Based on Army of Lovers – Rockin' the Ride (MF 2013)

It's time for ALC

It's time for ALC

Composer, rédiger, corriger
Paniquer, envoyer
Et voilà, there's your song
Have no clue? Diggiloo, Wiki too
Pekaru, oink and moo
Et voilà, there's your song

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're writin', re-writin', submittin' and cryin'
And readin' and singin' and laughin' and smilin'
And tearin' our hair out just tryin' to vote
(Rockin' the rhymes)

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
It's time for the lyrics, the drama, the chaos
The giggles, the fart jokes
It's time for ALC

Destination for our lyric bus:
Bomb site in Belarus
Don't worry, wildlife seems okay
(Bruno bear)

Six songs written 'bout an octopus
Just one about a moose :-(
Mais, voilà, here's the songs

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
There's dead ESC hosts and grans who won't be ghosts
And there, in the corner, Corinna May goes blind

Pop stars kick the bucket left and right
Worse still: a whiny child
But there's Corona here for you
(Drama gays)

No escaping now you're on the ride
'Cause now you're in for life
Et voilà, here's the songs

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
New management has taken over—so, hi!

This was born fourteen bloody years ago
In Belgium-Birkenhead
ALC is still here
And we rule the world

Woah, rockin' the rhymes
Rockin' the rhymes

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
Steer clear of the flautists, the milkmaids and cowgirls
(Rockin' the rhymes)
There's monsters, for sure, but have you seen the Greeks?

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
(Everybody's gonna vote tonight, we're gonna judge tonight)
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
(You'd better count your syllables)
Estonian Cowgirl or winner? Well, you choose!
(Welcome to the fifteenth ALC! Let all the songs begin!)
(See what's insi-i-i-de)
It's time for the madness, we're
Rockin' the rhymes!

Based on Sweden 2009

(Nous sommes les Sverigedemokraterna
Nous gagnons les élections suédoises
Tôt ou tard)

Can't deal with your husband?
Can't deal with your parents?
Children down with flu?

Chaos in the office?
New demanding bosses?
Did you step on poo?

Oh... We know what we should do

Get rid of all the fucking immigrants (The immigrants)
There will be no guilty or innocents
Back into the sea
Or through land shall they flee
Get rid of all the fucking immigrants

Homehunt is frustrating
Healthcare requires waiting
There was too much snow

Sinking education?
Market in depression?
Modesty's your foe

Oh... Our Viking horns we blow!

Get rid of all the fucking immigrants (The immigrants)
And we should start with all the darker ones
Civil war and shit
We take no refugees
This is our policy

To kill...

Ahmad! And José!
Taha, Valeryi, Umut and René!

This ingenious plan
Will save our precious land
Let's start with all the fucking immigrants
Then Jews and fags
Then your dads!

Based on Denmark 1995

There are two types of guys
And I generalise
For you can call me hostile
But I'm only forthright

Those that were in a frat
Calves and biceps, no fat
Sailor in a tanker
Or a well-trained banker

From Måns to Skarsgård
From Måns to Skarsgård
Can't pick my guy, I wanna die
Or am I silly, brother?
The mornings pass without no lover
There aren't any princes gathered
So who am I to choose, then?

Do I keep going with the types?
Next the sweetheart-y guys
Born to be a father
Of "one-of-each" rather

From Måns to Skarsgård
From Måns to Skarsgård
For years stock-still, I'm measuring
And trying to rediscover
The feelings under my hardcover
And why I haven't had one shoulder
I wouldn't mind the type of

Sit and cry out
Cause even the wind blows wrong somehow
The youth that I once had is gone now
So long gone as my fire

See the light there? (No Måns, no Skarsgård)
Or are you still the blind man you were? (No Måns, no Skarsgård)
Your farewell need not be so somber
So let this lyric guide you

Based on Netherlands 2018

There’s a guy divine
Makin’ whiskey and water out of wine
In the town of Rhome
He was duct-taped to a cross of styrofoam
It’s like winnin’ in NASCAR when ya drink beer with yer Lord

Everybody praise the Lord! It’s Redneck Jesus!
Sacraments of moonshine ‘n’ squirrel sure please us
Love yer neighbor with a bit o’ racism (yeah)
He’ll make ya wanna roar like a Monster truck’ll
Make ya wanna wear a ‘Merican belt buckle
Shows ya how to getcherself to trucker heaven
Everybody praise the Lord who’s wearin’ denim!

When they whipped him ‘round the town
With a piece of barb’wire fence he was a-crowned
When yer God ain’t employed
He’s free to lube yer soul with motor oil
Yeah, it’s loaves an’ fishin’ until noon
An’ banjos all night long

Everybody praise the Lord! It’s Redneck Jesus!
Pump them sinners full of ammunition
Out in his pick-up on a country-fried mission (yeah)
Got himself a posse full of hick apostles
Barefooted, mullets, an’ tattooed muscles
Not payin’ taxes landed him in prison
Even yer mama gonna be forgiven

(O’ O’ Lord...A-men)

Everybody praise the Lord! It’s Redneck Jesus!
Camouflage robes for huntin’ season
Healin’ all the lepers of their diseasin’ (yeah - huh!)
Walkin’ on the Bayou, wrasslin’ alligators
Dyin’ on the cross to make America greater
Likes his asses like he likes his women
Hairy, big, an’ branded with a John Deere emblem

I sez, everybody’s blessed to have a Redneck Jesus!

Based on Germany 1979

(Neanderthalic Tweeting, growing faster and scarier)

Believe me, I’m the leader with the greatest limbs!
Giant hands!
Ha, HUGE, Ha!

I’m breaking all the records in all kinds of things!
Biggest fans!
Ha, HUGE, Ha!

Three-hundred six electors, but who’s keeping score?
At my inauguration, ten billion more!
The biggest landslide victory on Earth!
HUGE, ha!

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Least racist! Most smartest! Best talker! No one’s Whiter!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
They’re beggars! Spread terror! Home-wreckers! Shithole countries!

Very stable genius!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
Not a single weakness!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
All the other stuff, it’s just fake news!

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Least sexist! Most brightest! Deal maker! VERY humble!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
They’re liars! Bad writers! Fake newsers! It’s a witch hunt!

Don’t you know I know words!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
I have all the best words!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
And believe me, we will build that wall!

I went to North Korea, and they said I failed:
Didn’t fail!
Ha, HUGE, ha...
The little rocket man and I are now best friends!
Great parades!
Ha, HUGE, ha...

I’m passing legislation, both left and right!
My Muslim ban was held up, and I won the fight!
Those very bad dudes, gotta keep them out!
HUGE, ha...

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
What Russians? No Russians! (Whisper): Hey Russians, call me later!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Obama’s Islamic! Terrorist! Born in Kenya!

Elton needs an organ!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
I don’t need an organ!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
All the records broken with my mouth!

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Deport them! Don’t want them! Report them, take their babies!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Love women! All women! Hot women! Like my daughter!

No one loves the troops more!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
I will have the best wars!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
Left wing media covfefe! Sad!
Ha… HUGE, ha, HUGE...

Based on Sweden 1993

Comrades in the thirties and forties group
Take your places please
I can see you all on my telescreen, yes I can
Morning exercises are crucial to every person’s health
I will show you a few, you’ll do them too
Let’s get ready, and one, and two
(ah ah ah ah ah ah owwww)
Oh don’t complain, no pain no gain

Let’s begin!
Bend and stretch those arms together
And you had best remember to do your best, or face my temper
Bread, stew, cheese
That is all you eat for dinner, yet you are all no thinner!
Or do you all drink too much Victory Gin?
Dear oh dear.

Now we’ll touch our toes
Over from the hips, don’t you bend those knees
Anyone your age should complete this well, uh-huh…
6079! Yes, Smith W! You bend lower please
You’re not trying a bit, and you’re unfit
To my orders you will submit
You’ll all end up in Room 101.

Sooo! Watch me, please
Thirty-nine and I’m a mother
One kid after another
And just like me they love Big Brother
There’s no reason to think I’ll let you slack off
And I am keeping track of the lazy ones
And I will tell the Thought Police
Yes indeed!

(boo-hoo-hoo, ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwww)
Keeping bending, keep stretching, for Oceania!

Well, I’m pleased that you understand I’m serious
Keep-fit makes me delirious
Now try again
That’s better now comrades!
Stand at ease.

Based on Italy 2018

Behind me there's a black shawl replacing trail of rainbow
Instead of the old pop tart, a sunken lonely sailboat
Unlike the other cats, though, I don't nyan in falsetto
My nyans are pure and formal, heartbreaking and immortal

My music's in the centre of every worthy genre
A cheerful tune ain't cool as my eight-bit saudade
I need some recognition, become a trending known star
So please become my agent, how soon then can I phone ya?

Now listen, cat, I'm sorry, you kind of have to earn it
Success ain't coming your way, even though you seem determined
Five years ago or sooner, acclaim of grumpy cats grew
But now the youth wants fun, and there's nothing fun about you

There's lots of awesome felines, my feed is full of cat clips
Compared to which the Nyan thing looks morose and geriatric
The trend's Maneki-neko, and cats who fear the toaster
No-one wants a Fado Nyan Cat

No-one wants a Fado Nyan Cat
No-one loves a sad old Nyan Cat
This is what I'm told in every country, every city, every planet
No-one wants a Fado Nyan Cat
No-one likes a good old nyan chant
I will do from now all that it costs to not be transparent

Why don't you hit the road, surely someone's sympathetic
There's no need to be scared, some people like authentic
I've heard, in Jászapáti, and in Nyíregyháza
Demand is pretty strong for respectable composers

Actually I've tried it, bitch you so don't know me
I flew to Budapest and went to sell them my skills
I thought they'd love to meet a new nyanning cat fadista
I said "helló, nyán" but they just said "viszlát"

No-one wants a Fado Nyan Cat
No-one loves you, sad old Nyan Cat
Altogether your clips have got ninety total views, and you should thank it
No-one wants a Fado Nyan Cat
No-one likes outdated nyan chants
If your Tube's got no lolz, then the crowds are not gonna share it

But when career goes belly-up, life has missed the target
There's one place every saddo can still be in the market
For them it's not immoral, and they're not picky, we know
About who's working for them, representing San Marino
Representing San Marino
Representing San Marino

*a prolonged melancholic nyan about a lover lost at sea*

New job found for Fado Nyan Cat
Europe meets its future Nyan Cat
I'll get jury love, old televoters would see a merit
San Marino's ready, Nyan Cat
They won't regret it, I swear it
Best result since ever, Nyan Cat
At least, their best one since Serhat

Back to square one, I'm afraid
The offer's gone, it turns out
They just gave it to another
A non-talent girl from Malta

Based on Montenegro 2018

Halloween is when I do
Every errand that’s accrued.
I can venture in the streets
To buy some ointment for my feet

They all think my cape’s fake.
No one’s taking out their stakes.
They’re just letting me go past,
As I run to get some gas.

Shopping trips and
Pay the bills and
To the blood bank.
No-one fears me-e-e!

No one likes a Dracula.
Usually attacking ya
When returning DVDs
To the Redbox that is down the street!

But when kids go trick or treat
No one notices my teeth
They won’t try to bludgeon me
When it’s Dress-Up-Like-A-Vampire day

But they only see a monster!
Am I me or just an imposter?

As dawn breaks, I’m all alone.
Costumed children have gone home.
In the mirror I can see
There’s nobody staring back at me.

No one in the crypt but me...
Shit! Forgot my groceries!
On the bus, I left them there!
I’ll go get them in another year…

Halloween, yeah!

Based on Moldova 2018

All your secrets have been sold
Your life story is pure gold
We stole your information
See, here’s your inventory
Of personality for online exploitation

Your social media settings grew confusing
Who knew their consent was implied?
That Facebook survey you thought looked amusing
It blew your defence open wide!

Now we’re here controlling all you read
We’re trolling what you see and what you do
Cognitive assessment made to look innocent
Datasets defining you

So long as we’re earning, we ain’t that discerning
Tyrants, cheats, please form a queue
Tell use your endeavour, why, what, whomsoever…
We will make your dream come true

**********

We’ll manipulate your views
Through a drip-feed of fake news
Designed to look sporadic
Think you’ll look the other way?
You’re too smart? Hmm… yeah, okay
Then *POWW!* an infographic…

If something sells you bet that we’ll misuse it
Our clientele stretches worldwide
We’re science geeks? Or an audacious con-trick?
You’ll never quite make up your mind

Number-crunching, polling
Auto-diagnosing how you’ll feel before you do
Rich man waved his plastic: Demagogue?
Fantastic! We can help you stage a coup!

All the time we’re learning
Swing states overturning from Wisconsin to Baku
Propaganda’s better when it’s made-to-measure
Your worst nightmares have come true

**********

[PRIVACY STATEMENT]
Rummaging around here… in your data
Any dirt we found we… saved for later
Loaded up into our… simulator
Not your data…

It’s OUR data

Based on Ireland 1971

You asked for a date
And I said “Listen, mate,
On the chart of sweethearts
I’m afraid you don’t rate.

You may laugh, here’s a graph,
Shows the best men of all
It’s a fact, true enough
You don’t feature at all.”

“Yes, I’m short and I’m grey
And I know I look weak
But I’m begging you, please,
will you give me a week?

I’ll be tough, mark my words
I’ll be brave without fear
Every day I will show
I’m the toughest round here.”

Monday, you went to the dentist
Wouldn’t be anaesthetised
Tuesday, the bees were all stinging you
You pushed your face in their hive

Wednesday, you bought red-hot chillies
Rubbed all the juice in your eyes
Thursday, a fight in the street late at night
And you finished up with two black eyes

You’d been brave, it was true
I was almost impressed
But suggested to you
That you give it a rest

But you felt on a roll
And you said you preferred
Being so tough, rough and tough
How very absurd

Friday, the weather was freezing
You ran outside in the buff
Saturday, spent the day screaming,
Grunting, and macho-like stuff

Sunday you swam in the ocean
Challenged a shark to a race
You didn’t laugh when it bit you in half
And devoured the smile off your face

How you tried, now you’ve died,
And you proved you had balls
But the tough guy lifestyle
Didn’t suit you at all

So a word for the wise
My advice to all men:
Don’t try to prove that you’re tough -
Pretend.