Based on Norway 1997
Tor Endresen — San Francisco

With no more White House soirées, Jill was bored
She opened up a new club for
All leaders’ partners, living and no more
She leads us on a party tour

A new Prince Albert Show is now in full swing
Live on stage he’s stripping
A startled horny Jill spits out her gin
When he shakes his piercing with a grin

Woah-oh… Come be obscene in Jill’s glam disco
Here’s Queen Camilla on a pole
Spins upside down and then drops too low
Jill scrapes Camilla off the floor
(“A doctor’s help is needed!”)

The secret boyfriend of the Pope’s grinding you
A peachy ass with a devil tattoo
A tipsy Jill decides she’s joining in too:
A slutdrop in her blue leatherette suit

Yeah… Of Henry’s six wives, Jill lifts two on string
High above the crowd they scream
The two beheaded wives in bling galore:
A pair of sparkly disco balls

Yeah… yeah… Jill glitters in Evita’s Dance Show
They do a vogue-off full of scorn
Woo-ooh-ooh yeah… Cry for Evita’s frock fiasco:
Her fake tan ran down her Dior

Jill sings Waterloo with a chum:
Who? Who? Who?
The ex of Napoleon, it’s Josephine
She’s been free of him since Eighteen Fifteen

Whose leather whip goes snap-crack?
Telling her gimps to seize the disco?
Michelle Obama, full of force
Wooh-ooh-ooh yeah… Jill, with a growl, says “I don’t think so!”
And shows her judo prowess:
She throws Obama out the door
Whoah yeah!

Based on Croatia 2005
Boris Novković feat. Lado members — Vukovi umiru sami

Note: This AL is based on true events

I went to play paintball with my friends
That looked like a bad plan from the start
Too much testosterone for my taste
I really hate violence

As I joined the battlefield, I felt so scared
Fear probably showing in my eyes
My friend David seemed to notice it
So, he just aimed at me

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my crotch
A paint ball had impacted on my junk
hitting right in the middle of my sack:
Testicular Armageddon!
And meanwhile, I did let out a high-pitched scream
That it could be heard even in Brazil
I saw David mocking my agony
He’d used my balls as his target

Defeated, I collapsed on the ground
My hands cupping my still aching nuts
With much effort, I stood up again,
showing some dignity

Afterwards, I went to the loo to assess
the damage inflicted to my genitals
My shriveled balls looked as red as cherries
Hope amputation’s not needed

(aching balls, hurting balls)
(nuts were crushed, nuts were cracked)
(mushy peas, scrambled eggs)
(manhood killed!)

This is just (David hit him in the balls)
The worst ever punishment for a man
I hope this does not affect my sperm count
I still want to be a father
And there’s just one thing I want to do now
I want to kick David's balls hard

(sweet revenge!)

Based on Portugal 1966
Madalena Iglésias — Ele e ela

Liberally
Takes the bring-your-child-to-office work policy
Vivian upsets her colleagues, "ain't he adorbz"?
Boy hits a wrong switch, ejecting mum
From tenth floor
☠️

Alan prevailed
He's elected in, the far-right lobby availed
Doctors got deported with no cause overseas
Can't consult his tick bite and then died
Lyme disease
☠️

Saul shouts at waiters
Off-menu orders
"Sole meunière, faster!"
Sent plates back four times
Caught salmonella, was under-fried
☠️

Sophie felt safe when
Trans banned from toilets
Then on her way home
Predator caught her
Whom she considered as a real guy
☠️

Simon's okay
With how his foie gras's produced, enjoys his pâté
Liver has erupted after one hefty course
Overstuffed himself until he died
Fed by force
☠️

Bella is an
Influencer housewife of traditional ways
"Wash your house, make sure your man adores every dish"
Caught him buying pizza - angered, died
As I wished
☠️

Show no regret for Anton's misfortune
"World needs more babies", anti-abortion
Froze in a tent, now rent's overpriced
☠️

Nor for the next one, my flatmate Amber
Leaves no hot water, shower offender
I tried to tell her, heard no reply
Got legionella from the hot pipe
This one has made me most satisfied
☠️

Based on Finland 1975
Pihasoittajat — Old Man Fiddle

We were short on time
When we met this charming gent
We bet a dime
He came to make us spend
We nearly left, yet he convinced us
Our funds weren’t what he meant
He just fiddled while he spoke
The text he’d penned

[Fiddler starts foisting loads of toxic beliefs
on them to, well, *fiddle* with their minds]

First reaction wasn’t too great
His ideas looked like glaring bait
He’d cite all kinds of junk on fate
But we slowly got onboard
Felt inspired by faithful hordes
And Fiddler’s anthem struck a chord

So here’s our news: just had
This profound epiphany
Wondering why it’s safe to trust this guy?
Well, his forebears slid
The sage’s creed to him
He’s just conveying many aeons’ advice

[The prospects enter a loop of false promises]

He’ll name us both in future songs
If our faith’s firm and we commit
Serve in such devout commune
He shall grant us his esteem
When we’re both active on the scheme
And enlist the most recruits

Our peers are true good pals
Rest are clowns, our enemies
Wondering why we press all passers-by?
Well, our deity
Just wants all efforts in
Millions of preys would never really suffice

[The flooding of lies and myths continues, but the prospects
suddenly stop listening to try and think for themselves]

Did we let go of our reins?
Are we twits Fiddler would confound?
We need to find some sense on this
In fact, these doubts were just unbased
This new life here is what’s correct
Our saviour’s awesome, got our bliss

From here we’ll do just fine
With our chosen family
Wondering why we’ve let our blood ties die?
Well, our parents did
Suggest deprogramming
We’re bugged that they behave like we’re a device

[Final rush of wild delusions
until the brainwash is complete]

Based on Greece 2006
Anna Vissi — Everything

Now I feel my head aching,
as submissions soon close.
I got no ideas, or a place that I keep
lyrics, songs, half or full
not prepared, not close to done.

No verified AL.
No smart inside joke.
No fun stuff to say,
or cute list for you.
It’s what they call a writer’s block ☹
No automatic place
for the final show.
Wildcard please here.
Not a shoo-in Q.
Vowels to relate.
Soundalikes to fit.
Syllables to count.
No time, I am screwed…

I envision them saying:
“Lyric fit is not there.”
Esker goes………………….. *goes on for ages, but the gist is*
“Correct all that.”

*Author eagerly waits for other reviews, then gets depressed when they come*

“What does the author mean?”
“Find it kind of dull.”
“Maybe it’s their first.”
Pat me on the back!

The heavy hitters say:
“Nothing ready yet!”
Easily get 3,
and they’re all so good!

No wheelchair maid, to mistreat, oh.
No Sarah Bray to research for.
Condiments, not something I can write of.
Andy, give extra time,
faut du temps,
einsam Zeit.

Cause everything I write,
turns into a bore.
Stress of words is off.
Nothing rhymes with “Boo”
Every brain cell sweats,
ass and armpits too.
While I shed a tear,
got this rant for you.

Please don’t judge,
my clear incompetence

Based on Belgium 1985
Linda Lepomme — Laat me nu gaan

(Jacqueline finds a note on the kitchen table and reads it out)

“Light manure fun
Message me
Night or daytime
Phone for dung meet
You wouldn’t have to wait so long each meal

Rule out cooking
Fresh plate here
Lovely chocolate
Succulent haemorrhoids
That’s slightly warm but relieving and flavoured
I like mine savoured
I’ll leave the door open
Answering squanders time for poos...”

(she puts the note down)

Nauseated
Even says “Eager to pay”
Hardly hidden
The note is on the bloody table

I can’t speak now
No…
I can’t eat now
Catch him at it?
He must be riddled, a little E. coli?
Fooled from beginning
I gave him years
It must be nine.
Bastard… that bastard…

(teardrop falls on the note as Jacqueline glances sadly at wedding photo on mantlepiece)

Seething now, looking round: that’s mine, that can go…
Don’t linger long
Who knows where faecal matter fell here?
My posh frock is marked
That’s not… a polka dot?
The sofa’s out. It looked amazing but I… can’t quite tell… what’s that…

(Jacqueline stands at doorway, suitcase in hand, and wipes tears away)

Right that’s me done
Fate unspoken
Might need these on
Without my specs I’m blind…

(actual note...)

Based on Switzerland 1976
Peter, Sue and Marc — Djambo Djambo

My housemates say the dates I bring home are weird
“Wields scythe”, “has fleas”, “half Dutch”… perhaps they’re right
This new one though gives me a different feeling
He’d never try to scythe us in the night

Djambo is a self-employed musician
Pianist? Not quite… he plays a box
I don’t just chase djambo genitalia
I think he’s sweet… I’m not sure if he talks?

Hey, hey, hey… Peter, Marc… I know Djambo
I’ve looked deep in his soul
He does more than fill hole
Hey, hey, hey… Djambo’s great… not some psycho
This one won’t sell all our doors to pay for drugs

He sleeps in just a sock and tends to sleepwalk
His tongue’s been places NASA couldn’t reach
By day, he goes outside and grinds his organ
Often he plays music in between

Sun has no effect on his complexion
He seems so kind, I doubt he’d steal our hair
Don’t know his age… he feels smooth, like a lamprey
He won’t leave his bear traps on the stairs

Hey, hey, hey… sceptic gays… so judgemental
Ever since that one dud
Did that thing in our mugs
Hey, hey, hey… seen that face? He’s so gentle
You don’t know Djambo like I do, learn to trust

Hey, hey, hey… not again… where’d the doors go?!
There’s a fox in the tub
Djambo stole all our stuff
Hey, hey, hey… sorry, friends… what an arsehole
I’m a fool, completely lacking sense in love

I should call his twin Djiganto
He’s the one

Based on France 1960
Jacqueline Boyer — Tom Pillibi

Dom my colleague has yellow teeth – stinky breath, ugly clothing
Dom my colleague has odd physique – six fingers and no toes
Not quite the man you’d want to see – in your bed in the morning
Certainly not the man for me – at least that’s what I thought

Until I saw it – Dom ‘MSc’
For I once obtained that exact same degree
Intelligence is pornography
My eyes are set on – handsome Dom MSc

Dom my chérie has nerdy fads – Japanese hobby horsing
Dom my chérie loves obscure apps – MySpace, in Mandarin
A gal like me should suit him well – I like to read and wonder
A gal like me sure suits him well – I bet we will marry

Since I first saw it – Dom ‘MSc’
His brains have drawn him so much closer to me
The thought of playing crosswords ‘till 3
I pray he likes me – handsome Dom MSc

Dom fantasy makes me feel whole – role play and masochism
Dom fantasy makes me horny – anal, DIY porn
He’s what I want, he’s right for me – intellect lasts forever
He’s what I want, but what I see – hanky code, quel malheur

I keep on falling for the wrong guys
Men disappoint me, feelings not mutual
Though picture perfect, not meant to be
Turns out he prefers masculine to lady

Based on Albania 2025
Shkodra Elektronike — Zjerm

We are all plagued in this life by paranoia
Was so brutally thrusted upon us
From the moment we drew breath
The beginning till the death
Be a good girl
Or else you'll burn forever
Must be humble and kind
And moderated
Sloth, envy, pride, gluttony
Greed, wrath - overrated
Have some patience now, my dear
Be philanthropic, persevere
Don't chase the lust
Go for abstention

Take the Bible too li-te-ral-ly
Live a saltless life and then feel so holy
Amen? I don't think so
No light without shadow

The seven sins
The seven virtues
Were invented to control
Just a way
To get to heaven
Live eternally
But why should we even consider
This religious wicked ploy
So called eternal damnation
Smells like bullshit, shit, shit…

Hell
TikTok dancing, right wing expanding
You call on loud volume, with war all around you
Hell
Get some Botox and fill your lips
As you follow the scripts
The patriarchy gets your rights stripped
Hell
Life in plastic, all the fake drama
Evasive manoeuvres, rampant transphobia
Obey the rich
Hell
Det gör ont, hell is real
And we're here
People suck, and you know: life's a bitch

While you live your life in fear of later
You force your rules like you're some dictator
Go to hell? I'm there, babe
But I am not afraid

Committed sins
And practiced virtues
So what now, where do I go
My last breath
A new beginning
Sail across the sea
Will I be dancing with the devil
There's a thought that I enjoy
So called eternal damnation
Smells like bullshit, shit, shit…

Based on Switzerland 1987
Carol Rich — Moitié-moitié

The playground floor is full of rusty nails and broken glass
See-saw goes up, girl tumbles down, and now her head is smashed
Pissing with rain from above
Beneath, it’s flooded with blood
Drag her back to her feet – now her bro's stuck in the mud

Pourquoi I ever took this job? I must have been naïve
Right now I need to get these bastard twins home in one piece
No plan for dinner tonight
Might just have to improvise:
Toast a frozen baguette and give them some of my wine

Au pair, unstimulated
Not fair how much I hate it
Rich shits who employ never cease to annoy

Ma vie, it's far from parfait
Two brats causing me dismay
Every day, it goes wrong
I swear it isn't my fault

Went out again, this time the local spa with heated pool
Boy dived in nude: apparémment it's against all the rules
The lifeguard came to attend
I shoved him in the deep end
Zut alors, their parents were watching from the café!

Au pair, so underrated
No luck, gravely ill-fated
I'm under attack
...what do you mean I'm sacked?!

Quels cons, all self-importance
Just 'cause I killed their tortoise
Leave their château behind
Time to get on with my life

Next stop: Gare de Cornavin
What's that? Voices approaching
“Can we come too, please, ma jolie demoiselle?”

Brat twins, bored with their rich life
Want more action by my side
Turns out being a mess is better than being dull

Soon we'll start new adventures in another canton