Based on Belgium 1985
Linda Lepomme — Laat me nu gaan

(Jacqueline finds a note on the kitchen table and reads it out)

“Light manure fun
Message me
Night or daytime
Phone for dung meet
You wouldn’t have to wait so long each meal

Rule out cooking
Fresh plate here
Lovely chocolate
Succulent haemorrhoids
That’s slightly warm but relieving and flavoured
I like mine savoured
I’ll leave the door open
Answering squanders time for poos...”

(she puts the note down)

Nauseated
Even says “Eager to pay”
Hardly hidden
The note is on the bloody table

I can’t speak now
No…
I can’t eat now
Catch him at it?
He must be riddled, a little E. coli?
Fooled from beginning
I gave him years
It must be nine.
Bastard… that bastard…

(teardrop falls on the note as Jacqueline glances sadly at wedding photo on mantlepiece)

Seething now, looking round: that’s mine, that can go…
Don’t linger long
Who knows where faecal matter fell here?
My posh frock is marked
That’s not… a polka dot?
The sofa’s out. It looked amazing but I… can’t quite tell… what’s that…

(Jacqueline stands at doorway, suitcase in hand, and wipes tears away)

Right that’s me done
Fate unspoken
Might need these on
Without my specs I’m blind…

(actual note...)

Based on Switzerland 1976
Peter, Sue and Marc — Djambo Djambo

My housemates say the dates I bring home are weird
“Wields scythe”, “has fleas”, “half Dutch”… perhaps they’re right
This new one though gives me a different feeling
He’d never try to scythe us in the night

Djambo is a self-employed musician
Pianist? Not quite… he plays a box
I don’t just chase djambo genitalia
I think he’s sweet… I’m not sure if he talks?

Hey, hey, hey… Peter, Marc… I know Djambo
I’ve looked deep in his soul
He does more than fill hole
Hey, hey, hey… Djambo’s great… not some psycho
This one won’t sell all our doors to pay for drugs

He sleeps in just a sock and tends to sleepwalk
His tongue’s been places NASA couldn’t reach
By day, he goes outside and grinds his organ
Often he plays music in between

Sun has no effect on his complexion
He seems so kind, I doubt he’d steal our hair
Don’t know his age… he feels smooth, like a lamprey
He won’t leave his bear traps on the stairs

Hey, hey, hey… sceptic gays… so judgemental
Ever since that one dud
Did that thing in our mugs
Hey, hey, hey… seen that face? He’s so gentle
You don’t know Djambo like I do, learn to trust

Hey, hey, hey… not again… where’d the doors go?!
There’s a fox in the tub
Djambo stole all our stuff
Hey, hey, hey… sorry, friends… what an arsehole
I’m a fool, completely lacking sense in love

I should call his twin Djiganto
He’s the one

Based on France 1960
Jacqueline Boyer — Tom Pillibi

Dom my colleague has yellow teeth – stinky breath, ugly clothing
Dom my colleague has odd physique – six fingers and no toes
Not quite the man you’d want to see – in your bed in the morning
Certainly not the man for me – at least that’s what I thought

Until I saw it – Dom ‘MSc’
For I once obtained that exact same degree
Intelligence is pornography
My eyes are set on – handsome Dom MSc

Dom my chérie has nerdy fads – Japanese hobby horsing
Dom my chérie loves obscure apps – MySpace, in Mandarin
A gal like me should suit him well – I like to read and wonder
A gal like me sure suits him well – I bet we will marry

Since I first saw it – Dom ‘MSc’
His brains have drawn him so much closer to me
The thought of playing crosswords ‘till 3
I pray he likes me – handsome Dom MSc

Dom fantasy makes me feel whole – role play and masochism
Dom fantasy makes me horny – anal, DIY porn
He’s what I want, he’s right for me – intellect lasts forever
He’s what I want, but what I see – hanky code, quel malheur

I keep on falling for the wrong guys
Men disappoint me, feelings not mutual
Though picture perfect, not meant to be
Turns out he prefers masculine to lady

Based on Albania 2025
Shkodra Elektronike — Zjerm

We are all plagued in this life by paranoia
Was so brutally thrusted upon us
From the moment we drew breath
The beginning till the death
Be a good girl
Or else you'll burn forever
Must be humble and kind
And moderated
Sloth, envy, pride, gluttony
Greed, wrath - overrated
Have some patience now, my dear
Be philanthropic, persevere
Don't chase the lust
Go for abstention

Take the Bible too li-te-ral-ly
Live a saltless life and then feel so holy
Amen? I don't think so
No light without shadow

The seven sins
The seven virtues
Were invented to control
Just a way
To get to heaven
Live eternally
But why should we even consider
This religious wicked ploy
So called eternal damnation
Smells like bullshit, shit, shit…

Hell
TikTok dancing, right wing expanding
You call on loud volume, with war all around you
Hell
Get some Botox and fill your lips
As you follow the scripts
The patriarchy gets your rights stripped
Hell
Life in plastic, all the fake drama
Evasive manoeuvres, rampant transphobia
Obey the rich
Hell
Det gör ont, hell is real
And we're here
People suck, and you know: life's a bitch

While you live your life in fear of later
You force your rules like you're some dictator
Go to hell? I'm there, babe
But I am not afraid

Committed sins
And practiced virtues
So what now, where do I go
My last breath
A new beginning
Sail across the sea
Will I be dancing with the devil
There's a thought that I enjoy
So called eternal damnation
Smells like bullshit, shit, shit…

Based on Switzerland 1987
Carol Rich — Moitié-moitié

The playground floor is full of rusty nails and broken glass
See-saw goes up, girl tumbles down, and now her head is smashed
Pissing with rain from above
Beneath, it’s flooded with blood
Drag her back to her feet – now her bro's stuck in the mud

Pourquoi I ever took this job? I must have been naïve
Right now I need to get these bastard twins home in one piece
No plan for dinner tonight
Might just have to improvise:
Toast a frozen baguette and give them some of my wine

Au pair, unstimulated
Not fair how much I hate it
Rich shits who employ never cease to annoy

Ma vie, it's far from parfait
Two brats causing me dismay
Every day, it goes wrong
I swear it isn't my fault

Went out again, this time the local spa with heated pool
Boy dived in nude: apparémment it's against all the rules
The lifeguard came to attend
I shoved him in the deep end
Zut alors, their parents were watching from the café!

Au pair, so underrated
No luck, gravely ill-fated
I'm under attack
...what do you mean I'm sacked?!

Quels cons, all self-importance
Just 'cause I killed their tortoise
Leave their château behind
Time to get on with my life

Next stop: Gare de Cornavin
What's that? Voices approaching
“Can we come too, please, ma jolie demoiselle?”

Brat twins, bored with their rich life
Want more action by my side
Turns out being a mess is better than being dull

Soon we'll start new adventures in another canton

Based on Italy 1992
Mia Martini — Rapsodia

So lonely in the big City
I walked into a bar
Was feeling rather airy
Like sleazy Baccara

I met a girl from Norway
She was so young and sweet
But I could only think that
I’d never be happy

“You’re going to score badly
At Eurofestival
You’ll never be encoring
Lack that je ne sais quoi”

It was a ploy for all to see
For real, I ended up destroyed and unfulfilled
Consistently I’d wonder why
Important men yelled “Diarrhoea!”
When I said hi

When could I enjoy my glory??
What would I have to do??
I started turning apeshit
Destroying all in view
Mimicking a crime scene, yeah
Hiding from me was needless
Lenses were pointed at me
It was the damn BBC

If people in my home country
Would see me in this bar
They’d think I just went crazy
Captured on camera

Then I felt coy, knew I excel
At asking bartenders to help me with my plans
And soon this boy, he did as instructed
He spiked the drink of the young girl from Norvegia

She was a drunk toy for all to laugh at
She was blamed for the lack of postcards… poor Anita :(

Based on Germany 2025
Abor & Tynna — Baller

(Travelleleleler.....)

My fellalalalala told me he has invented
A travelling machine that can go back in time
Warned me not to play with it
Cos it can change the world
First he will research the butterfly effect

My fellalalalala has to attend a conference
He's travelling to Wien, and staying overnight
Know I made him a promise
I wouldn't play, but well...
It's in his office, and I have been enticed

Surely one adventure cannot truly hurt
I switch on the machine and then climb inside
My boyfriend knows that I'm a Eurovision fan
He'll understand it, if I go back to '64

Type in 21st of March, and Tivolis Koncertsal
Now the machine starts to hum, and suddenly there I am
It seems the show's just begun
I sit and watch it entranced
I avoid the urge to bring back a tape

Time travelleleleleling is such fun, and
As I survey the world: everything's as it was
Not a thing has changed (I think)
It must be safe enough
Let's take another brief journey to the past

I selelelelelect a contest that's more recent
Fulfil a lifetime dream: see Sanna Nielsen live
But though I try I can't resist
To make a change (minor)
I find that stage door, and make sure it is shut

These kind of tiny fixes, surely can have no impact
There's so many little things, I can make better
So I go pick up Sofi Marinova's clip
On my return home: once more there's no effect

Let's see where else I can help: cue Bettina Soriat
Get Nina out of the fog, then intercept Jimmy Jump
Turn Lina's paper around, teach Manic Woman to clap
I am there to catch when Dana I falls

Joost's camererererawoman locked in the toilet
Keep Maruv from Crimea, stop Bizek Emi's trip
Rimmi Rimmi Ley is fixed
Teach Esma all lyrics
Karen Pálsdóttir: make sure she wasn't born

Time travelleleleler

Time travelleleleler

I travelelelelel back to the present
But something has gone wrong; the daytime sky is black
It looks like the apocalypse
My home has been destroyed
The time machine's gone
And I can't change it back

Disa-a-a-a-a-a-aster

Based on Switzerland 1992
Daisy Auvray — Mister Music Man

Based on Spain 2008
Rodolfo Chikilicuatre — Baila el chiki chiki

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

El Chiki Chiki was too long ago
I've found a new obsession, a contest full of song
Started in the 90s, twenty-four editions
All made by Hrvatska radio i televizija

With superstars like Teens, Josip Katalenić
And fringe pleather cowgirls - Anita Horvatić
A town by the seaside, the frequent location
It's got just everything that you could possibly imagine

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

20+ entries, neverending show
Hosting by D. Ćurlić and Mirko Fodor
Nearly living grandpas, songs by Srebrna krila
Scary goth sopranos (she calls herself Nikita)

You will see Nižetić, you might see Verson
Lots of Maja Šuput, sometimes she's in Joy
Dancing by Detour, and Banfić Ivana
Dancing with miss Badrić and Baby Lasagna

Come do the Dora
You do it así:

Uno: El put o raj
Dos: El hotel kvarner
Tres: El tonči huljić
Cuatro: El babylon

HEY

Lots of diacritics, lots of diacritics
A lot of Jacques Houdek, that's quite terrific
A sailor girl with gap teeth is shouting noah noah
A woman comes down on a swing

No more chiki chiki, more like čiki čiki
(It's probably written by Andrej Babić)
I love it when Tajana ad libs "Povedi me", cause
The notes aren't right, but they're there…

The '03 bop from Karma with bronchitis vocals
She harshly hissed at us "Ja te noćas ne dam"
Still it won the semi, then third on the night
But it's with pilot Dea that I wanna to fly
To fly, to fly, to fly

Let’s do the Dora
You do it like this:

Uno: El put o raj
Dos: El hotel kvarner
Tres: El tonči huljić
Cuatro: El babylon

HEY

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

In 1996 a near big disaster
Could have been the end of the show and Opatija
The pyro went phphlfph, the stage was one fire
But nothing could prevent reprising Maja Blagdan's anthem

Now do the Dora
You do it like this:

Jedan: El put o raj
Dva: El hotel kvarner
Tri: El tonči huljić
Četiri: El babylon

Jedan: El put o raj
Dva: El hotelkvarner
Tri: El tonči huljić
Četiri: El babylon…

¡Minea! ¡Minea!

...HEY