Based on Australia 2019
Kate Miller-Heidke — Zero Gravity
Hey you
(hey you, hey you)
Middle-aged man
Do you
(do you, do you)
Bleed when you poo?
Rectal stinging
That won't go?
Feel low, fatigued?
Losing weight no cardio?
I'd recommend a
Common yet quite invasive procedure
Administered daily globally
It involves an endoscopic camera
Inserted inside your cavity
C o l o n o s c o p y y y y y
With me you see, aah!
Hard stool
(hard stool, hard stool, hard stool)
Or watery?
On loo
(on loo, on loo, on loo)
Gut won't empty?
Any polyps
That are found
We'll biopsy
It will put your mind at ease, reassure
Oh-oh-oh
Sign up for this medical procedure
It could help avoid a tragedy
Even if we don't find any cancer
Your colon will clear out thoroughly
Side effects are
Ra-a-a-a-aaaaare!
You may have mild
Cra-a-a-a-aaaaamps!
Feeling of trapped
Ga-a-a-a-aaaaas!
Still it feels like
A-a-a-AAAHHH!
First please empty your bowels:
Swallow this powder down
Go sit down on the loo bowl
Flush away what comes ou-ou-out
Please change into this gown
Aah-aah-aah....
Lie with your left hip down
Start the sedative countdown
Nurse please check they're knocked ou-ou-out
I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-into
Now you're out for the count
Let us lube up your hole
Ca-a-a-a-a-a-avity
Ease the tube nice and slow, now
Pump air in through the va-a-alve
E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-explore
Switch the camera on
Wiggle it all around
Ca-a-a-a-a-a-arefully
Search for any small mounds, and
Use the tools to scrape ou-u-ut
Fou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound two
Put them into this tube
Send it off to the lab
No A-a No-o-o-malies
Bring the patient back round, now
Share with him the breakdown
Re-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-edo
Nothing scary was found
Schedule your next one now?
*Ah-ah-aaaaah!*