Based on United Kingdom 1970
Mary Hopkin — Knock, Knock, Who's There?
© 1980 Johnny Logan and Mary Hopkin under license from Robert Palmer © ™ ®
* Based on actual events
* Possibly offensive to almost everyone, proceed with caution.
“Mary sweets, please let me in cos I just found your smelly panties on the bus floor”
“Fuck you Johnny, I’m wearing them right n…oops…they must have fallen off…forget it because I am…
Knocked up…again!
How could this even happen?
Did you have the Vaskt Shest Toh Me?”
“Mary…I did! Went to the downtown clinic
and had the Tonshi Telc Toh me!”
“I’m with child, and for the 13th time, I haven’t touched a dick at least since Sunday!”
“Oh My God, let’s call the Pope in Rome, it’s what Those Churches call
Emasculate Contraption!”
“Dafuq is that??”
“It’s when a Spirit fucks you”
“What Spirit, where and when and how?”
“Don’t really know, I think its name is Holly or it might be a Friendly Ghost”
“Wait a sec, I’m having many cramps
oh no I think I’m gonna Miss The Carriage!
Now I know how the panties got lost
a hot jock took them off so he could fuck me”
“You cheap whore!”
“Who did you just call cheap?
I’m an expensive drunk
but you pop pills like Tic Tacs!!!”
“Mary…you’re right
we have to face our dictions”
“Oh Johnny, additions! We have tons”
“Rehab…it’s time!
but first let’s have a party”
“You get some oxy and I’ll bring wine…
…and…
…take off your clothes and cum inside”
*I didn’t mean to offend anyone, seriously. To prove it, here’s the inspiration for the song: Robert Palmer’s “Johnny and Mary” which is anything but offensive with its melancholic and moody feel.