De-Tangled

Based on Portugal 1996
Lúcia Moniz — O meu coração não tem cor

I’m sat alone here in the Kingdom of Corona
Where all the people love to walk two metres apart
This hirsute tale won’t be an epidemic groaner
It’s rather to recount its original start

All the storywriters love to tell lies
Name’s not Rapunzel, no it’s Petrosinella
Not one of the journos tried to serialise
That as a child I…mis-abused mozzarella

Yet some truths gave this myth its power
I’m in the penthouse of this tower
And speak of but one thing (I even sometimes sing)
To ask of passers-by (from this window high)
“How do you lift the curse of bad hair days?”

Well, comb away, comb away, comb away
Do be gentle when you stroke, best to start out near the tip

Using your conditioner of choice
Pouring in some drops of Argan oil
Work it through with fingers or a brush
Soon you’ll get your hair de-tangled

Starting as you say, I take the plunge
Up and down the shaft I squeeze and pull
’Til I feel soft warmth from down below
From words like “Let down your long hair”

Corona’s laws are very odd and complicated
Controlling all you do and where to go, who to see

That’s why this tale was defiled and adulterated
With hooey like kidnap at the age of three

‘Coz when your elevator’s often offline
Then you are forced to…whip up some countermeasures

It’s rude to leave your callers downstairs to dine
When you’d prefer to…discuss my secret pleasures

Like to relieve mid-morning boredom
I love to strum my lady organ
And let my brain adjourn until my thoughts return

To ask of passerbys: Can you please advise…?
Your tips to vanquish horrid bad hair days

Yeah, comb away, comb away, comb away
Now come on, you silly bint
There’s much more you have to say

Since you’re quite restrained, we’ll tell the world
That your Herculean rigmarole
Doesn’t concern hair that’s on your head
No, each day those pubes of yours get mangled!

Fair dos, it was once upon a time
Voices sang “Do tell us the gossip’s true”
“Please let it go now, we’ll climb aboard”
It’s thick, long, uncut (downward angled)

Though it looked dog-eared and well-perused
With her Kama Sutra as a guide
Wise Elsa finessed my bits and bobs
While Olaf got my muff all tangled

Hey!

Stop the presses! Rumpelstiltskin stayed the night!!

Guess who needs all her hair de-tangled?!