Based on Finland 2010
Kuunkuiskaajat — Työlki ellää

Greetings to all readers, thanks so much for joining
We can only tell our story every now and then
Billions wonder and we know that rumours are widespread
We’d like to take this chance to put some things to bed

We are killers
Why? We like it! It’s easy to do
You might be wary, but you can do it too

We’ll show you
Buy a knife and just a bit of glue
That is all you need to end someone for good

One piece of advice on how to get the job done
Make sure to wear sweatpants, they’re so easy to slip on
Surely now you’re curious who we’ve pushed off the brink
Listen as we’ll tell but know we’re older than you think

We murdered
Franz Ferdinand and Tupac Shakur
Lee Harvey Oswald; before JFK too

But also
Lord Mountbatten, IRA fell through
We have no morals, butchered Desmond Tutu

* Happy murder music *

Those who think we’re too far, we warn them: please dream on
We slay and massacre from Qingdao to Oregon
No matter if you are fragile or out on the line
We will smash your skull or maybe stab you in the spine

To do list:

  • Dye our hair black
  • Get nice new gym shoes
  • Improve our rope work
  • Learn how to kill with glue

To kill list:

  • Miley Cyrus
  • Loreen Talhaoui
  • Donald Trump, Jr.
  • Camilla, Queen consort

Sometimes victims object their coming death and pain
That is when we gag them as to muffle all complaints
Seeing the dispair and desperation in their eyes
Adds to that great feeling right before our subject dies

We love torture
Dying’s nice but suffering is too
If this well dries up, new source of revenue

No questions
Privacy’s what we strongly value
This is our business so you can’t have a clue

Thank you for
Siding with us and our point of view
Though please beware our next victim could be you!

(Author note: curious to know what salamurhaajat means? Let’s find out.)