Based on Spain 1990
Azúcar Moreno — Bandido
“Gays, girls and Eurofans
Sit down and switch on your television sets
Get ready, a brand new season’s about to drop on Netflix!”
*the trailer begins, but of course it’s for a completely different show than the one you wanted, and the volume is really unexpectedly loud, so you drop your popcorn and waste precious seconds scrolling and scrolling until you throw the remote control across the room in frustration*
*retrieve remote control, dust it to remove popcorn, and select “Eurovision Black Mirror”*
Kinetic sun turns rogue, it falls on I.M.P.
Are engineers to blame? No, it’s Chat GPT
Perhaps some evil corp decides to clone Chanel
These are the kinds of stories we tell
*click on Skip Intro*
The show’s called Black Mirror, it’s been on the streaming for ages
Not seen it? For fuck’s sake, why not?
You’re lucky, as here’s a bit more instrumental
that should give you time now to binge-watch the lot.
*everybody paces up and down the room waiting for you to catch up with all previous episodes of Black Mirror so we can continue with the AL, but rest assured we are all totally making faces and tsking, no it’s fine, really, we’ll wait*
You get the main idea, it’s rather bleak and sad
“Technological future goes bad!”
*click on Skip Intro*
This season, the theme’s “Eurovision” with stories of
staging and artists and morals gone wrong.
Sam Ryder in space but it’s all simulation,
asleep in his bath, VR headset still on.
*lots of clicking sounds due to pausing and rewinding during each episode to try and work out what’s going on*
*general agreement that no-one knows what’s going on*
Subwoolfer’s Keith and Jim invent a Grandma app
and maybe Zdob și Zdub are chased along the tracks
by robot Rosa Linn programmed to shoot them dead?
Each episode will mess with your head.
*click yes to the prompt “Are you still watching “Eurovision Black Mirror”?*
Konstrakta’s compulsion with hand washing
causes appalling destruction all over the Earth.
Concealed in her soap, she breeds nanobot spy germs
that colonise planets and feed on our dirt.
We plan to do more shows, so how about “Eesti Laul Narcos”
or “Benidorm Fest Game of Thrones”?
For now, Eurovision Black Mirror might tempt you, enjoy
and please send us ideas of your own.