Based on Serbia 2021
Hurricane — Loco Loco
Author’s note: This AL belongs to the same universe as: The Condiment Girls (ALC 2023). If for some unimaginable reason you are not familiar with it, you are strongly advised to do so before trying to keep up with this.
(Stirring things up, a formation from the Balkans…)
(Don’t go closer!)
(Fatal showdown: Sauerkraut, Ketchup n’ Mayo)
You should prepare yourselves!
(Oh no!)
Older, fewer, taller, not so creepy.
We’ll be stealing the crown of Balkan novelty acts.
In concern of our name, don’t you hurry.
We paid agents to search the market absence.
No more boring sauces.
Erase condiments all over:
OMEGA 3, we’ll make you see that we’re sharks of trash pop!
Big triple threat in the fish can bands area.
Agent is Sam Salmon.
Our identities
will keep you hooked like fish.
Pun intended, Sauerkraut’s a bozo.
D’you think Ketchup’s hair is real?
Dyes it with real pig blood,
she drinks some nom-nom.
That ugly cow Hot Sauce,
she went bonkers with our agent Salmon!
(And flashed a hobo!)
(uh-oh-oh-oh)
Sonja’s my formal name, call me Tuna.
Cause wherever I go, I’ll be stealing the show.
Sardi short for sardine, eat all of me.
Vitamin packed D, E, B and slightly chewy.
Ancho from anchovy,
cause I smell like bad baloney.
Names done, bigger fish to fry kick sorry condiment ass!
No more trash talk, we will settle this for real.
Big fish in a small pond,
booked a brawl with them,
right after their big tour,
which was something called the Ohrid BurgFest.
We’re in battleground Pristina.
But they don’t know we paid
secret informant,
Sour Cream hates their guts.
Gonna use it all to our advantage!
(All their weak spots.)
ONE, TWO, GIRLS COME ON!
(Hair extensions)
(High heel boots on)
(Lip enlargements)
(Tuna kicks at Mayo’s bad knee...)
Thinking they’re perfect together,
stopped before they even got started!
Sardi fights Ketchup n’ Hot Sauce.
Ketchup has haemorrhoids,
will have surgery.
Hot Sauce is partly blind.
Sardi stops cause fish goes well with sauces.
Ancho barfs on Sauerkraut.
She sees the others hug,
helps her clean it up.
All seven now group form,
brainstorm names that they can be called…
(Fish n’ sauces?)