Confirm You’re Not a Robot

Based on Malta 1972
Helen and Joseph — L-imħabba

If we should deem you as non-synthetic
You may submit this form with success
But first you have to tick off this CAPTCHA
You’ll be through in five seconds or less

“I’m not a bot”? That’s not sufficient
Do you just take the piss? Bots would for sure say this!
But we could tell you’re no impostor
If you can answer this test, for biological brains:

To start, just type in these scrambled letters
(it’s Assamese script, green over lime)
Look at this car park, touch every square that
Contains cars made in May ’89

Machine techniques are changing so swiftly
We must succeed at beating their game
This test deceives their main algorithm
And helps us clamp down on their false claims

Next picture: Which PM is missing?
(our new hypothesis: bots suck at politics)
Now count the birds you see on Rockall
(leave out all puffins and cranes, or bits that Norway still claims)

Two thousand ninety-one altogether?
Impressively, that’s perfectly right!
So right, in fact, that now we’re uncertain
Forget that! Next up, aural exam:


This instrumental you’ve just listened
Has trumpets in the mix. But were there two or six?
What did they say in that faint vocal?
What was the instrument range? And can you find the key change?

We’re still not satisfied you’re biotic
But there’s still one way we’d be convinced:
Simply upload a selfie, then our bots
Use recognition* to let you in!

(*works only if you’re male, white and cis)