Spoiler Alert

Based on Ireland 1969
Muriel Day — The Wages of Love

Books and films are neat, but I must know the end
If they are too long, it drives me round the bend
One thing makes me laugh
One thing makes me high
Before you get a chance to enjoy it
I will spoil the plot, just to make you cry

The Planet of the Apes? It’s Mars
Rosebud was Kane’s pet jaguar
And the Titanic safely crossed incident-free, oh yeah

Soylent Green is made from eggs and clay
(What’d she say?)
Harry Potter’s evil twin is gay
(He’s not gay!)
And when I give the game away
It can’t be undone
I really do love
To spoil your fun

I’ve seen all the films, read every book, my friend
Yes, I know for sure how every one will end
I have all the facts
Even if I sometimes
Get the details in a muddle
Or a little rough - sure, I’m close enough

Darth Vader’s son is Mr Spock
And Babe the pig becomes pork chops
Princess Fiona has a cock
Down to her knees, I swear

And that film where Brad Pitt shouts a lot?
(God he’s hot)
You would never guess the final shock
(Real sexpot)
And he’s like “hey, what’s in the box?”
The spoiler is this:
It’s actually his
It’s full of his jizz

Spoilers galore! And if you’re cross
(Yes we’re cross)
I simply couldn’t give a toss
(Really cross)
I’ve saved the best one until last
I’m full of glee!

Fire Saga don’t get any twelves
(Not one twelve?)
Everyone is killed by magic spells
(Blame themselves)
Someone forgot to pay the elves
To bring them good luck

But one thing’s a plus:
No sequel, thank fuck.