Rotterdam or Anywhere, Except Maastricht

Based on Belarus 2019
ZENA — Like It

I see they’ve added up all the phone votes
Duncan the Dutch man won
Beat Europe's musicians
(Tamta was one)
No non-Greeks voted for that song

Arcade musically ain’t the worst
The Dutch fans are no longer accursed
Seems men there are taller
(Duncan’s 6”1)
But not made for HD

Where will we next duel?
Somewhere remote – Arnhem?
Heard Utrecht is cool
Or maybe Leeuwarden
Delft would be fine too
Or even Urk
I’ll go anyhow
Please clarify

Think it might be Maastricht
Yes, I heard it’s Maastricht
(In Limburg’s bumhole)

Yes, it’ll be Maastricht
Definitely Maastricht
Don’t wanna go!

Who came up with Maastricht?
Seriously Maastricht?
(Cesspool on the Meuse)

How can it be Maastricht?
I can’t cope with Maastricht
Jon Ola I refuse

This seems shady, a logistics crime
Did they rank the bidboeks upside down?
Do they have an arena?
Dilapidated cow barn

No. Foul play must have let this come about
And Vrijthof Square is an eyesore
You say there’s an airport
(Just Ryanair)
I’d rather pull my teeth

Boo, hotels are full
Airbnb, brother
Seems they’re overbooked
Then seek lonely farmers

Nightlife is subdued
Climb Vaalserberg?
It’s just a bump - No.

Venue is a tad shit
Hardly any fans fit
(It's Queue-It high noon)

Day trip out to Luik then
Preferably Aachen
I hate Walloons

Check out the gay district
Riddled with ex-convicts
(With ghastly hair-dos)

Things come into focus
Fanzone plans: atrocious
I can’t stand André Rieu!

It’s ninety-six miles from the sea
The River Maas, it stinks of wee
This might as well be La Belgique

Please just anywhere else

Ahoy would be best

Only an hour from Schiphol

The nightlife’s adequate

Oh, Maastricht just will not do

Need some way to stop this
Listing out the options
(Judicial review?)

Think I'm gonna like this
Eurovision cancelled
Things start anew

Somewhere new to host it
Don’t ask Penn-te Strake
‘Cause she won’t refuse

Just say no to Maastricht
Anywhere else: perfect
Rotterdam? I approve!