Based on Albania 2006
Luiz Ejlli — Zjarr e ftohtë
[Dial-up internet sounds while Luiz gums some plums]
Shaped like saveloy
Sent to the furthest reaches
But... here in Sukth
Shipping sucks
Need that slender pole
For many moons I seek it
Where's
That mighty mushroomoid?
Why did I trust that pop-up?
Claimed it would come soon
Sailing through customs checks they swore
But then came bleeding Brexit! Gets me so annoyed
My package stuck in Twatt – can’t take much more!
I need a little prick, that is all
You'd never need a big one
Any knock at the door
You should see the speed I run at
Waiting for <cough> <cough> cure
But for months they’ve not delivered
Wait – that car’s new... is it possible that’s them?!?!
(Tappy, tappy, we should ring his bell)
(Tinkle, tinkle, oh... ding dong)
(Our friend in the clouds says that you’ll burn in Hell!!!)
(Unless you love Jesus... and Måns Zelmerlöw)
Didn’t order god
God knows there's no such thing as Måns
So please... get lost
You've dashed my hopes with Jesus
That’s not what I want!
Unless he’s got a big Johnson
...and Johnson ready for me
Shoot me with that load!
But since you’re preachers, I should shut the door
I need a rigid poke... in my arm
I’d take one up the pooper!
Been alone for so long
Intercoursing with my Roomba
Stood before two big clots
Maybe beggars can’t be choosers...
<Sigh>, come on through
Guess 5 minutes I can spare...
[Homoerotic conversion montage]
[JWs show Luiz their Watchtowers]
Arousing undertones (haah... ooh haah...)
Of the tomes (haah... ooh haah! ooh...)
Left me blown (He’s engorged with the lord!)
...Away
But who’s at the door again?!
Weekly shop, still no shot (vegetables)
Soon in my mouth, cucumbers
Please unload all you’ve got
I’m also a huge gourd guzzler
Out of stock?! What a shock (terrible!)
But there’s been a substitution
Veggies removed, swapped for dildos
Like I prayed!