Based on Latvia 2004
Fomins & Kleins — Dziesma par laimi
At age 59, I swapped out my wife
For someone much younger with big bouncy breasts
If you’re nouveau-riche, refuse to get hitched
Cos she’ll seek a prenup and then up and leave you
So she got her fingers on shitloads of stuff
Just shy of five million and both my sports cars
It’s crazy how much you are willing to lose
When you’re old and she’s 22
No car and back to square one
All thanks to my trophy wife
She saw me coming
Unloved and underendowed
I didn’t know what to do
Penis enlargement or two?
But once those were done and led to no fun
I thought I could do with some work on my face
What else did I need? Maybe pin back my ears
And transplant my hairline, all done at the same time
A quick bit of Googling erased any doubts
I can’t wait to see how the whole thing turns out
It’s crazy how finally, at 62
I’m set to recapture my youth!
Goodbye sad old droopy eyes
And hello new firmer mouth!
I’ll look like Biden!
Come on, let’s do this thing, doc!
Count backwards? Sure! Ten, nine, eight
Seven, six, five, four, three, twooooooooo
As he comes around and the pain makes itself known, he wails:
Ayyyyy-owwww!
He soon tries to talk, but all that comes out at first is vaguely speech-like sounds:
Ungh-ugh, ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh, ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
Ungh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh
When he can form words, they’re heavily affected by his surgery:
Okay, I can’t feel my face.
I don’t think my eyes can move.
Skin sure is tighter.
No way I’ll talk much today.
My mouth feels all stretched and fused...
S’pose that it should.
Must mean it turned out real good!
