Don’t? Don’t You Want Me?

Based on Austria 1999
Bobbie Singer — Reflection

Don’t get sad, I’m your constant companion
Aren’t you glad to once again see me?
Now I’m back, can’t you feel our love blossoming?
It’s a sign you remember our fun

Always we’d be together
I would go everywhere with you
Even in the rooms that you’d go to pee
Such good times in that cocktail bar loo!

But don’t you recognise me?
Oh… I’m the itch you can’t quite reach
The infection in your pants
Your genital S.T.I.

It’s been a long time since your hymen
And your labia minora too
Could I find a much better place? No!
I’d rather be with than without you

Day and night together
I’ve wrapped myself around your fallopians
I’m cervix diving deeper and deeper
Don’t ever think to doubt my devotion

And when you’re menstruating
Oh… What a flood of love for me!
Your affectionate S.T.I. (I love you)

Your vajayjay… my oh my!
I applaud your vulvarine (Clap! Clap! Clap!)
(So cosy!)

(Mesmerised) (I love you)

Where we going you and I?

(The local pharmacy!)

You’ll be sorry – change your mind

No, don’t use that pessary-y
Or the antibiotics please
Says your loving S.T.I.

[inserts pessary]

OK I’ll apologise (Oh baby)
I now know it was unwise
Showing up with U.T.I. (I’m sorry)

[takes antibiotics]

(You don’t want me? Oh-Oh-Oh)
(Goodbye now)

See you soon, love S.T.I.

ALC Doctor: “Well, AL, you’ve been horribly infected by additional syllables and stress mismatches. Prognosis? May God have mercy on your Soul.”