Based on Italy 1992
Mia Martini — Rapsodia

So lonely in the big City
I walked into a bar
Was feeling rather airy
Like sleazy Baccara

I met a girl from Norway
She was so young and sweet
But I could only think that
I’d never be happy

“You’re going to score badly
At Eurofestival
You’ll never be encoring
Lack that je ne sais quoi”

It was a ploy for all to see
For real, I ended up destroyed and unfulfilled
Consistently I’d wonder why
Important men yelled “Diarrhoea!”
When I said hi

When could I enjoy my glory??
What would I have to do??
I started turning apeshit
Destroying all in view
Mimicking a crime scene, yeah
Hiding from me was needless
Lenses were pointed at me
It was the damn BBC

If people in my home country
Would see me in this bar
They’d think I just went crazy
Captured on camera

Then I felt coy, knew I excel
At asking bartenders to help me with my plans
And soon this boy, he did as instructed
He spiked the drink of the young girl from Norvegia

She was a drunk toy for all to laugh at
She was blamed for the lack of postcards… poor Anita :(

Based on Germany 2025
Abor & Tynna — Baller

(Travelleleleler.....)

My fellalalalala told me he has invented
A travelling machine that can go back in time
Warned me not to play with it
Cos it can change the world
First he will research the butterfly effect

My fellalalalala has to attend a conference
He's travelling to Wien, and staying overnight
Know I made him a promise
I wouldn't play, but well...
It's in his office, and I have been enticed

Surely one adventure cannot truly hurt
I switch on the machine and then climb inside
My boyfriend knows that I'm a Eurovision fan
He'll understand it, if I go back to '64

Type in 21st of March, and Tivolis Koncertsal
Now the machine starts to hum, and suddenly there I am
It seems the show's just begun
I sit and watch it entranced
I avoid the urge to bring back a tape

Time travelleleleleling is such fun, and
As I survey the world: everything's as it was
Not a thing has changed (I think)
It must be safe enough
Let's take another brief journey to the past

I selelelelelect a contest that's more recent
Fulfil a lifetime dream: see Sanna Nielsen live
But though I try I can't resist
To make a change (minor)
I find that stage door, and make sure it is shut

These kind of tiny fixes, surely can have no impact
There's so many little things, I can make better
So I go pick up Sofi Marinova's clip
On my return home: once more there's no effect

Let's see where else I can help: cue Bettina Soriat
Get Nina out of the fog, then intercept Jimmy Jump
Turn Lina's paper around, teach Manic Woman to clap
I am there to catch when Dana I falls

Joost's camererererawoman locked in the toilet
Keep Maruv from Crimea, stop Bizek Emi's trip
Rimmi Rimmi Ley is fixed
Teach Esma all lyrics
Karen Pálsdóttir: make sure she wasn't born

Time travelleleleler

Time travelleleleler

I travelelelelel back to the present
But something has gone wrong; the daytime sky is black
It looks like the apocalypse
My home has been destroyed
The time machine's gone
And I can't change it back

Disa-a-a-a-a-a-aster

Based on Switzerland 1992
Daisy Auvray — Mister Music Man

Based on Spain 2008
Rodolfo Chikilicuatre — Baila el chiki chiki

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

El Chiki Chiki was too long ago
I've found a new obsession, a contest full of song
Started in the 90s, twenty-four editions
All made by Hrvatska radio i televizija

With superstars like Teens, Josip Katalenić
And fringe pleather cowgirls - Anita Horvatić
A town by the seaside, the frequent location
It's got just everything that you could possibly imagine

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

20+ entries, neverending show
Hosting by D. Ćurlić and Mirko Fodor
Nearly living grandpas, songs by Srebrna krila
Scary goth sopranos (she calls herself Nikita)

You will see Nižetić, you might see Verson
Lots of Maja Šuput, sometimes she's in Joy
Dancing by Detour, and Banfić Ivana
Dancing with miss Badrić and Baby Lasagna

Come do the Dora
You do it así:

Uno: El put o raj
Dos: El hotel kvarner
Tres: El tonči huljić
Cuatro: El babylon

HEY

Lots of diacritics, lots of diacritics
A lot of Jacques Houdek, that's quite terrific
A sailor girl with gap teeth is shouting noah noah
A woman comes down on a swing

No more chiki chiki, more like čiki čiki
(It's probably written by Andrej Babić)
I love it when Tajana ad libs "Povedi me", cause
The notes aren't right, but they're there…

The '03 bop from Karma with bronchitis vocals
She harshly hissed at us "Ja te noćas ne dam"
Still it won the semi, then third on the night
But it's with pilot Dea that I wanna to fly
To fly, to fly, to fly

Let’s do the Dora
You do it like this:

Uno: El put o raj
Dos: El hotel kvarner
Tres: El tonči huljić
Cuatro: El babylon

HEY

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

In 1996 a near big disaster
Could have been the end of the show and Opatija
The pyro went phphlfph, the stage was one fire
But nothing could prevent reprising Maja Blagdan's anthem

Now do the Dora
You do it like this:

Jedan: El put o raj
Dva: El hotel kvarner
Tri: El tonči huljić
Četiri: El babylon

Jedan: El put o raj
Dva: El hotelkvarner
Tri: El tonči huljić
Četiri: El babylon…

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

...HEY

Based on Malta 2002
What Yami said — Seventh Wonder (live version)

7 degrees
In Tallinn I freeze
Longing for the plane to get me out of this hell

But passport guy
He won't let me by
Giving me the eye - You want my CD signed?

The passengers in the queue start to stir
"Yes, it's her!" - hear their sighs:
"The highlight of our lives"

Scan again! Come on, man
Do you not know who I am?
If your records are slow
You can Google me, you know

Check the magazines, messageboards, my six ex-lovers

Search I R A and you get...

...Irish bombers

Ooo... Ooo... Ooo... Ooo... Ooo... Ooo… Ooo…
Oooooops

Surely, you see, terror's not me
The land of Terry Wogan?! That's gotta be myth

Starting to think they'll ask me to strip
Shed my draughty lacey clothes? Can’t they spy through the holes?

The common folk will confirm I'm no joke
For the flight, I'm no risk
There's no need for a frisk!

Do it here? Watcha mean?
I'd prefer behind a screen
Why the 6 pairs of hands
Have you got some naughty plans?

What's with all the probes, periscopes, long gloves of rubber?

And who’s this lady halfway up my vulva?

Now seven creeps are copping a feel
Soon they'll reach my most secret of cavities

You wanna see?

* She lets her pants fall off, impressing the crowd *

I admit for a fact
I store glitter up my twat
It's the latest of trends
Brings vaginal dividends

(Wow, that's magical!) Vagical!
(Can it heal muffs torn asunder?)

It's meant to calm internal winds and thunder

* * * Massive fanny fart spraying everyone with glitter * * *

Unforeseen pussy storm
I've unleashed a glitter bomb!
Took us all by surprise
Shooting sparkles in your eyes

With a glitterous clitoris, fully vajazzled
There's no mistaking I can be none other

(Now we recognise that shimmering gash!)

Queen of crotch-glow

(Who needs passports when she'll give you a flash!)

Ira Losco

Based on Latvia 2004
Fomins & Kleins — Dziesma par laimi

At age 59, I swapped out my wife
For someone much younger with big bouncy breasts
If you’re nouveau-riche, refuse to get hitched
Cos she’ll seek a prenup and then up and leave you

So she got her fingers on shitloads of stuff
Just shy of five million and both my sports cars
It’s crazy how much you are willing to lose
When you’re old and she’s 22

No car and back to square one
All thanks to my trophy wife
She saw me coming
Unloved and underendowed
I didn’t know what to do
Penis enlargement or two?

But once those were done and led to no fun
I thought I could do with some work on my face
What else did I need? Maybe pin back my ears
And transplant my hairline, all done at the same time

A quick bit of Googling erased any doubts
I can’t wait to see how the whole thing turns out
It’s crazy how finally, at 62
I’m set to recapture my youth!

Goodbye sad old droopy eyes
And hello new firmer mouth!
I’ll look like Biden!
Come on, let’s do this thing, doc!
Count backwards? Sure! Ten, nine, eight
Seven, six, five, four, three, twooooooooo

As he comes around and the pain makes itself known, he wails:
Ayyyyy-owwww!

He soon tries to talk, but all that comes out at first is vaguely speech-like sounds:
Ungh-ugh, ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh, ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh

When he can form words, they’re heavily affected by his surgery:
Okay, I can’t feel my face.
I don’t think my eyes can move.
Skin sure is tighter.
No way I’ll talk much today.
My mouth feels all stretched and fused...
S’pose that it should.
Must mean it turned out real good!

Based on Germany 1992
Wind — Träume sind für alle da

EXCLUSIF! After the dramatic events at Eurovision 2024, Blick can now reveal that a previous edition held in Malmö was similarly covered in controversy. 32 years later, for the first time, and only here, the German participants tell their story.

Siegel was the worst of them all, offering cocaine
We would all be high and puking before the song from Spain
As Björkman and Michael Ball next door made sure all drinks were spiked
We saw more things that were not right

Points did not matter at all
All had travelled on a quest involving fornication
Organs burning to the max
Hell is soul-destroying but Malmö raised the bar

Kali slept with Cleopatra, then licked Kenny Lübcke - vile!
Aylin spurned by Serafín, though she cracked him her smile
Heart 2 Heart thought they were on home soil with all their sex appeal
Mia Martini’s boytoy was quite cruel

Courses led by Lydia:
"Why is everyone still dressed? We’re not here to go sleighing!"
Morgane fisted by Harald
Mary felt arousal but found a Little Child

Even Dina could get laid; silly Linda wondered why
Marion destroyed all of Kontinent’s spines

Sources say that Carola (made out with Extra Nena)
Wowed and ended Mr. Naeff, avoiding litigation
Forces caused counterattacks (as there was no going back)
Wench became dumbfounded; Merethe mocked it all

Based on Greece 1996
Marianna Efstratiou — Emeis forame to himona anixiatika

<<knock knock>>

*annoyed*

*JACKHAMMER*

I'm sick of all those neighbours who
Just want a chat and step into
My house, have they got nothing else to do?

It has been far long overdue
For Residence Efstratiou
To break off from the rest of Zografou

So I began to excavate
All round the house I dwell in
To thoroughly eliminate
Unwanted guests and karens

Is this extreme preventive measure a bit radical?
I ask while shovelling up gravel, silt and silica
A blissful private penetralia
Would be practical; if not amical

I'm scooping way below the roots
At depth well over forty foot
A zap! Cut off the neighbour's power, oops

When rain comes, this will be a moat
Can only reach me with a boat
Come near, my crocodile will snap your throat

I'll call upon the government
Asking a state secession
If monks of Athos got consent
Why can't I have my nation?

Domestic entity of type geopolitical
The renovated bathroom upstairs is the capital
With me for ruler (ceremonial)
Like the Vatican, within Attica

I miss the ease of stepping for essentials with my car
Can't even bring across food items with a shopping cart
Will have to order them all online
Pay by debit card, or by credit card

Based on Greece 2005
Elena Paparizou — My Number One

Awesome wonders
Flood my cupboards
Years of rescued crap from Eurovision dumpsters

Paola slippers
Senhit stickers
Nearly mint, one skidmark only, Lindfors’ knickers

Eamonn’s mullet
Fanny magnet
Best of Scooch cassette, the black box still protects it

Kathy Kirby
Taxidermied
I hate my collection and I need an exit

Please buy my trunk
Of old Antique junk
Just don’t tell Nikos I flogged his scraps

I sell his stuff
He gets in a huff
Can’t move for bouzoukis crapping up my loft

ABBA’s AGA
Blas piñata
“You’re my number two” card that I made for Chiara :(

[Fiddling in drawers]

Lordi’s bible
Massiel’s bridle
N’evergreen’s, until it rolled off, one glass eyeball

Prop AIDS ribbon
Mitt Liv mitten
Gagnamagnið masks, original condition

Roman beanie
Sheer bikini
Someone binned this urn, it smells like Ulla Wiesner

France Gall lolly
Blow-up Zoli
Alma Čardžić light, it turns into Katrina

Please buy this crud
It’s too rare to chuck
Can’t bin a Bob Benny bobblehead

New auction up
Hope fights won’t erupt
For the Kesslers’ nudes, they were shot just last month

Suntribe mufflers
Brokken rubbers
From that dodgy batch where Douwe Bob bought hundreds

[Lots happening]

Wow, what a fudge
This shite wouldn’t budge
Only Kovač bid for Kempers’ pants

Barely a crumb
For Smolova’s mum
Decades of collecting and it’s all worth bum

Guess I’ll shuffle
My junk jungle
Back up to the attic till the ceilings buckle