Based on Austria 1957
Bob Martin — Wohin, kleines Pony?

Your skin is an organ like no other
It’s made out of protein, fats and water
Controls sensation
Heat regulation
It’s quite resistant
And flexible

Your skin can be moistured to look nicer
Though some people bleach it to be whiter
Some say it’s private
And chose to hide it
While others show it
As much they can

It can be brown
It can be light
It can be pale
If you feel fright
It’s tone depends
On your genome
Millions of mites
Call it their home

Your skin is a tissue most compelling
A bite from a spider might cause swelling
Some parts are hairy
But necessary
It’s not a sin
It’s only your skin!

It can be rugged
It can be smooth
It can be stretched
To mimic youth
If in the sun
It can get tanned
Or really burnt
And you’ll be dead

Your skin is what keeps your form together
Without it your fluids would escape it
So please protect it
Do not neglect it
And keep in mind

Your skin needs your love!

Based on Azerbaijan 2021
Efendi — Mata Hari

I’m a Tory,
Not cos of father and mother,
My husband or even a brother,
It’s just cos I’m a cow

Starting fires,
Playing war games I desire,
Ain’t gonna leave no survivors
Til the Falklands are ours

Just like Cleopatra (aah-aah)
A female ruler
And moral pariah
(Wasn’t a man, wasn’t a man, wasn’t a man)
Ma-Ma-Ma-Margaret Thatcher

Margaret Thatcher
(Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma)
(Ma-ma-ma-ma) Ma-Ma-Ma-Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Thatcher
(Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma)
(Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma)
(Margaret Thatcher)

In the eighties
School kids you’d often discover
Drinking their poisonous water
Cos I stole all their milk

And my lying
U-turn around, you are trying
Please, I insist, try to fight me
And I’ll see you in hell

Just like Cleopatra (aah-aah)
A female leader
A moral pariah
(Wasn’t a man, wasn’t a man, wasn’t a man)
Ma-Ma-Ma-Margaret Thatcher

Margaret Thatcher
(Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma)
(Ma-ma-ma-ma) Ma-Ma-Ma-Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Thatcher
(Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma)
(Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma)
Margaret Thatcher

Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma
Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma

Just like Boris Johnson
My conduct was dire (shh)
Let’s go

[Now rave like you’re a Conservative minister in a lockdown!!]

Ma-ma-ma-ma, Margaret Thatcher
Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma, Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Thatcher

Based on United Kingdom 1959
Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr — Sing Little Birdie

Itch, itch, itch go our trigger fing-, fing-, fingers

Sergeants Karen and Kyle
We’re with Tucson PD
We’re just here in the ghetto coz your cousin is a thief
It’s his third stolen car
So we need all the deets
And down here in the ghetto y’all love to spill the tea

Now, just a moment! What “lynch mob”?
We’re just here to do our job
Ma’am, keep your voice down!
Don’t blame us, it’s all on your cuz

So then, this is your chance
Just give us what we need
Or we’ll place all your children in protective custody
Coz we’ve heard ’bout your past
One more charge is strike three
And we’ll make sure you go down for twenty to thirty

Sing, little birdie, shop your cuz!
He won’t hear your name from us
Ask who deserves it
One of y’all’s gonna take the fall

Are you really surprised we’ve your cuz in our sights?
Yes, he fits the description! Witness called him “some black guy”
Ma’am, you’re being absurd
And we’re armed, as you see
Two white peeps in the ghetto? Of course we’re packing heat!

Cease and desist!
Put down your phone, and drop the aggressive tone!
Ma’am, all lives matter – even yours
That’s why we have laws

No further warnings! Filming’s banned!
Turn around and raise your hands!
Please don’t resist, ma’am, or we’ll just
pop
you
in
the
ass

Based on Ukraine 2020
Go_A — Solovey

Dress is purple, voice is mellow
Orchestral performance – less so
Sounds like an unpolished demo
Butchered by a blatant twang

Yet she sang on, never croaked
Other singers would have choked
Then high praise when Toto spoke
“Complimenti”, ain’t no joke

Teeth are perfect, polished white
Lovely Luxembourgish eyes
Earrings with a metal shine
Born and raised in Heinerscheid

Think I’m gonna be her stan
Have her doll for talisman
Make the fandom understand
That her real name’s Mick Wersant

“Sarah Bray, Sarah Bray, straightens out your wrinkles”
Seems she’s had a change of jobs, no-one bought her single
Sarah Bray saturates barren skin with ointments
Mailed her l’Institut Balance to book me an appointment

🛫 ~ Flies to Luxembourg ~ 🛬

‘Bout the stan thing, I’ll be silent
Say I came here for her talent
Eurofan? She might say no
Je cherche un traitement de peau

Yass! I’ve met her at the spa
“Pour le soin des mains, n’est-ce pas?”
Quite a costly wellness plan
Work away on my spine..

.. stiffness in my neck, so ..
.. give me some reflexo ..
.. oil up my whole body ..

Sarah Bray, Sarah Bray, that’s not what I came for!
But she keeps massaging on, with impressive great force
Sarah Bray, should I say, you’re my childhood goddess?
Steal a small kiss? Ask for selfie? Or just get some botox?

Sarah Bray, Sarah Bray, Must-go place near Mensdorf
Wiped away my varicose, waxed my stubborn hair off
Sarah Bray, safe to say, there’s no disappointment
I just cannot praise enough her institut de beauté

Based on Denmark 1979
Tommy Seebach — Disco Tango

It snuck upon me, hit me to the core
Dark like Dementors, vibe like Voldemort
And looking back it must have festered for decades, I guess
(for decades I guess)
A lovely cocktail of anxiety, trauma and stress
When you grow up in a community
That worships God in all severity
But you don’t feel at home, your soul slowly withers away
(slowly withers away)
And all you want is freedom until one day you escape
Break free and never look back

Nervous breakdown, in a flash
The lights went out, an uppercut, a crash
An explosion of howls and tears, then stop
And there is no more air, no laughter and no hope
Thought life fell right into place
Was flying on my freedom, up in space
But my subconscious screamed and kicked and spat:
A nervous breakdown, how ’bout that?

* floats in nothingness *

Nervous breakdown, so what now?
Can’t Expecto Patronum it somehow
Just like in Life Of Pi, I’m lost at sea
The trauma tiger growls – my lifeboat: therapy
As I start to see the light
At the end of the tunnel, not quite bright
My shoulder angel whispers: Just hold on
It’s darkest right before the dawn.