Based on Croatia 1998

Up for adoption, all alone
Our mamas left us with no home
Because a doctor diagnosed
An illness beastly, odd, and gross

Though people let us stay, for thirty days,
They change their minds, discard us, when the full moon comes

Werewolves without a lair
Weakly werewhelps wearing well-worn wares
When will we find a family we don’t scare?

No love for furry lads
Naked, never noticed, never fed
Not so much as a bit of bloody bread

Why are we always disavowed?
Is it because we’re unibrowed?
Our lives are largely lacking hope
Living like lowly lycanthropes

Just ‘cause we pee on trees, does not mean we
Will maul your son, or shit on top of your divan

Please put your guns away
Piercing pups with pitchforks: not okay
Please, we pray, let us love you, we’ll behave-a-a-ve

For an eternity
Fleas and failure foiled our family
Four furries, fearful, furious, and free-e-e-e

Four furries, fearful, furious, and free-e-e-e

Can cuddly kids by day
Be blamed for being bitten by a stray?

Tiny tots, crossed with lupine DNA
Hairy, but … we need loving anyway…

Based on Iceland 2019

@*&#!

Stranger, forever lost
Eyeballs extremely crossed
Fifteen pounds this book cost
Where the fuck is Wally?!

Boiling, my temper
Only finding Wenda
Simple colour blocking:
Always better

~ Lost in the crowd ~
~ I go unfound ~
~ Shy I am not ~
~ I’m just really hard to spot ~

Legions of copycats
Brainwashed or body-snatched
Outfits too closely matched
Beach in summer weather
Still loyal to the sweater

Hat of the bobble
Fashion ensemble
Hand lens failure
Fruitless microscopy
Night becoming day

~ Come join my fun ~
~ Oh… but you can’t ~
~ I’ll make you crack ~
~ Turn for answers at the back ~
~ But there are none ~

~ Throw in the towel ~
~ You wanna hint? ~
~ I’ve got on a lovely hat ~

~ I’m meeting your glance ~
~ Still you look past ~
Cult of the knitter
Clutters picture
~ Still you look past ~
Wizard discovered
Veins about to rupture

~ Isn’t this fun? ~
Rising mental scarring
Dog in margin

I’ll ask some children

Based on Luxembourg 1984

You know that life’s a mystery
And everyone must stand alone
But then I hear you call my name
And instantly it feels like home

I hear your voice, an angel sighs
I have no choice, feels like I fly
I close my eyes and think I fall
Out of the sky, to God I call

Call my name, it feels like a prayer
I’m down on my knees, take you there
The midnight hour, I feel your power – oh!
Like a prayer, I will take you there

Just like a child, whisper to me
You’re in control, it’s like a dream
There is no end no beginning
You’re here with me and a choir sings

Sound of your voice can take me there
I have no choice I hear your voice
A muse to me, a mystery
Not what you seem, it’s like a dream

Call my name, it feels like a prayer
I’m down on my knees, take you there
The midnight hour, I feel your power – oh!
Like a prayer, I will take you there

I’ve got no choice, I hear your voice
A muse to me, a mystery

Call my name, it feels like a prayer
I’m down on my knees, take you there
The midnight hour, I feel your power – oh!
Like a prayer, I will take you there

Call my name, it feels like a prayer
I’m down on my knees, take you there
The midnight hour, I feel your power – oh!
Like a prayer, I will take you there

Based on Sweden 1982

You should do it once a week
Whenever you feel dirty

We all know it is such fun
To run about the streets buck naked

Look at where that muck collects
When you crawl through the bushes

That is where our place can help you out
Let us sing our salon’s motto now

Go Doggie Style!
Here to wash you nose to butt

Yes Doggie Style!
Big or small, pure-bred or mutt

Check us out on PoochAdviser
Woof! Woof! Woof! They all say

We’ll clean you up
Do it now in Doggie Style!

It’s our job to pamper you
Relieving all your tension

Did you hear about that zoo?
It really does deserve a mention

One small dog was all they had
Indeed it was a shih tzu!

Corny, true. At least that made you smirk
Who says fun is banned when you’re at work?!

In Doggie Style, Bettan rubs your cares away

While Kikki she gives you good floof, head to tail

Read these words from our subscribers:
Woof! Woof! Woof! on Houndtube

That’s what they say!
Take your time with Doggie Style

Your buddies will be eager to
Lick and sniff your arses

That’s just a perk

Do it now…in Doggie Style

Don’t be shy

Say that #I’veDoneItDoggieStyle

Based on Israel 1974

Her day began with her Nassim snoring beside her
Though the right man, she couldn’t help but feel peculiar
As she was wearing his boxers, and he her nightdress
Climbed out of bed, the perfect time to watch the sunset

Brushed her feet and combed the jam
Read the toast, and blended up
a fruit smoothie with chop suey
Went to walk the cat

Poor Lina Hedlund’s day, was in a backwards way
She started from the end
And slowly worked her way to the beginning

Met sister Hanna just outside of the beauticians
After 2 hours they left, their nails in worse condition
With lashes plucked, tummies untucked, and waxed off eyebrows
Once they were done her sister told her ‘Hallå, Hallå’

Packed her kids off out to school
At four in the afternoon
In her car, did yoga
Injured her ulna

Poor Lina Hedlund’s day, was in a backwards way
Nothing would go to plan
And though she tried real hard, she couldn’t change it

Oooo Oooo

With Alcazar she had an afternoon performance
But the keychanges were all modulated downwards
Andreas wrote his number in her underwear seam
If Aftonbladet found out that would make the headlines

She clapped all wrong in Alcastar
Climbed into the glitterball
Sinner and saint, both were her
Then came the Eurovision

Poor Lina Hedlund’s day, was in a backwards way
Meeting Linnea Deb, she called her Joy instead

Oh yes poor Lina Hedlund’s day, ended in disarray
When filling out her list, she had the order flipped

Oh yes poor Lina Hedlund’s fave, was meant to be Arcade
But instead Netherlands ended up listed last

Oh yes poor Lina’s day, was luckily outweighed
By poor Jon Ola Sand’s Saturday

Oof!

Based on Netherlands 1987

I sit down and kneel
As I fold my hands with trembling fear
It was thrilling, and I thought I was so smart
No, there is no doubt, there was no real remorse I felt
I have always known exactly how my cards were dealt
As you talk, you sound just like a voice-over

Oh dear Lord I have sinned
Gave them number two
Their lower score
I see it now
#Almaia will hunt me anyhow
Maybe I’ll get skinned
By all the eurofans
Or worse than skinning they’ll chase me and
They’ll all scream ‘Let’s get his hairs trimmed’
(Let’s get his hairs trimmed!)

How I really feel
About it all and their ‘Canción’…
Let’s just say that it is not state of the art
And you know, deep within I pity their bad luck
Mainly hers, because we all know he is gay as fuck
But she’s stuck with him, she got the leftover

Oh dear Jon I have sinned
Now I know it’s true
I used to soar
But now I vow
To retain Spain’s spot as a cash cow
When the lights are dimmed
With the draw in my hands
I’ll put Spain in number thirteen or
Even in bloody twenty-six

#Almaia, can we please underscore
My hairs were just recently trimmed
(They came twenty-third!)
Åh nej, it’s the herd!
(Now we’ll skin you, turd!)
Jon, put in a word!

Based on Denmark 1983

Broken dryer! What am I supposed to do?
Need some knickers and they’re all soaked through.

I knew at once smalls so unclean
would sorely test the washing machine.
Instead they killed the dryer dead.
That option’s gone. So what does that leave?

My hair dryer? That would take all afternoon.
Radiators aren’t much use in June.

A short skirt’s good, in its way;
not when your **** comes out to play.
At work I bet, though men would tip,
I’d get the shove for giving them lip!

Fan-forced oven! That should do the trick. Let’s see.
Not too hot, mind. 200 degrees.

Soon I’ll have dry lingerie.
But what’s that smell, like an ashtray?
Not – ? Oy vey!

Pants on fire! Undies overcooked, I see.
You might say they’re dryer than I need.

That backfired 🙁 Crispy panties, table three!
Go commando? No choice left for me.
Guess it’s knicker-free!

Based on Austria 1991

Mutant deer mating, Pripyat is waiting
To get some cool shots with me
Empty concrete blocks, the ferris wheel rocks
This place truly is the A-bomb!

Drops on my forehead, I whip out the drone
The air tastes metallic, I’ll get it done

Chernobyl in the rain
A perfect time to begin vlogging (vlogging…)
Chernobyl in the rain
I would love if you would start subscribing

A derelict school, this is simply way too cool
A school bus that once carried kids
The fog is so thick, where’s the selfie-stick?
Something for my Instagram

Dropping my NBC suit to the ground
Hashtag nuclearbooty, it’s Like-meltdown!

Chernobyl in the Rain
A wonderful time for a selfie (selfie…)
Chernobyl in the rain
I’m sure this is not that unhealthy

Chernobyl in the rain
(The Life of an) Influencer (‘encer…)
Chernobyl in the rain
Can I please have an air dispenser?

Chernobyl in the Rain
(The Life of an) Influencer (Selfie)
Follow!

Based on Iceland 2019

Looking for hell on earth?
Where they treat you like dirt?
In for a world of hurt?
No need to look too far

Customer Service
People are ‘assertive’
But they seem to forget
Basic respect

All that they say
Let it wash away
If all else fails
Have a glass of Chardonnay

People don’t realize
Who’s on the other side
Who provides a reply
Digest the frustrations
Exercise their patience

Customer Service
People take a piss
Impoliteness
No need for rudeness, thanks
You deserve a spank

Wax on, wax off
And try not to scoff
Try to be kind
First world problems make them blind

Breathe in, breathe out
And try not to shout
Just realize
One day soon, they too will die

They too will die
They too will die

Customer Service
Think I might crack
(They too will die)
Customer Service
Water off a duck’s back?
(They too will die)
Patience is what I lack!
I’m such a wreck…

Fuck first world problems.

Based on Cyprus 2012

Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love

Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala love

Love like ours is way beyond the: sex-u-al
Baby, it’s so deep and true: perpe-tu-al

Feeling such bliss, though we don’t kiss
Just saying: “Oh! Eh-oh!”

Tinky is a scamp, with endless: porky pies
Photoshopping with his rude and filthy: pack of lies

In any case, in any place…

So now you know-ow-ow!

Oh! Eh-oh! Feel the energy between you and me, Lala , it’s our time

Oh! Eh-oh! I feel your yellowness envelop you and me, you and me

Now we are sharing all this
Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love

How I’ve been waiting for your
Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love!

While Po is psychotic, always on: sky-y-ype

Dipsy tells the world, he bottoms: ay-ay-ay!

Not that I care, that’s his affair
Don’t need to know. No! No!

And they do this as well
As you can tell
Play in the snow-ow-ow…

Oh! Eh-oh! See our energy, it soars over them, Lala. Yellow light!

Oh! Eh-oh! Like electricity that flows from you to me, you to me

It’s so much better than this
Tinky… Tinky Tinky Winky… Tinky Winky kinky love

No, we’ve been sharing higher
Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love!

{musical interlude}

When Noo-noo’s here, it’s all too clear

Oh! Eh-oh! It feels so heavenly when you’re with me, Lala, it’s so right

Oh! Eh-oh! I love your energy, entwining you and me, you and me

Wow! We’ve been sharing all this

Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love!

Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love!

Oh? You’ve been waiting for this:

Lala… Lala Lala Lala… Lala Lala Lala love?!!