The Safety Song

Based on Iceland 1999
Selma — All Out of Luck

Don’t twerk on a Segway
Don’t sleep on a runway
Don’t go for a dive with crocodiles
They’ll gobble you down, nom

Don’t choke on a cupcake
Don’t tickle a stingray
And certainly don’t download that file
You’re bound to get phished, or else infected

Look, I know you live for lols and pleasure
And life can seem just like a game
But every single moment’s risky
And that’s why I’m warning you

So! You don’t give a fuck,
Pick a fight with a duck
And then it’ll suffocate you, so feathery
Swim with a shark
And then you will drown
Or wind up no longer intact

Life can suddenly suck
If you act like a schmuck
Take care for the sake of your health
My advice: don’t roll the dice
And just be cautious, lower the stakes
‘Cause the world can be tough
Don’t leave it to luck

Stay safe, stay safe, beware!

Don’t jump off a big hill
Don’t play in a sawmill
I know I’m a buzzkill, but my tale is gory and true

I used to do ballet
On a dangerous freeway
No place for a plié, but for thrills it was way off the chart
Then I

Forgot to look up
Suddenly I was struck
A Juggernaut bowled me over mid-arabesque
Squished like a bug
My tutu was found
Inside my intestinal tract

Motorway ballet class
Ten-ton truck up my arse
Believe me, it still hurts like hell

My advice: always look twice
And don’t perform a pas de bourrée
In the path of a truck

Road covered in guts
Stay safe, stay safe, beware
And bits of my butt
Stay safe, stay safe, beware!