-kroh-wah-vay)
(Don't say 'micro wave') (mee-kroh-wah-vay)
Oh, say mee-kroh-wah-vay (mee-kroh-wah-vay)
(Don't say 'micro wave') (mee-kroh-wah-vay)
Oh, say mee-kroh-wah-vay!

Based on Austria 2021
Vincent Bueno — Amen

The Book
I read
It said to look at the past results
The stats
It said
Dress in black with no trace of yellow

No it never said it’d stitch me up to bomb
And even not to qualify

But The Book
The Book
I say this is what it ranted
This is what it ranted
The Book
The Book
I say this is what it ranted
This is what it ranted
The Book

I took
Running order much better than 2
No curse or
Kiss of death
In March it said to select, not too soon

No I never thought it’d bury me this way
No I never thought it’d lie

But Omens
Omens
I say this is what it stated
This is what it stated
Omens
Omens
I say this is what it stated
This is what it stated

Not part of a group
And singing at 5, at five, AT FIVE
No sun glasses
Like Rafal
Doomed for The Ride

But The Book
The Book
Tell me is this what it wanted?!?
Tell me is this what it wanted?!?
The Book
The Book
You are burning in the dustbin!

You are getting what you wanted!

The Book

Based on Denmark 2021
Fyr og Flamme — Øve os på hinanden

Oh God no what is that!?
Do I need to wear a hat?
My hairline is looking so thin and weak
Maybe it just needs a little tweak
Like a combover, that could work!
But what if the wind is strong!? Won't it look wrong!?

(You're going bald)
My hair is falling off, I'm freaking out
(You're - You're going bald)
My head was full of hair, but now it's barely there

Always had long glorious hair, now I show a lot of scalp
If I want to keep my mane I might just need a little help
Could a transplant be part of the solution? I want hair rejuvenation!

Toppik won't hide my spots
I'm just losing lots and lots
My head shape is not ideal, it's getting real

(You're going bald)
My drain is full of hair, what happened here?
(You're going going bald)
So I guess there's no way back, but I just can't let go

Always had long glorious hair, now I show a lot of scalp
If I want to keep my mane I might just need a little help
A toupée could be part of the solution? I need hair rejuvenation!

(There's nothing wrong with losing all your hair, now that is true)
(It looks good on Jason, Bruce and Dwayne, so why not on you too?)

Fuck it, why am I even pretending?

(Shave it off and then embrace it!)

I am bald and I am proud and now I want the World to see!
Being bald is not so bad when you're a friggin' hunk like me!
So I finally have a great solution: Don't need hair rejuvenation!