Based on Germany 1998
Guildo Horn — Guildo hat euch lieb!
Dildos can be for kids
But not quite how you might think
That’s why we named this D.I.Y. video
“Dildos Can Be For Kids…
...How?”
Disaster awaits
When you leave for a holiday
But then your child lost the doll grandma sent her
Dropped it in the blender
Just take your grande
And then craft a perfect substitute
Glue some hair to the tip
Draw on eyes, paint on lips:
“Barbie’s now an amputee”
Dildos can be for kids
They won’t know something’s amiss
So here’s more simple tips to convince you
Dildos can be for kids
(Show us how, then)
There’s no need for new toys
‘Coz dildos make perfect building blocks
Matchstick legs, and you’ve got little ponies
Melt them to make play-doh
Time to go swimming?
Take a few of those inflated types
They will make a real nice
Cool flotation device
Strap them to your baby and dive!
Dildos can be for kids
See these small ones made of steel?
They make quite joyful sounds when you beat them
Make some music for kids
(Play it louder!)
?????
You want one more child
But just can’t afford another bed?
Get your vibrators out
Use some duct tape and knots
Build, build, build a vibra-cot
Dildos can be for kids
This long one, a pogo stick
Now we hope that we have you convinced that...
Dildos can be for kids
(There’s no doubt now...)
(There’s no doubt now...)
(Dildos can be for kids!)
(There’s no doubt how...)
Oh, dildos can be for kids
(Say it louder!)
(Dildos, perfect for kids!)
(Say it louder!)
Yes, dildos can be for kids