Based on Portugal 1985

They say...
That I am quite mundane
I live a simple life
And in fact, they’re quite right

They say…
(Where does she live? Where does she live?)
I’m the office bore
(Never on leave, never on leave)
But I crave no more
I’m happier at my desk

Where I’ve got paperwork
And filing cabinets
All neatly organized
I live
For our new fax machine
These lovely paper clips
And A4 envelopes

The stapler gives me life

Monday…
(Pencils, we need pencils, we need…)
Is my favourite day
(Pencils, we need pencils, we need…)
Hate to be away
From the shredder, my friend

They say
(Pens aren’t cheap, pens aren’t cheap…)
My job’s out of date
(Pens aren’t cheap, pens aren’t cheap…)
This place will shut down
And we have to clear our desks

Don’t take my stamps away!
My darling rolodex
And pencil sharpener
No way
They’ll get my staple pins
Hole puncher, stay with me!
My precious sellotape

No, I can’t go, I must...

Stay
I’ll occupy this room
And build a cardboard fort
Where I can wait this out
I’ll fight
Hit them with paperweights
Throw white-out in their face
I’ll live on cellophane

(Just keep this ancient crap)
Oh yay!

(Pens aren’t cheap...)

Based on Sweden 2008

I was supposed to be winning
I was supposed to be queen
Three hours later, a victim of hatred
I was shamed, I was betrayed!

High scores from Denmark and Malta
Almost nothing from everywhere else
Might now seem distant, but my anger’s persistent
Now I’ll get back at you all

Oh oh
All of you juries who gave me a zero
Run for your lives!
Oh, I’m
Taking you out, ‘cause you injured my ego
Say your goodbyes!
This is a story
Of pain and redemption
As I’ll get my revenge!
Oh oh
Out of the juries who gave me a zero
None…

Will survive...

Found your addresses on Facebook
Now I’m creeping up outside your doors, oh
Children are screaming
Star TV’s live streaming
As This Shocking Scene Unfolds:

Oh oh
All bloody juries who gave me their zero
Burning alive!
Oh oh
I’ll be more lethal than Emperor Nero
Here’s your demise
Torture and poison
Surprising explosions
As my fury descends
Oh oh
I’m gonna kill you more ways than Carola
Join
Her in hell!
(Her in hell)

Oh oh, hold on...
(What the hell?)
Just checking Wiki… oh no!
That year was fucking televote!?

All of the viewers who gave me a zero!
You’re next in line!
Oh oh
Taking your lives might destroy most of Europe
Who cares? Not I!
(This is a story)
(Of lack of compassion)
Go screw yourselves!
Oh oh
Next year, make sure that you give me your twelves, then
You...
Might not die!

Based on Italy 2018

My gun was out of ammo, was cornered in the ghetto

I'd stolen from a gambler, back then I was a klepto

I thought she was a statue, not moving in the alley

As silent as a tortoise, it looked like rigor mortis

She stepped out from the doorway, and told us she was sorry

I couldn't complain as she'd caught me in flagrante

She took us to her boss who, said that I was a goner

He made me really suffer, with two months in the slammer

And when you hear my story, it may sound quite familiar

She caught me near the dock and she arrested me for murder

Despite my protestations, she used me as a pillow

Until the backup team came, and took me to the station

I'd been arrested quickly, felt I was treated badly

Not listened to my alibi, or my side of the story

I felt the evidence was just purely based on hearsay

Promise that I am not guilty

Captured by the narcoleptic

Chief investigator’s mean tricks

She was in her nightdress and her panties

But she still made the arrest

She had sleepwalked up so gently

I had only stolen twenty

bottles of olive oil and about seventeen dollars thirty

When finally my chance came, with the investigator

I was a little scared, by all that she then told me

She found out that I was the murderer's next target

I was in fact the victim, she took me in to save me

Fessing up the money, and about the bottles

I tried to make the case to her my kids were hungry

Though seeming sympathetic, she said she must insist

That I would serve a little time in prison

Captured for my own protection

My thoughts start to change direction

Took away my freedom with good reason

While she caught the perpetrator

After she had an espresso

She assembled all her colleagues

And told them to deploy for what was a major operation

At the time I was set free, from my stint in the slammer

As I walked out of prison, I crossed paths with the gambler

It seems that in addition to bets in the casino

He'd murdered seven people, at least as far as the police know

Captured by her skilled sleep-judo

The whole time she kept her eyes closed

Lives saved by the narcoleptic

chief investigator's actions

We owe to her our lives, we'll remain forever indebted

What can I do to repay

Without her we'd not be here

I could buy her a new duvet

Invest in comfy pyjamas

Lighten up her caseload, by snitching on my partner, we'll turn a new life over

Or buy her a cappuccino

Based on Belgium 1991

Didn’t I tell you I’m not taking part this time?
It’s your first hosting, I know, but guys:
Give it up!
Merethe cries:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa, hooo!

You two are real persuasive, hey, isn’t that the way?
Love you both so, but hear me say:

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Andy
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Alex

I’ve given more than anyone could ever hope
Sat here on RhymeZone all day long
If you think I’m submitting something just so I can vote
Sorry, but nope, you're thinking wrong

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, guys, now
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, guys, now

Read your site so closely
Your reminder posts and WhatsApp threats
Can’t you see it throws me?
With the deadline looming, feeling vexed

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, host crew
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, you two

Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Andy
Give it up, give it up
Give it up, Alex

(Give it up, give it up)
I can hear you cursing
(Give it up, guys, now)
Saying that I’m shirking
Give it up
Give it up
Give it up, guys, now

Aaaaargh… I give up!

Based on Iceland 2009

You never cook me dinner
You never bring me flowers
You’ve just shagged me once
And if you’re being boring
And you’re being boring
When you use a pump

I’ve seen it once, when you were out, I’ve seen who you are shagging

A sex doll
Blow up sex doll
Used, abused all the time
A sex doll
Full of hot air, it deserves a clean, yes, sometimes…

It’s got a new hole in it
I don’t know how it got there
Now it’s true to life
Don’t know what it looks like
Yes it really looks like,
K, I used a knife

Now your sex doll is torn in half, now you might have to shag me…

A role play
I’m a hooker
You can use more than once
The sex doll
Was wrong for you, play with me I’m free, your cum dump

Des-ti-tute
I’m des-ti-tute
You threw both of us out
A new you
Will it last or are just all the new models out?
A sex doll
A new sex doll
We see the box by your door
A sex doll
It’s your new toy, it will be with us before long….
Your sex dolls

Based on Army of Lovers – Rockin' the Ride (MF 2013)

It's time for ALC

It's time for ALC

Composer, rédiger, corriger
Paniquer, envoyer
Et voilà, there's your song
Have no clue? Diggiloo, Wiki too
Pekaru, oink and moo
Et voilà, there's your song

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're writin', re-writin', submittin' and cryin'
And readin' and singin' and laughin' and smilin'
And tearin' our hair out just tryin' to vote
(Rockin' the rhymes)

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
It's time for the lyrics, the drama, the chaos
The giggles, the fart jokes
It's time for ALC

Destination for our lyric bus:
Bomb site in Belarus
Don't worry, wildlife seems okay
(Bruno bear)

Six songs written 'bout an octopus
Just one about a moose :-(
Mais, voilà, here's the songs

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
There's dead ESC hosts and grans who won't be ghosts
And there, in the corner, Corinna May goes blind

Pop stars kick the bucket left and right
Worse still: a whiny child
But there's Corona here for you
(Drama gays)

No escaping now you're on the ride
'Cause now you're in for life
Et voilà, here's the songs

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
New management has taken over—so, hi!

This was born fourteen bloody years ago
In Belgium-Birkenhead
ALC is still here
And we rule the world

Woah, rockin' the rhymes
Rockin' the rhymes

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
Steer clear of the flautists, the milkmaids and cowgirls
(Rockin' the rhymes)
There's monsters, for sure, but have you seen the Greeks?

We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
(Everybody's gonna vote tonight, we're gonna judge tonight)
We're rockin' the rhymes, nananananana
(You'd better count your syllables)
Estonian Cowgirl or winner? Well, you choose!
(Welcome to the fifteenth ALC! Let all the songs begin!)
(See what's insi-i-i-de)
It's time for the madness, we're
Rockin' the rhymes!

Based on Sweden 2009

(Nous sommes les Sverigedemokraterna
Nous gagnons les élections suédoises
Tôt ou tard)

Can't deal with your husband?
Can't deal with your parents?
Children down with flu?

Chaos in the office?
New demanding bosses?
Did you step on poo?

Oh... We know what we should do

Get rid of all the fucking immigrants (The immigrants)
There will be no guilty or innocents
Back into the sea
Or through land shall they flee
Get rid of all the fucking immigrants

Homehunt is frustrating
Healthcare requires waiting
There was too much snow

Sinking education?
Market in depression?
Modesty's your foe

Oh... Our Viking horns we blow!

Get rid of all the fucking immigrants (The immigrants)
And we should start with all the darker ones
Civil war and shit
We take no refugees
This is our policy

To kill...

Ahmad! And José!
Taha, Valeryi, Umut and René!

This ingenious plan
Will save our precious land
Let's start with all the fucking immigrants
Then Jews and fags
Then your dads!

Based on Denmark 1995

There are two types of guys
And I generalise
For you can call me hostile
But I'm only forthright

Those that were in a frat
Calves and biceps, no fat
Sailor in a tanker
Or a well-trained banker

From Måns to Skarsgård
From Måns to Skarsgård
Can't pick my guy, I wanna die
Or am I silly, brother?
The mornings pass without no lover
There aren't any princes gathered
So who am I to choose, then?

Do I keep going with the types?
Next the sweetheart-y guys
Born to be a father
Of "one-of-each" rather

From Måns to Skarsgård
From Måns to Skarsgård
For years stock-still, I'm measuring
And trying to rediscover
The feelings under my hardcover
And why I haven't had one shoulder
I wouldn't mind the type of

Sit and cry out
Cause even the wind blows wrong somehow
The youth that I once had is gone now
So long gone as my fire

See the light there? (No Måns, no Skarsgård)
Or are you still the blind man you were? (No Måns, no Skarsgård)
Your farewell need not be so somber
So let this lyric guide you

Based on Netherlands 2018

There’s a guy divine
Makin’ whiskey and water out of wine
In the town of Rhome
He was duct-taped to a cross of styrofoam
It’s like winnin’ in NASCAR when ya drink beer with yer Lord

Everybody praise the Lord! It’s Redneck Jesus!
Sacraments of moonshine ‘n’ squirrel sure please us
Love yer neighbor with a bit o’ racism (yeah)
He’ll make ya wanna roar like a Monster truck’ll
Make ya wanna wear a ‘Merican belt buckle
Shows ya how to getcherself to trucker heaven
Everybody praise the Lord who’s wearin’ denim!

When they whipped him ‘round the town
With a piece of barb’wire fence he was a-crowned
When yer God ain’t employed
He’s free to lube yer soul with motor oil
Yeah, it’s loaves an’ fishin’ until noon
An’ banjos all night long

Everybody praise the Lord! It’s Redneck Jesus!
Pump them sinners full of ammunition
Out in his pick-up on a country-fried mission (yeah)
Got himself a posse full of hick apostles
Barefooted, mullets, an’ tattooed muscles
Not payin’ taxes landed him in prison
Even yer mama gonna be forgiven

(O’ O’ Lord...A-men)

Everybody praise the Lord! It’s Redneck Jesus!
Camouflage robes for huntin’ season
Healin’ all the lepers of their diseasin’ (yeah - huh!)
Walkin’ on the Bayou, wrasslin’ alligators
Dyin’ on the cross to make America greater
Likes his asses like he likes his women
Hairy, big, an’ branded with a John Deere emblem

I sez, everybody’s blessed to have a Redneck Jesus!

Based on Germany 1979

(Neanderthalic Tweeting, growing faster and scarier)

Believe me, I’m the leader with the greatest limbs!
Giant hands!
Ha, HUGE, Ha!

I’m breaking all the records in all kinds of things!
Biggest fans!
Ha, HUGE, Ha!

Three-hundred six electors, but who’s keeping score?
At my inauguration, ten billion more!
The biggest landslide victory on Earth!
HUGE, ha!

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Least racist! Most smartest! Best talker! No one’s Whiter!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
They’re beggars! Spread terror! Home-wreckers! Shithole countries!

Very stable genius!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
Not a single weakness!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
All the other stuff, it’s just fake news!

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Least sexist! Most brightest! Deal maker! VERY humble!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
They’re liars! Bad writers! Fake newsers! It’s a witch hunt!

Don’t you know I know words!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
I have all the best words!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
And believe me, we will build that wall!

I went to North Korea, and they said I failed:
Didn’t fail!
Ha, HUGE, ha...
The little rocket man and I are now best friends!
Great parades!
Ha, HUGE, ha...

I’m passing legislation, both left and right!
My Muslim ban was held up, and I won the fight!
Those very bad dudes, gotta keep them out!
HUGE, ha...

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
What Russians? No Russians! (Whisper): Hey Russians, call me later!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Obama’s Islamic! Terrorist! Born in Kenya!

Elton needs an organ!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
I don’t need an organ!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
All the records broken with my mouth!

TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Deport them! Don’t want them! Report them, take their babies!
TRUMP! TRUMP! DONALD TRUMP!
Love women! All women! Hot women! Like my daughter!

No one loves the troops more!
Ho, ho, ho, ho...
I will have the best wars!
Ha, ha, ha, ha...
Left wing media covfefe! Sad!
Ha… HUGE, ha, HUGE...