My Swiss Girlfriend

Based on France 2019
Bilal Hassani — Roi

Met a miss
Stunning blonde with two gorgeous tits
And it seems that she likes me, a bliss!
But there’s one little problem: she’s Swiss
For a Swiss
Obsessed with neutrality
Life in every regard has to be
Completely split equally

She asked me on a date, Japanese barbecue
I had salad rolls; she – their finest fugu
Then she had champagne
Yet my bill share had to be half
This is a nightmare

Aaargh! I don’t wish this on anyone
I work nights to keep debt down
She has never worked hard, not once
Billion Franc heiress fribourgeoise
She won’t flinch from demanding rights
On half of my beauty mark
For equality’s paramount

Have a vlog of my own
Where I talk goss and vogue
More than two thousand fans
Tune to watch some Bilal, but
Tutoring’s done
When she sees it’s half-time
She breaks in, talks about
Emmentaler and mooing cows

I’ve a wig
Without which I just cannot sing
And it’s almost time for my gig
It’s not there, means she took it, I think
Why did she?
Just because it’s ‘hers’ four days a week?
Has no thick darkish curls to conceal
This craziness cannot last
Why do I keep her?

That old witch just had half my pint
“We came to a middle ground”
And she doesn’t like beer, so why?
Can’t be worse than this if she tried
Carol Rich is a parasite
Her cruel fifty-fifty count
Is depriving my civil rights

Yet the hoggish Carol
Still has all of her gold
She’d refuse to divide
Her rule does not apply, but
Soon day will come
I’ll receive half her sum
Her great wealth will succumb
There’s a way I can take her down
And this is how: (how?)
I will ask her to be my wife