Antique’s Roadshow

Based on Greece 2005
Elena Paparizou — My Number One

Awesome wonders
Flood my cupboards
Years of rescued crap from Eurovision dumpsters

Paola slippers
Senhit stickers
Nearly mint, one skidmark only, Lindfors’ knickers

Eamonn’s mullet
Fanny magnet
Best of Scooch cassette, the black box still protects it

Kathy Kirby
I hate my collection and I need an exit

Please buy my trunk
Of old Antique junk
Just don’t tell Nikos I flogged his scraps

I sell his stuff
He gets in a huff
Can’t move for bouzoukis crapping up my loft

Blas piñata
“You’re my number two” card that I made for Chiara :(

[Fiddling in drawers]

Lordi’s bible
Massiel’s bridle
N’evergreen’s, until it rolled off, one glass eyeball

Prop AIDS ribbon
Mitt Liv mitten
Gagnamagnið masks, original condition

Roman beanie
Sheer bikini
Someone binned this urn, it smells like Ulla Wiesner

France Gall lolly
Blow-up Zoli
Alma Čardžić light, it turns into Katrina

Please buy this crud
It’s too rare to chuck
Can’t bin a Bob Benny bobblehead

New auction up
Hope fights won’t erupt
For the Kesslers’ nudes, they were shot just last month

Suntribe mufflers
Brokken rubbers
From that dodgy batch where Douwe Bob bought hundreds

[Lots happening]

Wow, what a fudge
This shite wouldn’t budge
Only Kovač bid for Kempers’ pants

Barely a crumb
For Smolova’s mum
Decades of collecting and it’s all worth bum

Guess I’ll shuffle
My junk jungle
Back up to the attic till the ceilings buckle