Bogus Sunscreen

Based on Ukraine 2006 [NF Version]

6AM, Aldergrove
Bottles of prosecco
Drinking is uncontrolled

Summer in Spain, girls week in Santa Ponsa
Live the high life, flash boys from Trim
Friday from eight, we’ll have an all-night bender
You can be sure, we’ll get some peen

Fourth floor, try to unpack
Shared bathroom smells like cack
Dream of a fit boy’s sack
We attack!

Sun lounger wars
German towels cast asunder
We are Norn Iron
Red head and mean

Screams from next door
What the hell’s bothering her
That dozy whore
Brought no sunscreen

Don’t worry Maeve. Flirt with those horny blokes there
Forget the store, they’ll lend you cream
I told you have faith, fine it’s not Ambre Solaire
But you’ve procured, factor fifteen

(Gets finger stuck while adjusting sun lounger)

(Girls start playing pool volleyball with boys from Trim)

(Mild heatstroke hallucinations)

Shit the bed Maeve, those blokes have done you over
You’ve decomposed, skin looks like veal
So red – it’s grave! Clear you’re natural ginger
You’ve used obscure bogus sunscreen

Don’t worry babe, we’ll get some aloe vera
Tone down your light purple-ish sheen
Oh! Vitamin K might fix you good and proper
We’ll find a cure, amphetamines?

Just find me a guy, who is into tan lines!

Burn to go brown
You made a nasty blunder
Wrinkles are rife
Begin to peel

Trim boys were gay
Germans were really Dutchmen
Shite week abroad
Down the pan, this goddam, bogus sunscreen